


I Can't Hear You but I Feel You

by Miklyn_lotus



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Deaf Character, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Mentions of Death, Mentions of miscarriage, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, lincoln is a good father just an ass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2020-02-09 21:56:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 53,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18646861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miklyn_lotus/pseuds/Miklyn_lotus
Summary: Six years have passed since Clarke left Atlanta. She left her best friend laying in a hospital bed and broken dreams. She left her family and her blood splattered on Peachtree. Can she fix it? Or will she return to the west with the same empty heart and tears she left with.This is my first fic. I am very nervous posting this, but my girlfriend told me to just put myself out there. I will only post this first chapter to see how receptive you guys are to it. I am open to positive feedback and constructive criticism. All cruel and negative comments will be deleted**New tags added





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter one: Bittersweet meet

 

A hard pounce on the bed jarred Clarke awake from her dreamless slumber. Her blue eyes scanned the brown eyed black haired woman on top of her. She playfully grinded her hips down onto the blondes stomach earning an irritated grunt.  
“What the fuck Raven. Get off!” Clarke cried thrusting her hips up effectively knocking the smaller girl off to the side of the hotel’s king sized bed. She could feel the bed vibrating with her friend’s laughter and turned to face her. Raven signed to her quickly.  
-Its’s time for you to get up, Clarke. You fell asleep without your hearing aid and missed the alarm. The concert starts in an hour!-  
At that, Clarke shot up reaching for her aid and placed it on her ear. Sound was immediately added to her senses. The blonde glared at her best friend.  
“Why didn’t you wake me earlier?” She growled. Clarke was clearly jet lagged from being out west for the past six years.  
“Luna told me to let you rest a while since your flight got delayed. Atlanta traffic can’t be that bad.” Raven shrugged. Clarke shook her head her friends had no idea how bad it was here. Atlanta was no longer her home not since… No, she couldn’t think about that right now but she knew for sure that the traffic had not improved. She had been smart enough to take a shower before sleeping. “I do have your tux out and ready so all you have to do is brush hair and teeth and go.”  
Clarke smiled and gave Raven a sloppy wet kiss on her cheek and signed she loved her before rushing to the bathroom.  
Clarke had met Luna and Raven after she packed what she could fit into a gym bag and left town when the world crashed around her. The bus driver asked her no questions about the black eye and possibly cracked ribs not that he could communicate with her anyway. At that time in her life she could not hear at all but I didn’t keep her from seeing the anger and cruel judgement of her actions and feeling the pain from being beaten in an alley on Peachtree two days after a motorcycle accident. She almost slept the entire one way trip to Seattle only waking up to pee and nibble on the snacks her little old seatmate forced her to eat. Clarke embraced the pain and felt that she deserved every scar and bruise she accumulated that week of hell. Seattle greeted her with clouds and rain that fit the condition of her heart perfectly. Luna and Raven found her on the street and nursed her back to health after she refused to go to the hospital, knowing that her mother, father and her friends would find her when she clearly didn’t want to be found. The three girls formed an unbreakable bond and have been friends ever since.  
“Clarke, move your ass. Are you taking a shit?!” Raven called and the heartwarming thought of her friends flew out the window. She opened the door to find her redhead friend, Luna.  
“Why am I friends with you guys again?” Clarke grumbled. Luna laughed and tugged her out of the bathroom.  
“Because you love us Clarke Kent, get dressed.” Luna beamed placing a finger seductively under her chin and kissed her softly on her nose. Clarke felt her cheeks burning. The wild haired red headed beauty switched their positions and closed the door behind her with a soft click. “You snooze you lose babe! She really did need new friends.  
Clarke and her friends were lucky enough to pull in right on time at the venue and thank goodness for uber so they could be dropped right in the front. They slipped into the back of the theater and took in the room. The audience was whispering quietly while observing the symphonic band on the stage. They haven’t started yet and Clarke breathed a sigh of relief. She easily spotted the blonde haired boy in the first chair alto saxophone section. Clarke could feel herself fighting back tears as she took him in. Her brother, Aden, had grown so much in six years. He was now seventeen and on his way to college. A soft squeeze on her arm brought her out of her trance.  
-We should probably sit down and not draw attention to ourselves-Luna signed with a comforting smile. Raven urged her into an empty row in the back and took a seat. Clarke was not ready to be seen by her brother yet. This was his last performance of the school year and she didn’t want him to mess up. She really wanted to sit right up front to really feel the symphony instead of having to have her hearing aid in. Before Clarke left Atlanta, she was teaching herself how to hear by feeling the vibration of each note and how it was measured in hertz on a piano. Once she was convinced that she would never hear again, she increased her practices on different instruments and met her musical love; a small beat up turntable. At sixteen, she used some of her profit that she had saved from dealing weed to buy it from a pawn shop and started turning at an underground club that never carded. After years of practice, she was good enough to even feel the key that a person was talking in and saying by placing her fingers on his or her neck.  
The whispers lulled out as an announcer approached the microphone that Clarke recognized as Harper from high school. She did look stunning in her blue sequence gala dress and beaming smile. She was really sweet back then and Clarke would flirt with her from time to time.  
“Welcome parents, friends, family, and staff to our annual spring award symphonic jamboree. These promising students have worked very hard and one student will receive a full musical scholarship to the college of their choice.”  
Clarke had to strain to hear because she was in the back but Raven was sweet enough to sign while Harper was speaking to help her catch every word. The hearing aid was decent but it was not great this far back and she also couldn’t read her lips from this distance. Harper continued to speak while Clarke glanced between her and Raven.  
“At the end of the concert the person who founded this scholarship will present it; Polis High’s own Alexandria Woods.”  
By the time Raven signed the first four letters of that name Clarke felt like her heart dropped out of her ass. Lexa was still here in Atlanta? Clarke thought as she felt her breathing pick up. She needed to get the hell out of there as soon as the last note was played. There was no way Lexa could see her now. This was too much. Luna and Raven looked at her as she visibly paled. Before they could ask what was wrong, the lights dimmed and the start of Shaun Davey’s Relief of Derry filled the room. Clarke had to settle down and be here for her brother, her mini melt down would have to wait.  
Not too long into the song, there was a soprano sax solo that Aden absolutely killed, it hit her hearing aid perfectly. When he switched from his alto, she had no idea but he was outstanding. It would have been so much better if she was closer.  
-I can’t feel the music, I have to get closer without Aden seeing me- Clarke signed. Luna gave her a grim look.  
-We can’t stop you but I don’t think it’s a good idea. What if he sees you?-  
-Aden closes his eyes when he plays I can get up there then.-  
-Go Griff, we got your back- Raven chimed in giving her thumbs up. Clarke sighed and quietly made her way to the front. It was more crowded in the front but the blonde was able to find a seat by an old woman who looked like she sucked lemons half her life on the fifth row . The woman huffed at her as she sat and the Clarke rolled her eyes and adjusted her hearing aid. The woman shifted again and the blonde felt herself getting annoyed. Now was not the time to deal with her as she felt the subtle vibrations of her mumbling next to her.  
Aden was deep into another solo and she felt the vibrations in her feet and hands as she clutched on the seat handles. He was outstanding and the audience was entranced as well. Clarke felt tears streaming down her face as took him in. She was right about his eyes staying closed while he was shining in his moment having burned the music to his memory.  
The song ended and the audience was stunned to absolute silence until some jackass in the back wolf whistled. Fucking Raven, Clarke thought as the crowd begins to join in applause. She had to take out her hearing aid from the sudden uproar, her ear now too sensitive from over stimulation. The concert continued and she relaxed to enjoy the rest.  
The final piece ended and before she could make her exit through the applause, movement in two rows right in front of her made her freeze. It was her. Clarke knew how she stood, how her brunette hair was either braided or loose and pulled to one shoulder. Lexa always knew how to walk with grace, even when they were kids. The blonde could not risk moving now, because she would surely be seen by Lexa or her brother who was now watching the brunet approach the stage. Clarke could feel the vibrations of the audience ease as Lexa approached the microphone. She looked so mesmerizing in her black form fitting dress with a conservative v line in the front of it. Her hair was on her right shoulder and her dazzling green eyes glistened from the stage lights. The woman knew how to command a room and the blonde shrunk slightly in her seat to make herself less conspicuous. She was now trapped until the end of the ceremony.  
Lexa began to speak and Clarke could read her lips for her introduction and the name of the award. Clarke could not interpret what she said because it was in another language she could not decipher. Lexa’s eyes scanned the room with a small smile and then she seemed to freeze on stage when her green eyes locked with Clarke’s blue.  
Fuck, Clarke thought to herself and she seemed to notice that Lexa started to sign as well as speaking. It was almost like the brunette never faltered at all.  
-The reason I started this award was because of an accident that I had six years ago that cost me my scholarship and almost the complete function of one of my hands.- Lexa paused and locked eyes Clarke. There was some kind of emotion in those green eyes that made the blonde’s heart plummet in her chest. It was a mixture of sadness, anger and…disappointment? Clarke could not tell because it disappeared a moment later as she continued speaking and signing. –My sister, Anya, fought to the best of her ability for the school to change their decision to forgo my scholarship and they still denied me because I had nothing left to offer at the time. With this scholarship that my fiancée and I developed the young adult who receives this scholarship will not lose it, even if something unforeseen happens in the future of this student.- Lexa stopped when an abrupt movement behind her caused all heads turned to the right of the stage to where Aden was now standing. His chair was turned over and his eyes were red with tears. His heated gaze was burned right into Clarke’s and she wanted the world to swallow her whole. Aden mouthed her name before running off of the stage with both his instruments in his hands and out through the stage exit.  
Fuck…..


	2. How Dare you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting a little bit of the past thrown in.

Lexa threw an angry glare at Clarke before she excused herself from the now murmuring audience to follow after Aden. Why in the hell did she show up after six long years? Lexa fought back the inferno of anger burning in her chest. Clarke had left her in that hospital bed broken and alone. She could only imagine how Aden had felt. The young boy had always been a tag along in their adventures because Clarke didn’t want her little brother around the toxic relationship that Jake and Abby had before the divorce. Sole custody of him went to their mother and Clarke to her father. 

Lexa was there when Clarke had lost her hearing at ten and was there for her while she had to learn how to sign. All of her friends and her sister told her she was going to get into trouble with the blonde when they reached teenage years and Clarke started to rebel and sell drugs. She always kept Lexa and Aden out of her hustle to keep them safe. When Clarke disappeared, she left no traces and it had broken both Lexa and the blonde’s little brother.

The brunette made it outside into the warm Georgia night air and soft sobs could be heard to the left. Sure enough, Aden was crunched down into a ball against the wall. Lexa slowly approached him and stooped in her dress in front of him.

“Aden…” She started, placing a hand on his head. His only acknowledgement to her was a slight sniff from his nose. A few moments later he spoke 

“It’s been six years Lex. How could she leave me? How could she leave you?” Aden’s voice shook as he spoke and Lexa tried to fight against the lump in her throat. He was asking questions that she had to force herself from asking for years after Clarke left.

“I don’t know kid,” Lexa whispered and this time Aden did look up at her. His blue eyes were blood shot and they always reminded her of how expressive Clarke’s could be when she was angry or sad. 

“I want to hate her for leaving but I’m so happy to know that she is alive.”

“We need to get back inside.” Lexa avoided agreeing with him. She honestly didn’t know what to feel right now. She was so upset with Clarke that she wanted to slap her but she had so many questions. Lexa vowed to let this go years ago but seeing the blonde sitting in the crowd like she used to for her piano recitals had caused a flood of emotions that she was not yet prepared to feel.

Swallowing her emotions Lexa stood and reached her head out to Aden and he wiped the tears from his eyes. She saw someone shifting in the alley next to them and she had to move quickly before Aden spotted his sister and cause another scene.

“Looks like I have messed up my dress, kid. Can you tell Costia to finish the award announcement if she hasn’t started already?”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive, I will be right inside.” Lexa urged with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Aden turned and went back to the building and the brunette eyes narrowed as she went into the alley. Clarke looked like she wanted to run but she stood her ground as Lexa approached. Before she could control herself, she had the blonde shoved up against the wall. Clarke winced but didn’t move away.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Clarke?” Lexa spoke through gritted teeth once she noticed the hearing aid. “Why are you here?”

“Lex, I-“ Clarke started but Lexa didn’t let her finish. 

“Don’t call me that. You don’t deserve to call me that anymore.” She spoke bitterly.

“I’m sorry…”

“You’re Sorry?” Lexa shouted making Clarke wince again and catch the attention of a couple passing by. She used a lot of restraint not raise her voice again. The hearing aid looked like it was very sensitive. “Is that all you can fucking say after walking out on an eleven year old boy who thought the sun shined out of your ass and…” me. Lexa kept herself from finishing that statement. She linked eyes with Clarke and could see the stormy cloud of blue that took over her irises even in the darkness of the alley. It was a look of complete defeat that she had only seen when the blonde would pick up Aden from Abby’s house.

“Please give me chance to explain…” Clarke begged and Lexa almost felt sorry for her… almost.

“You should have done that before you left me there in that hospital ALONE after that accident!” Lexa shouted now constantly shoving at the blonde shoulders. Clarke snatched her aid out but never moved out of the way of the brunette’s blows. Lexa could feel the tears leaking from her eyes but did nothing to wipe them away. She stilled when she felt Clarke’s hands on her face but quickly recovered and slapped them away.

-Don’t you dare fucking touch me!- Lexa signed backing away from her like she had been burned. She could not take the blonde touching her right now.

-Lexa I couldn’t forgive myself for hurting you!- Clarke signed back furiously. Lexa shook her head in disbelief.

-It wasn’t your fault, Clarke!- This was beginning to be too much. Lexa just wanted to go home and curl into a ball and scream.

-You lost your scholarship because of me.-

-No, I lost it because some drunk asshole ran a red light.- Lexa signed as well as screaming at her while knowing full well she couldn’t hear her but she had to shout it. Clarke was shaking her head with her fists balled to her sides.

“Lexa, Is everything okay?” A voice called from the end of the alley. A stoic looking dirty blonde was the owner of that voice. It was her older sister, Anya. “Clarke?”

“Everything is fine, An.” Lexa whispered no longer looking at Clarke. She couldn’t do this anymore. Not now. “Can you take me home? I can’t let Costia see me like this.”

Anya looked between the two of them with an unreadable expression and simply nodded. Lexa wiped at her eyes and pulled her expression back to one almost matching her sister’s with the addition of now runny mascara. She slowly faced Clarke and did not dare look her in the eye.

-You need to go see Jake. He misses you terribly. Please just stay away from me. This is just too much for me to handle right now.- Lexa signed and walked away trying with little effort not to look back.


	3. The Reason Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not for the faint of heart. If you are an Abby fan this is not for you. Please read at your discretion

Clarke slid down to the ground with silent sobs wracking her body. She had no choice but to let Lexa walk away. It was her fault…every bit of it. She should have been more vigilant while she had her best friend wrapped around her waist. The old road rash that adorned her back burned with the memory. She had failed Lexa that night. She would have been fine if Clarke had let her take the Marta train. The blonde let out a loud scream, not caring that anyone heard. Her fist struck the concrete until she smelt the copper flowing from her knuckles. A hand gripped at her wrist and then two warm bodies sat next to her. Clarke didn’t look at Raven or Luna… she couldn’t bear to see their concerned faces. Raven took her unbloodied hand and put it to her neck so she could feel her vocal cords as she spoke.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Raven spoke softly. Clarke shook her head. “Okay. Let’s get you back to the hotel.” 

Clarke did not fight them as they pulled her off the filthy ground and into the uber. She was on auto pilot and her gaze never left the window, the city light blurring as they passed. The blonde was almost dead weight as they got her in the elevator. Luna undressed her and stood under the shower water with her as she washed the blood from her hand. Raven was the one who dressed her wounds and they both held her as the dam broke again and she fell asleep in their arms.

The blonde woke up with Luna still wrapped around her. Her throat burned and her eyes were nearly swollen shut. The smell of coffee filled the air because Raven always woke at the ass crack of dawn to run. It was one of her method to clear her head. Luna liked to sleep in and loved to cuddle. A person who did not know of their bond would think that they were together but they were never intimate. It was always Raven and Clarke that shared their bodies with one another once or twice but it never went beyond that with a mutual understanding.  
Luna stirred next to her and when Clarke turned to her dark brown orbs met her gaze and she put her fingers to her neck.

“How are you this morning?” She asked.

-Not great- Clarke signed and shook her head. –But I have to see a man today and I have to focus on that right now-

“Jake?” Luna asked sitting up. A big gray t shirt was covering her body. She must have slipped into it later into the night. Clarke nodded.

 

-Come with me?-

“You know we will be there if you need us.” The red head stretched and then reached for the night stand for Clarke hearing aid and placed it in her ear. She could now hear terrible singing coming from the kitchenette and chuckled softly. “If I have to hear Raven’s shitty voice this morning, you do too.”

“Fuck the both of you!”

After crappy hotel coffee and a trip to Avis for a rental car, Clarke drove the girls out to her old home out in the country. When her mother and father divorced, Abby took everything; the house, car, and even the blonde’s trust fund for college since her name was on it. Jake lost his job at Lockheed as an engineer after evil mother ruined his reputation through her new husband; the State senator Cage Wallace. The only place that would take him was his best friend Marcus Kane’s mechanic shop out in Carrollton. The money was nowhere near what it used to be and times were hard after that. Clarke had to stay with Lexa and her mother in East Cobb during the week to continue to get a good education. She turned to selling weed and doing odd jobs to save money from the time she was fifteen until well after the DJ gig she had in the city. All the cash she made was hidden in a tree in the back yard on her dad’s small property. Before she left for Seattle Clarke had saved over sixty five thousand dollars that she only touched for her turn table, motorcycle, and groceries. She would also use some of it for Aden’s school clothes and little outings with him and Lexa. Jake knew she had secrets but he worked too much to pry.

After an hour or so, Clarke pulled up to a shabby brick ranch style house off the county road on a beaten path. It sat on an acre of land with over grown grass and a small car garage. The bushes near the front door needed pruning and dead needles from the scattered pine trees need to be raked. The black shutters by the windows needed to be replaced but the roof looked new. A man with sandy blonde hair opened the door with a grease stained shirt and jeans and stood with a hand over his eyes trying to block the beaming afternoon sun. Clarke put the car in park and took a deep breath. 

“I don’t know how my dad is going to react to me being here, so I want you guys to stay in the car for now okay?” Clarke spoke softly. Raven looked like she wanted to protest but Luna put a hand on her shoulder.

“Take all the time you need. We will be right here.” Luna replied from the back seat. Clarke sighed again and exited the car and stood next to it shifting nervously from foot to foot. Jake leaned forward seeming like he squint to see and then jumped off the top step of the porch into a full blown run to his daughter. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the ground in a bone crushing embrace.

“CLARKE! OH MY GOD!” Jake shouted making Clarke’s ear ring but she didn’t care as she returned the hug. It was the first time she heard his actual voice since she was ten.  
“Hi Daddy…” She whispered voice cracking with emotion. Jake held on tight to her and she let him. It has been a long time. He held her at arm’s length and then stroked her face assessing her.

-Look at you! You are so grown now!-

-I’m so sorry Dad- Clarke replied. Her hands were trembling. –Do you hate me?- Jake looked at her completely stunned.

\- I could NEVER hate you. I’m just so glad you’re home.- He rubbed his eyes and then looked at the two occupants in the car. –Who are your friends?-

-The one in the front is Raven and in the back is Luna. They took me in off the street when I got to Seattle.- Clarke actually smiled fondly at them. –They are like my family-

Jakes eyes bulged out of his head and he scratched at his neck.  
He looked like he had a lot of questions but held them in for now. Clarke was ready to tell him everything, even the stuff that she never told Raven or Luna. Her father placed a kiss on her forehead.

-You know it’s not polite to leave them in the car when it is almost time for Sunday dinner. Get them out and ya’ll come in and wash up to eat.- Jake beamed as he opened the car door for them. He gave them a firm hug and a kiss each after introducing himself and practically pushed them inside.

The house on the inside was a lot more put together. There were picture frames scattered all over the house with a mixture of images of Clarke, Aden, Lexa, and Jake. One of the blonde’s favorites was the big on the light blue living room wall with a sixteen year old Lexa riding her piggy back with her lips on her cheek, and an 8 year old Aden hanging on her leg. Jake was the one taking the picture before the three of them toppled over into the grass in the back yard. A brown faux leather sofa and love seat were angled neatly in the middle of the room with an out of place grand piano off in the corner for mostly used when Lexa practiced when she stayed over on weekends. Clarke would lift the lid to feel the strings so she could hear the brunette play in her on unique way.

Raven and Luna took in the house with smiles on their faces as they explored. Jake left Clarke’s room exactly how she left it; Bed made and drawings she made posted all over the wall. The blonde could feel herself getting overwhelmed and went back into the living room to take a seat. Jake took a seat next to her with a serious look on his face. Here we go, Clarke thought He noticed the hearing aid in her ear but still signed to her as he spoke. 

“I want to know why you left without a word kiddo.” He took her hand in his and unclenched her fist as he made the statement. Raven and Lune sat in the love seat across the room.

“Okay. I want the three of you to try not to react until I finish. This is going to be very heavy and I haven’t spoken to anyone about this. If you stop me…I might not make it through it.”

“I can only promise you that I will try.” Jake whispered while Luna and Raven only nodded in agreement. Clarke took a deep breath…here goes nothing.

 

6 Years ago……

Clarke was in a rush to get ready for Lexa’s recital. The brunette was texting her every five minutes, apparently nervous. Her Uber driver was late and she was worried that she would never make it on time. It was a quarter til 8 The blonde assured her that everything was going to be fine and when she pulled up to her house on her black and red Ducati, Lexa was wearing a hole on her front porch. Her mother, Indra, and her older sister Anya were flying in from a convention and were meeting her at the Polis auditorium.

Clarke got off her bike not taking off her helmet and gripped her anxious friend by the shoulders. Lexa was a breath away from a panic attack.

-Calm down- Clarke started –We will get there on time. I will take you.- 

-Really?- Lexa smiled, green eyes filling with relief and a small unsure smile adorned her face.

-Yes- Clarke replied getting Lexa’s customized helmet out of her backpack. She shrugged out of her own leather riding jacket, leaving her arms bare, and making her best friend put both of them on. The brunette put them both on quickly. Clarke made sure that the strap of the helmet was strapped tight and the jacket zipped up to the neck. –Get on dork.-

They took off towards the school with Clarke weaving through traffic easily and Lexa holding tight around her waist. They were a block away from their destination and the traffic light had just turned green and the blonde did not see the black car running the red light until it was too late. It clipped her back tire and sent them both flying off after a fish tail spin. Clarke was miraculously fast enough to grip Lexa by the jacket and flip before they hit the ground. The asphalt ripped through her clothed back tearing and burning through her flesh as she held the brunette to her chest. She felt the one of her best friend’s hands underneath her also taking the brunt of the fall and the popping of her shoulder as it ripped she the socket. Clarke could feel the vibration of Lexa’s screams before her head struck head struck the pavement and then nothing else as she went limp in her arms.

Clarke’s head was turned facing the car that hit them, vision blurred but she could make out what looked like Abby’s soon to be husband, Cage, get out of the driver’s seat on unsteady legs. He was under a street light as he assessed the damage of the front of his car before looking right in her eyes before taking off. The blonde fought to keep consciousness as the pain beat at her body, but she dared not move because she didn’t know if Lexa’s neck was broken. 

“Lex…please hang on. I’m so sorry.” She soothed. With no vibration of a reply but frantic rise and fall of the girl’s chest told Clarke she was still alive before everything went black.

When Clarke came to, she was attached to an IV and heart monitor. She fought against the pain and grogginess and searched frantically for Lexa. She sat up groaning; her head was pounding and her back felt like it was on fire as she ripped the IV from her arm the screaming of the heart monitor only a dull vibration as she put her feet on the floor. Lexa was the only person on her mind and she had to find her. Nurses rushed in and tried to get her back in bed but with strength she never knew she had, pushed the women out of the way in search of her best friend.

Clarke limped quickly to the ICU knowing the hospital like the back of her hand since her mother used to bring her around a lot as a child. She found Abby coming out of a room with a glass door and knew that was where Lexa was.  
“MOM! LET ME SEE HER PLEASE!” Clarke shouted and Abby turned to her with a look of utter disgust on her face. The brown eyed woman walked toward her. 

-NO- The woman signed. –She doesn’t want to see you. You break everything you touch. You messed up something good for that girl and I will not let you ruin her life any more than you have. You are a sorry excuse for a daughter and I want no part of you. Stay away from Lexa and my son.- with that Abby turned and walked away. With the vibration of her mother’s footsteps there was mix of something that felt like screams of Clarke’s name coming off the floor

Clarke couldn’t believe it as she fell to her knees, defeated. Her mother always knew how to tear her down with nothing but hateful words. She had no fight left in her as security that she didn’t recognize, drug her out of the back of the building and threw her beaten body against a wall. They kicked at her stomach and punched her in the face. She was on her hands and knees when a firm hand went around her jaw, lifting her face. She locked eyes with none other than, Cage Wallace.  
“I hope you can read lips because I will only say this once. You did not see me the other night, unless you want Lexa and Aden to suffer this same…..”

 

Present

“Stop…please stop.” Jake whispered. His body was trembling with anger and his hands were pulling at his hair frantically as he paced in front of Clarke. Lune and Raven sat with their hands over their mouths tears flowing freely from their eyes. They watched as Jake swung open the front door with a loud bang that made the three girls jump. “I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL THEM BOTH!!!”


	4. Sunday dinner dysfunction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Aden head to the country for a routine dinner and Jake will make them crawl to that table kickeling and screaming if he has to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 100 kudos! Thank you all for the support! I lt means the world to me.  
> S/n: I know there are back to back issues but the road will only get better in times ahead. Get knocked down... Get back up

Lexa awoke to warm breath teasing her neck. A smooth dark arm was wrapped around her middle and thick curly hair was tickling her nose. The brunette vaguely remembered getting home and Costia pulling off all of her clothes and wrapping her tightly in her arms. Her dreams were filled with the day she woke up in that hospital searching frantically for Clarke. Her whole arm was in a cast with screws attached and was securely hanging above her side. Other than a gash on her head, dislocated shoulder and broken hand, everything else was fine. Clarke’s jacket kept her from getting road rash. The only thing she remembered was the blonde turning them somehow before she lost consciousness.

Lexa’s throat was dry and as if someone could read her thoughts, a straw touched her lips. She sipped eagerly before it was pulled away. She opened her green eyes and squinted against the harsh florescent lights. A dark woman with a blank expression stroked her cheek. It was her mother standing next to her.

“How are you feeling?” Indra asked calmly.

“Like anyone would after getting hit by a car.” Lexa voice cracked as she spoke. “Where is Clarke? Is She okay?”

“Do you need anything?” Her mother was deflecting. This was not good.

“Where is Clarke mom?” she asked a little more firmly and Indra pursed her lips.

“She’s gone Lex…”

Lexa could hear her heart rate picking up on the monitor. No, no, no, this can’t be real.

“You’re lying! Where is she!?” She tried to move but the pain in her head and arm was too great. Her mother held her still.

“She’s not dead Alexandria, just...gone.”

What? Lexa look at her mother bewildered. This didn’t make any sense. Where could she have gone? The brunette tried to fight back the tears while Indra explained what happened. Abby told her that Clarke got out of her bed and just left without a trace. Her phone was shattered beyond repair when they found it; Jake and Aden were searching frantically for her to no avail, while Anya was placing calls to the school board about her audition. Her audition! Shit! That was the last thing on her mind right now. Clarke wouldn’t just leave without saying goodbye but she had been gone for about three days now like she never existed. Indra agreed that none of it made since and she vowed to get to the bottom of it. Someone had to be lying and her first guess was Abby. The dynamic between the she and Clarke was too strained for Lexa not to be suspicious of the doctor.

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned into years with no trace of her best friend. Aden would sneak out of Abby’s house to crawl into the bed that Clarke slept in when she stayed over just so he could smell her. Lexa was guilty of the same habit until the scent faded and the both of them cried holding one another.  
Lexa’s thoughts were briefly interrupted by her fiancée when she sat up and her honey brown eyes were searching her green ones with a solemn look.l Lexa had to settle for a college and majoring in something that wasn't her passion.Costia came into her life around her sophomore year. The dark haired woman played the cello on a semi-professional level and at first Lexa had a hard time coming to her recitals because of the accident. After a month of dating, the woman urged her to go to rehab for her hand and Lexa was able to get ninety-five percent of her function back. It was never the same and it never would be without Clarke. The blonde had made her feel a passion for music that was indescribable. Her azure eyes would light up while her fingers felt the strings on the piano when Lexa played at her house or at Jake’s. Clarke never missed a recital; sitting on the first row with her hands on the stage so she could feel Lexa play the only way she knew how.

The first few years after the accident were tough for Lexa as she fought through bouts of depression, anger, and confusion but Costia helped to keep her grounded and eventually the brunette grew to deeply care for her. Lexa would not quite say she was in love with her but when the honey eyed beauty proposed over a year ago, she didn’t hesitate to say yes. Lexa could really see spending the rest of her life out with her but she always held on to some hope for Clarke’s return so she could as her to be her maid of honor. Well, that’s what she kept telling herself.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Costia whispered while using her soft fingers to rub the lines from her furrowed brow. Lexa sat up and wrapped the blanket across her chest.

“I can’t talk to you about it yet, Cos. It hurts too much.” Lexa replied and noticed a look of hurt cross her face before it shifted to understanding.

“I get it.” Her fiancée sighed before getting up showing off all of her full glory. Costia was truly beautiful with full breasts, curvy hips, and a rounded ass. Lexa couldn’t help but cock an eyebrow as she padded towards the bathroom. “You want to join me? Aden will be knocking on your front door in less than an hour so you can get out to Jake’s for Sunday dinner. You know how he gets about family time.” Lexa gave Costia a grateful smile for dropping the subject and chased her into the shower throwing all of her worries to the wind for the moment.

After submerging her body in steamy water and pleasure, Costia and Lexa exited the shower to get ready for the day. They both had different obligations for the evening and for that, Lexa was greateful. She knew that her fiancée would eventually pry and she was not ready to talk about that part of her past just yet. Costia had to fly out to London for a month for some symphonic event for a Duke while Lexa had other business obligations here.

The brunette checked the forecast to decide what to wear. She quickly picked a pair of ripped jeans, gently used white and black Nikes and a white V neck t-shirt. By the time she had her laces tied her doorbell rang once before there was a gentle click of the lock.

“Lexa?” Aden called.

“In the bedroom. Be out in a minute.” Lexa called. That boy got his punctuality from her because his sister was late for everything. She caught herself and shook it off. It was amazing at how easily Clarke could slip into her thoughts. Dammit! Forget her! Lexa huffed to herself as she stood meet Aden in the living room. Costia came out of the bathroom before Lexa left the room and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

“Send Jake my apologies for missing dinner today; I will probably be gone before you get back.” Costia whispered against her lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Lexa smirked before kissing her lips. They both groaned as Aden yelled through the door.

“Are you two doing the nasty?”

“GO AWAY ADEN!”

Lexa and Aden pulled up at Jake’s in her green RAV4. The was a new car sitting in the driveway that she did not recognize.  
“Who is that?” Aden asked opening his door. Lexa was about to reply when the front door of the house swung open forefully.

“I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL THEM BOTH!!!” Jake was shouting, heading straight for his garage. Lexa had never seen him this upset before and he had been in some tough situations. Another flash of blonde burst through the door and Lexa felt her heart stutter in her chest. Clarke bolted after Jake.

“Dad! DAD! Stop!” The blonde cried out for her father as she chased after him. Two other women exited the house moving at a slower pace. Aden took off as well.

“Aden, no!” Lexa shouted after him, now running as well. In her sprint, she watched the scene unfold and Clarke leapt onto her father’s back wrapping her arms around his neck in a choke hold and they both hit the gravel with a loud thud. This was going to end so badly.

“Let me go, Clarke!” Jake shouted as he strained against her hold. Aden had now reached them now faltering in his step.  
“Get off of him!” he screamed and then he tried to lunge forward but Lexa gripped him by his waist planting her feet into the dirt. Clarke didn’t seem to hear him anymore; she must have lost her hearing aid when they fell.

“Dad please calm down!” Clarke cried. Aden tugged against Lexa’s grip but four extra hands came to hold him down.

“I’m going to get them both….” Jake seemed to struggle less and less in his daughters hold. He was either going to pass out or was calming down from his rage and a few moments later he tapped out and Clarke loosened her grip. The both fell back to the ground, chests heaving. Her shirt was ripped, dirt stained beyond repair, and both of her elbows were bleeding. Aden shrugged Lexa and the two strangers off and helped Jake up off the ground and before Clarke could stand up completely, her brother landed a right hook to her face. The blonde held her bloody nose in shock. Lexa was just as stun as she was. The two of them never fought and barely argued. This was completely out of his character.

-Mom was right about you- He signed when his sister looked up at him. And Lexa felt her heart break for the siblings. –You ruin everything and everybody-

Clarke slowly stood up with tears brimming in her eyelids. She looked at Aden with a face as blank as a canvas and refused to let the water fall. The boy looked like he regretted what he said to her as soon as he said it but the damage was already done. Lexa tried to reach for Clarke as she backed away from them all. The blonde pulled away from her and took off towards the woods. Lexa didn’t expect her pulling away from her to hurt as much as it did, but it tore her apart.

“You have no idea what you’ve done, Aden,” Jake whispered rubbing at his reddened throat and shaking his head at him.

“She sacrificed her childhood to take care of you while your mother and I weren’t the best parents to you both. If she hadn’t have grabbed me, I would have done something I could never come back from. Do not speak on what you don’t know son. And you will never raise your hand to a woman again. Is that clear?”

"Yes sir."

Lexa looked at the two strangers and Jake with a confused look. They must know of something that ties into why Clarke left. Both of the women appeared like they were holding on to their anger by a thread and made a move to go and find her but Jake put a comforting hand on both of their shoulders and shook his head. He glanced at Lexa.

“You know where she went. Go and talk to her and don’t think any of you are getting out of this dinner. We may be dysfunctional right now, but we are going to fix it.” He spoke and turned towards the house. Lexa faltered for a moment but nodded. She was not ready to face Clarke yet. Everything still felt so raw but she needed to try and hear her side. That didn’t mean she had to forgive her.


	5. Can you keep a Secret?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna knows more than what she lets on and Anya is trying to do her job. They both fight their feelings for eachother to get ish done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does not have Clexa but is very crucial to the plot of this story with a little bit of tension in between. ;)
> 
> I want to thank you all for all the love once again! I am really enjoying myself and seeing all the comments.

Luna had to take a few deep breaths to calm herself after everything unfolded. She turned to look at Aden as he turned to walk behind his father into the house. She gripped his wrist tightly before he got too far. The young blonde turned to face her with a look of confusion on his face.

“If you ever put your hands on her again,” Luna started in a dangerously low voice. “Brother or not, I will surgically remove each of your fingers to the knuckle while you watch. She has sacrificed too much to keep your sorry ass safe.”  
Aden’s eyes widened in fear and he quickly nodded. Luna released her grip and he scurried of to the house behind his father. She turned to look for Raven, who was picking up Clarke’s hearing aid off the ground. The Latina groaned in frustration.

“And then I’ll make you go boom you little shit.” She shouted to the boy who now took off into a run to the front door. “It’s broken! All my hard work!” Raven whined as she dusted it off. The device looked like it was beyond repair but the redhead knew that her friend could fix anything. It was Raven’s and Clarke’s design anyway. She and Clarke worked on the idea together along with other projects that made the blonde’s job much easier. She really wished that Clarke went to college for engineering like Raven. The blonde had a brilliant mind, but she used her money for other reasons and could not be swayed in her decision.

“You always have your tools on you so fix it.” Luna encouraged but Raven still grumbled now digging in her back pocket for her tiny tool kit. She had to keep it handy because Clarke constantly broke it by getting into fights when she had it in or when she threw it out of her ear when a place was too loud. Luna had it in her mind that the blonde would rather just live without it.

The roaring of two motorcycles turned her attention to the driveway. It was two women; one on a midnight blue Harley Davidson and the other on a custom made ninja. It was covered with comic strips of MARVEL characters with neon lights under the body. The two women cut the engine off and then next were helmets. Luna felt her heart rate pick up when the woman on the Harley took off her helmet. She had dirty blonde hair, hard eyes, and familiar sharp cheekbones. She had leather boots, leather black jacket over a white a-shirt, and black skinny jeans.  
The redhead had to keep her mouth from dropping to the floor and panting like she went into heat.

“Crotch rocket chick is hot…” Raven whispered and Luna didn’t even notice her. The dark haired girl was indeed beautiful, with her lithe muscular body and dark clothing, but there was something about the dirty blonde that made her mouth water and core clench. Luna had only felt that feeling a few times during a couple of long distance business transactions over the phone for Clarke. She and the dirty blonde locked eyes and she could feel herself wanting to squeeze her thighs together to relieve the now constant ache between her legs.

“Jake must have extended his family,” the woman spoke and Luna had to keep her facial expression blank. That was the voice over the phone that she heard once a month over the years. The woman never took her eyes off of Luna as she continued, “I’m Anya Woods, and you are?”

It WAS her. Luna tried to slow her heart from pounding in her chest before she replied. Her tongue felt thick in her mouth and her legs felt like they were about to fall out from under her. She finally got to see the face behind the voice that was over two-thousand miles away from her. She schooled her emotions and finally spoke extending her hand.

“Luna,” She answered and Anya faltered before taking her hand but when they touched, it felt like she was going to faint. She had to play it cool in front of Raven and the dirty blonde’s friend. Luna didn’t have to try hard because her best friend seemed to be stuttering talking to the girl who she vaguely heard name herself as Octavia. Raven never stumbled over anything but her own damn feet when it came to women.

“It’s nice to meet you, Luna.” Anya spoke and Lune can feel herself fighting off the shiver that was trying to take over her body. At least one of them had no trouble playing it cool. “Have you seen the property yet?”

“I’m afraid I haven’t. Do you mind showing me around?” Luna replied evenly even though she felt everything but. Anya turned to Octavia to dismiss herself but she was already heading off to the garage with Raven. She shrugged and started walking off in the other direction and Luna followed like she was on an invisible chain. Anya kept her posture stiff as they made their way to the back of the house, but as soon as they were completely out of eyesight, Luna felt herself up against the brick wall with soft lips on hers. Her whole world centered on the woman kissing her as she returned it in earnest, biting Anya’s bottom lip with a soft moan. 

Luna had been holding out for this moment for almost six years but there were more pressing matters to attend to at the moment. She kissed her for a few seconds more before she reluctantly put one of her hands on a hard wall of abs to push Anya off. The blonde kept her forehead pressed against hers and Luna could smell her minty breath and Old Spice body wash. Focus Luna, she told herself closing her eyes to rein herself in.

“I’m sorry… I have wanted to do that for a long time.” Anya whispered. “Finally nice to put a face with the voice that had been torturing me for years.” She backed away and Luna felt herself missing the contact.

“I agree…” Luna spoke feeling her knees trembling slightly. This damn girl should come with an extra panties needed label. 

“Where’s Clarke?” It was down to business.

“I don’t know but your sister went to look to go find her.” Luna noticed that Anya’s mood shifted to more of a guarded expression as she ran a hand through her blonde locks.

“Do you think that Clarke will come clean about her paying for Lexa’s college and hospital expenses? I really hate lying to her.” 

“I don’t know. Do you think that you will tell your own sister that you have been in contact with her best friend for six years and didn’t tell her or tell Clarke that you are also DEA? You have been also letting her pay for all of this with dirty money.” Luna retorted with no malice in her voice but Anya ran her hand over face and sighed.

“I can’t do that and you know it,” the blonde groaned. “Clarke is not who I’m after for selling dime bags, Luna. I have been after Abby and Cage for years for this RED that’s killing people and they finally slipped up that night Cage hit them on that bike.”

Luna knew that Anya had knowledge about what happened to Clarke because she had practically crawled to her door after she was beaten in that alley. Anya had gotten her a ticket on the first bus to Seattle to keep her and Lexa safe from a plot that was much bigger than either of them could even imagine. Luna had only found Clarke by chance in that alley passed out in the rain after a long shift in the OR after five reported overdoses of RED.

“All I ask is that you keep Clarke out of this. She did everything for Lexa when you and your mother couldn’t. She is a good person just trying to make everything work for everyone else but herself.” Luna’s gaze never left Anya’s as she took her face into her hands. 

“I can promise you that I will keep her safe. Both of them.” The blonde whispered kissing the redhead once again.  
Luna could only go on Anya’s word.


	6. Sunsets, Lightning Bugs, and Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more of Clarke's past and she and Lexa finally talk.

Clarke sprinted smoothly through the terrain that used to be called home. All the shock she felt numbed the pain coming from her nose, elbows, and previously bandaged hand. She knew that her little brother was angry, but never expected him to say the things he said to her. The punch didn’t even hurt as deep as his hurtful words did. Abby must have been quietly poisoning his mind for years since she left, because Lexa even looked bewildered at what he said. The blonde couldn’t even stand to be near either of them because the hurt of having to choke her dad, the anger that started to fester against Aden, and the odd emotion that she felt when she shrugged Lexa off, was too much to bear at once. She wanted to scream and break things; be that angry kid that she used to be when her mother acted like she never existed once she lost her hearing. 

Clarke could see how her parents would fight, feel the thrown objects shatter against the wall near her door as she held Aden’s ears until he fell asleep in her arms. Once she was older and strong enough to carry him while he was sleeping, she packed an overnight bag and hauled them two blocks over to Lexa’s house. The trips became so frequent that Indra would leave the door unlocked so Clarke could stop sneaking through her best friend’s window at two in the morning. The quiet woman made several attempts to call child services on Abby, but Cage would always find a way to pay someone off to avert the situation or put the blame on Jake. Clarke begged her to stop calling after that because she couldn’t bear to lose her father. 

While the divorce took place, Clarke knew that Jake fought tooth and nail to get both of them out of that house but Abby used corrupted methods to make it seem like Aden was in danger with him. When Clarke would testify against her, the interpreter would twist her words to the judge to make it in her favor. At age fourteen, the blonde was old enough to choose her dad and Abby didn’t fight back. Her mother was so ready to get rid of her and told her as such by writing it on posted notes in sloppy handwriting that didn’t resemble her own natural manuscript, all over her room. ‘You’re Weak’, ‘You are tainted’, ‘stupid’ ‘worthless’. Clarke’s self-esteem took a huge blow and she started to act out by having sex with a few girls who wrote notes to her calling her beautiful or fighting guys after school. Lexa had gotten so upset with her when she found out that she didn’t talk to her for a month, but not until after she snatched her up by the ear and grilling her about self-worth. The brunette was the only one who could do that and get away with it and needless to say the blonde stopped immediately. 

Indra put a huge damper on the fighting by working an extra job while Jake looked for work to put her in Aikido courses, while Lexa continued with her piano lessons. The brunette never showed interest in martial arts like Clarke and Anya, but would teach her what they knew until the latter went to college their sophomore year of high school. Clarke hid the fact that she sold weed because she knew Indra and Jake would skin her alive but surprisingly, when Anya and Lexa found out, they both kept it a secret as long as she kept it out of their house. When she told them it was for college they both gave her a grim smile and subtle nod but Anya always watched her more closely.

 

Clarke ran for about ten minutes through trees and brush before she reached a clearing that had a huge low branch oak tree on top of a hill that was on Marcus Kane’s property. There were only four people who knew about this place; Marcus, Lexa, herself, and most recently, Anya. The blonde looked at one of the lower branches that had a makeshift wooden deck and ladder that she and Lexa built to see the sunset over the tree linings to face the west. This place had always been their hideaway from the world and it looked like it had been kept up over the years. 

Clarke could feel the sweat stinging at her cuts as she ascended the ladder and the blood from her nose started to ease and crust at her face. When she reached the top she took off her tattered shirt to wipe her face, leaving her in a black sports bra and dusty baggy blue jeans. She stood looked out to the west and noticed the sun was just starting its bleed into the top of the tree line as it made its exit to the other side of the world. After a few minutes the blonde felt a knock at the ladder behind her and the Lexa appeared in front of the slab below her. 

-Can I come up?- Lexa signed and Clarke shrugged but still moved to the side to make room for her. When the brunette reached the top she looked out of breath as she rubbed at her shoulder. The blonde’s eyes zeroed in on the scars on her shoulder and then the dents of screw scars in her hand and Lexa must have felt self-conscious because she tried to cover them. The brunette looked down and before she could stop herself, Clarke put a finger under her chin to make her look up and a green gaze poured into hers. Damn, she was so beautiful even when she looked unsure.

-Don’t…- Clarke shook her head and she moved her hand before she turned her back to Lexa, showing that she too, was affected by that accident. Road rash tattooed her back with hints of gravel indentions traveling all the way down. She felt warm hands slowly tracing her skin and her breath hitched. Luna had been the only one she let touch them and that was only because she had to keep them clean. She never let Raven get near them even when they were intimate. Lexa touching her always made her feel comfort and this time was no different but it was something else that she felt at that moment that she never had before. It was warmth, a wanting for the brunette to never stop touching her and that was new for her. She turned back to Lexa and she could see sadness and a yearning to try and understand what ever Clarke was willing to explain.

-It’s getting dark, so I will have to talk to tell you what happened. If you need me to stop just touch my arm okay?- Clarke explained as she sat facing the sunset patting the empty space next to her. Lexa sat and she began telling her what happened leaving out the parts that involved Anya or how she used the money that she saved. She did not mention exactly what was said to here the night she left. It was too painful, but she could feel Lexa’s body stiffening next to her as she spoke but the brunette never stopped her and by the time she was finished she knew that Lexa was seething inside. By now it was too dark for her to sign and Clarke didn’t want to touch Lexa again without her permission. She was shocked when she felt her hands being pulled towards her best friend’s neck. Lexa’s heart was pounding and her breathing was rapid. The blonde felt tears brush the back of her hands.

“Abby and Wallace are going to pay for what she did to you. I swear it.” Lexa spoke. Her voice felt calm, deadly even, and Clarke was afraid by it.

“You can’t tell Aden… with what he said today, I can’t trust him.” Clarke spoke regretfully. “I know that she knows that I am here but we have to wait until she makes the first move.” She felt a slight nod in her hands.

“He’s wrong you know.” Lexa spoke and Clarke could feel her eyes beginning to burn. “I have never felt more put together in my life while you were in it. I’m still angry with you for not even trying to contact me to let me know that you are okay but I know why you did it.”

Clarke felt her body melt with relief and they both turned back to the sunset that was now purple and the fireflies danced in groves against the pine trees. Lexa put her head on the blonde’s shoulder as she took her hand in hers. Everything wasn’t okay, but it was a start.


	7. Awkward is an Understatement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunday Dinner finally. Will it go as planned or naw?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My little gay heart is swelling with all this love! Over 200 kudos wow! Thank you so much.

Lexa felt like she could stay in this tree with Clarke forever but she knew that they needed to head back before Jake sent out a search party. She knew that there was still so much that they needed to talk about and if she sat any longer thinking about how Abby treated Clarke she would drive to that house and rip her apart. How could her mother be so evil? The blonde was such a beautiful person; inside and out. Sure, she was a little rough around the edges at times but she would go to the ends of the earth for people she cared for. Lexa knew that she had reacted poorly when she first saw her but she had been so angry for her just popping up out the blue seemingly unharmed without a word to anyone. She really was happy to know that she was home. What was really a surprise was Aden; he had never said anything bad against Clarke even when she was gone. Well, not anything that she heard when she was around him. 

Lexa knew that Abby and Clarke never had the best relationship but she never knew the extent of the treatment that the she had been receiving from her. The blonde would always avoid the subject when she would ask her what was wrong after picking Aden up and then act like nothing happened. When Clarke left, Aden just came around to the brunette’s mother’s house on his own mostly when Abby worked long shifts at the hospital so she never really had to deal with her face to face. She could have fought harder to get information out of her best friend and felt the guilt of failing her rising into her throat like bile. A chime came from Lexa’s phone, interrupting her thoughts. It must have been Jake telling them it was time to come and eat. She sighed and tapped Clarke on the shoulder. She could see the blonde’s soft smile only by the light on her phone before she shifted to move down the ladder. Lexa let her get to the ground before she followed. 

They made it back to Jake’s house using the flashlights from their phones. The lights were on in the living room and the kitchen area as they made their way inside, but before they could get too far into the house Costia came around the corner planting an excited kiss on Lexa’s lips. When did she get here? The brunette thought too stunned to return it but she wrapped her hands around her waist. Clarke shifted from foot to foot clearly confused and slightly uncomfortable.

-Clarke, this is my fiancée, Costia.- Lexa signed while speaking. 

“Cos, this is my…Clarke. She is Jake’s oldest daughter. She can read lips if you want to speak.”

Clarke gave her a warm smile but did not make a motion to take her hand. Costia had a look of uncertainty in her eyes as they both took each other in. Lexa cleared her throat. This was awkward.

“Um…you have a little blood…” Costia spoke and Clarke covered her nose. It didn’t help much because it showed off her bandaged hand and bloody elbow.

“Erm…” Clarke started right when the dark haired girl, Raven, Lexa remembered from her story came around the corner and took the blonde in her arms and pressed her forehead against hers. Lexa felt her stomach clench when Raven mouthed if she was okay to her intimately before pulling the blonde off to the bathroom to get her cleaned up. The dark haired girl didn’t spare Lexa a second glace as they made their way to the back. She didn’t have too much time to ponder on it before turning to Costia who had a furrow to her brow. 

“I thought you were going out with your friends tonight. What’s going on?” Lexa asked. Whatever her fiancée was thinking a second ago was erased by a beaming smile.

“Big news babe!” Costia squealed with excitement. “I have something planned out and I couldn’t wait to tell you. So I came straight here after a meeting I had today with a client, but you have to wait until after dinner so I can announce it.”

Lexa cocked an eyebrow; this must be really big news for her to be so excited over. She gave Costia a smirk before they both made their wat to the small dining room. She knew that she had to put her phone in a box by the door before sitting at the dinner table so she glanced at the unread message that she received before she and Clarke came back from the tree.

Anya: Head’s up.

Lexa looked up and saw her older sister at the table staring blankly at her sitting next to a redhead. That must be Luna, she thought before she and Costia put their phones in the box. Jake was sitting at the head of the table and his neck looked reddened and irritated; while Aden sat to his left with an ice pack on his hand. Octavia was sitting next to the blonde boy staring at the food. On the dinner table was a huge pot of Ox tails, a bowl of mashed potatoes, sautéed green beans, and peach cobbler that was still steaming from the oven. It was a southerner’s Sunday dinner of champions that smelled heavenly and Lexa was famished but she had to wash up first so she eased to the kitchen for a quick second. Costia followed.

“You never talked about Clarke much…” Costia spoke barely loud enough to hear over the spray of the sink water. Lexa paused from scrubbing her hands. “I saw the scars on her back…She was the one you had that accident with…” 

“Cos,” Lexa sighed stopping the water from the faucet and turning to her fiancée. Brown eyes peering inquisitively into her green and she could see the insecurity in her gaze. Lexa never told her all of the details of that night. It hurt way too much at that time in her life to even think of the blonde. Jake and Aden never brought her past up when Costia was around even when she asked about the pictures in the hanging up throughout the house. Clarke was always a subject that was avoided. The brunette knew that she needed to tell her fiancée everything but now was not the time.

“Minus the bloody face, she is really beautiful.” Her fiancée chuckled nervously.

“Can we not do this now?” Lexa spoke firmly and took Costia’s hands in hers. “We can talk when we get home? I promise to tell you everything okay? There is nothing for you to be worried about, I promise.” 

Clarke and Raven chose that moment to walk into the kitchen holding hands. Lexa gave them a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She couldn’t help but feeling that what she just told Costia was a total lie. The brunette did not like the feeling she had when she saw that their hands were linked but she refused to call it jealousy. Lexa just wanted to be the one to clean her wounds and tell her friend that everything would be okay. She had her hearing aid back in and changed into a pair of sweats and another clean white t-shirt that fit tighter around her biceps and was shorter around the waist showing the faint v line leading down…. eyes up, Lex. The blonde locked eyes with hers and she had to agree that her best friend was indeed beautiful. Are they still even friends? Is Raven her girlfriend? What did it matter? Clarke was not hers and she was engaged to a wonderful woman. What the hell was wrong with me? Lexa thought as she walked back into the dining room.

The actual food part of dinner was amazing but there was tension in the room that could be cut with a knife. Aden had tried to apologize to Clarke but she stopped him by kissing the top of his head and sitting at the other end of the table next to Raven and Luna completely avoiding him. The young boy looked devastated but he had to live with his own actions and didn’t say much the rest of dinner. Jake tried to keep things flowing by asking about career paths. Lexa learned that Luna was a surgeon that mostly worked in the OR and Raven was a chemical engineer but could apparently fix anything else she put her mind to. She and Clarke developed her hearing aid that was custom to her. The blonde was totally deaf so no aids ever worked for her, once she was able to afford them. They found a method that increased the vibration in the air around her and focused it in her ear. The blonde couldn’t still hear sound exactly, but since she trained herself at a young age, she could still differentiate hertz easier with the aid in. It was way too much jargon for anyone to understand besides Raven and Clarke so they left it at that. 

Lexa had to fight the questions on the tip of her tongue when she found out that Clarke did not go to college and just opted to DJ at nightclubs on weekends at the top spots in Seattle. Where was all that money that she saved? No one pressed the blonde, not even Anya who also knew that she was saving for that purpose. This was odd and before she could call her out on it, a tap on a glass next to her caught her attention.

“I have wonderful news!” Costia stood with a beaming smile facing Lexa. “You know the Classical producer that my father works with?”

“Yes….” Lexa replied and she felt her heart starting to pound in her chest. What was going on?

“I kinda sent him some of your sheet music that you wrote and threw away a while ago and he wants to meet with you and have a small recital with you so he can make it into a soundtrack for a new movie!”

Lexa felt like she was about to faint. Costia went behind her back and sent off her music without her permission. That stuff wasn’t meant to be seen. It was trash that she had written out in her anger and hurt about Clarke years ago. It was for her when or if she ever came back. It was at a low point when she had lost most of her passion for playing. Her fiancée kept it? 

“Babe…you look pale. Are you okay?” Costia placed a hand on her shoulder. Everyone in the room was looking at her and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She hadn’t really played for anybody since her accident. Sure, she fiddled around with Costia every now and then but actually played… this was too much.

“I need some air…” Lexa whispered before bolting outside.

 

She made it to her vehicle before she felt a hand on her arm. She knew by the touch that it was Clarke and she turned to her. She could see the confusion written all over her face by the floodlights around the house.

“What’s wrong with you? This is great news Lexa. Why did you run?” Clarke asked genuinely concerned.

“Leave it alone Clarke…” Lexa spoke through gritted teeth.

“Why? Music is your passion…”

“Was…” Lexa was starting to get upset. She just wanted to leave.

“You don’t write music anymore?” Clarke pressed.

“No…” All of Lexa’s emotions were starting come to a head. She was trembling now.

“Tell Me-“

“BECAUSE I WROTE THEM FOR YOU CLARKE!!!” Lexa screamed running her hands roughly through her hair. Clarke was looking at her bewildered scratching at her ear. “I have to go.”

“Stop running away!”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.” Lexa bit back. Clarke’s face hardened. Dammit, she didn’t mean it like that. “I didn’t-,”

“Fuck you, Lexa…” Clarke turned back to the house and Lexa turned and slammed her forehead against the car door.  
So much for progress, Damn it.


	8. Earn your Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke meets up with Indra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys Im so sorry. I have been busy with life here is a little something to make up for it

It had been five days since the Sunday dinner and Clarke had not spoken to Lexa and Aden. Jake had given her their numbers but she was too upset with them to even try. She, Raven, and Luna had been busy trying to get their lives settled in their new house in Midtown and also with their work lives. Luna started her rotation at Ark Medical Center; Raven was preparing to teach summer engineering courses at Georgia Tech, while Clarke had gigs lined up at all the hottest LGBTQ friendly clubs for the rest of this month. Her reputation out west got her in these nights spots as soon she landed in Atlanta; and for that she was grateful. Affording a three bed two bath in Midtown that offered any space did not come cheap. Even though the other two girls could easily pay the mortgage on the house, Clarke insisted that she pull her own weight. She pulled out ten of the twenty down payment that was put on the house and she would not take no for an answer.

Clarke had been here for almost a week now and there was one other person that mattered in her life that she had yet to see. She pulled up at the house at six a.m.; the place she had always called a second home for years, slowly approached the door and rang the doorbell hesitantly. After a moment, the door opened and revealed a dark woman who always seemed to have a scowl on her face. The woman looked Clarke over with the only evidence of surprise was how her dark eyes lit up after searching her over.

“Hello Indra,” Clarke spoke. Indra had always been like the mother she always wanted even though she was never overly affectionate; not with any of her girls. The woman had the warmest heart and worked her ass off to make sure they had everything that they needed. She gave her love toughly and didn’t hesitate to put the girls in place if need be. Clarke had been in trouble enough to know how hard the woman could be, but she would not have it any other way.

Indra wordlessly stepped aside to let Clarke in and she entered after taking off her shoes. The two-story Cape Cod looked exactly how she remembered it. The carpet was still stark white, the living room had everything in its exact place, baby blue paint had no blemish on it and various pictures of the family were scattered over the walls. It smelled like pine and geranium; sweet and woodsy and the blonde missed that calming scent. 

Both of the women meandered into the living room and sat facing one another. Indra sat quietly and Clarke knew that she had some explaining to do. She sighed softly and took the woman in as she was looked over. Indra was waiting for her to speak and explain why she had disappeared all those years ago without a trace.

-I am sorry I didn’t come and see you sooner Indra- Clarke started, signing slowly. The dark woman still did not say anything. –I had to get my head on clearly before I came here. There is a lot that I need to explain to you and I apologize for not staying in contact.-

-Continue- Indra signed back.

Clarke went on to explain everything that happened over the past six years and the falling out she and Lexa had a few days ago. She could see Indra clenching her jaw occasionally and tightening her fists in anger. The woman had fought her hardest to keep Clarke safe and sane from living in that harsh environment. The blonde knew that Indra thought she had failed her and had to assure her that she had made her the best person that she could be. They chatted for an hour and Indra got up to prep to start breakfast.

 

“You know that you aren’t off the hook that easily child. To eat this big breakfast-“ Indra started.

“I know, I will start on the back yard first.” Clarke spoke hopping up to get her shoes by the door. The blonde knew that she had to do some chores to get breakfast and headed on outside before the day got too hot. The back yard was not too big and was fenced in and there were a few pine trees scattered across the yard. The grass was maintained but a little high so either Aden or Anya had been cutting it. Indra always liked how Clarke cut the grass and showed her appreciation by giving her and extra pancake or helping of eggs when she did the job right. The blonde took out her hearing aid, went to the shed, got the weed eater and mower out to get to work.

An hour had passed and Clarke edged near the fence and started mowing. She had started to work up a sweat so she pulled her work shirt over her head and tucked it around her neck. When the neared the house, there was an ice cold lemonade sitting on the deck near the French doors. The blonde smiled and took a drink. She didn’t hear the doors open until a warm body was shoved against her sweaty back. Clarke’s lemonade was splattered all over her face and she let out a squeal before turning and coming face to face with a beet red Lexa. The brunette stepped back like she had been burned and turned to the doors tugging furiously at the now locked door while Clarke put her aid back in. The blonde observed her quietly and used her sweaty t-shirt to wipe off the excess lemonade.

“Mom, open the door. She doesn’t want to talk to me!” Lexa yelled through the glass. Indra was glaring at her.

“Don’t you bring your ass in this house until you both talk it out. Clean those gutters while you are at it or you aren’t eating!” Indra spoke and shut the blinds. Lexa’s shoulders dropped and she turned slowly and Clarke saw her breath catch as the brunette searched her almost topless body. The blonde had been working hard on her physique over the years and had a subtle six pack showing up on her abdomen. Hauling music equipment, martial arts, and gyms would do that to anyone. Clarke felt her cheeks warming up but let her cockiness shine through.

“My eyes are up here, Woods.” Clarke spoke softly and Lexa snapped her eyes up to meet her own.

“You heard all of that?” Lexa grumbled.

“Would you prefer I take my hearing aid back out?”

“Yes…Well no….Um,” Lexa cleared her throat and walked to get the ladder out of the shed. Clarke chuckled. The blonde’s anger toward her best friend dissipated slightly. She knew that they both had to talk or they would never eat and she was starving. Indra had her methods of making the two girls talk whenever they argued by locking them outside in the heat until they fixed whatever was going on.

Lexa returned with the ladder wincing slightly and Clarke took it from her before she hurt herself. Lexa hated the outdoors and preferred to do inside work while she, Anya, and Aden were put outside. The brunette would occasionally clean the gutters so one of them could hold the ladder. The blonde had no problems with that unless it was scorching hot and it always was in Georgia so they had to get up at five to start. It was a late start to the day. The silence was awkward and Lexa refused to look in her direction.

“Where’s your fiancée?” Clarke started.

“London. Where’s your girlfriend?” Lexa spoke with a bit of an edge to her voice. Clarke cocked up an eyebrow at that.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” The blonde turned and put the ladder up against the house and she heard Lexa scoff. Was she jealous? Why?

“It doesn’t matter…”

“If you are talking about Raven, she is a friend.”

“It’s not my business anyway.” Lexa mumbled walking past her to climb up the ladder.

“Nope it isn’t.” Clarke chuckled again and Lexa turned to glare at her for a second before sighing and started her ascension to the roof. Where did all that ass come from? Clarke thought as she watched the brunette climb in tight running shorts. The blonde had always noticed that Lexa was stunning but never looked at her in that way. Why did she feel attraction now? This was weird. She was supposed to be mad at her.

Clarke watched and held the ladder as Lexa climbed and she got about halfway before she started shrugging her injured shoulder. 

“Be careful Lexa. Is your shoulder bothering you?” Clarke called out. She was starting to get a weird feeling.

“I’m fine Clarke,” Lexa called back shaking her shoulder out and no sooner had she got to the next rung the blonde saw her arm give out and fall back. 

Clarke reacted quickly and caught Lexa bridal style in her arms. The ladder fell to the ground with a loud thud. The brunette was trembling in her arms as she gripped desperately to the blonde’s neck. Clarke’s heart was racing but she held on tight to Lexa as the girl began to sob.

“I’m sorry Clarke. Fuck, I’m so sorry….”


	9. Make Me Forget Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna has a shitty day...Anya to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys for the long wait and that there is no Clexa in this Chapter. It will be in the next. I had to post something to wet your whistle while you wait

 

 

 

   To say Luna was frustrated was an understatement. The news of her new OR director at the hospital had her blood boiling. She pulled up to her house and slammed her fists against the steering wheel.

“SHIT!” Luna wailed. How was she going to tell Clarke? Does she even need to tell her? She didn’t want to cause her best friend any more pain that she had to. It took a huge amount of restraint to stay in her seat at her one-on-one meeting when that monster walked into the room. Luna had never felt the urge to break someone’s teeth in as bad as she did today. The brown haired woman entered that room with her cold demeanor and blank eyes.

“My Name is Abigail Griffin-Wallace and I will be the director over all operations conducted here in this hospital.” She spoke in a monotone voice as her eyes were locked on Luna’s paling face. “I’m assuming you are the team leader transferred from Seattle.”

“ye-” Luna started and the director cut her off.

“That wasn’t a question. I expect you to be flawless in keeping your team in line during this epidemic and if not, I will ship you back your ass back to Seattle.”

The red head gripped the handles of her seat, but did not budge as she locked eyes with Abby.

“What you are not going to do is threaten me… I am damn good at my job and-” Luna sneered.

“You think I don’t know that Clarke was back in town with you?” Abby spoke softly, her voice even but still leaking silky venom. Luna stiffened and was now grinding her teeth. She wanted to leap across the desk and beat the dog shit out her but restrained; something didn’t sit well with her. If Abby came here suddenly, there must be something suspect going on.

“What I do and who I befriend in my personal life is none of your business,” Luna spat. The nerves of this woman made the red head ready to lose her job today. Abby mouth formed a dead, frozen, and emotionless twist of her lips.

“Of course it is.” Abby spoke coolly as she stood and walked around her desk. She leaned close to Luna’s face and whispered. “If your… disgusting endeavors affect your performance, I will make sure that you never work in the USA again.”

Luna could feel her hands starting to cramp from gripping her seat. Abby walked to the door and opened it.

“You’re dismissed.”

 

 

  A knock on Luna’s window pulled her out of her memories. She jumped in her car seat and clutched at her chest. Anya was looking at her through the passenger window with a furrowed brow and eyes riddled with concern. The dirty blonde opened the door and reached out to help Luna out of the car but the red head stood and brushed passed her and slowly made her way to the house. She couldn’t deal with Anya right now; she was too angry. Luna just wanted to forget about today and curl into bed and sleep with her best friends holding her without having to talk. Raven was still at work and she had no clue where Clarke was this early in the morning.

  Luna unlocked the front door and she felt Anya behind her closing the door with a soft click. The red head went to walk further away from her but felt strong arms encircle her waist pulling her back to a firm torso and the soft swell of Anya’s breasts. She stilled for a moment feeling the other woman’s warmth against her back. Luna felt a tug deep in her lower abdomen that she had only ever felt this strong for the woman holding her at this moment. Anya’s breath tickled the side of her neck.

“Ahn….” Luna squirmed in her grip but did not pull away. She could feel her anger start to melt away and flow more into a deep yearning for the woman she had never been able to touch but spent many nights pleasuring herself to the sound of her voice as she instructed her on how to push herself over the edge.

“Shhhh…”Anya cooed, placing a gentle kiss right below her ear and Luna felt her panties moisten. “You had a rough day. We don’t have to talk about it right now, let me just hold you for a minute.”

  Luna reached back and gripped the dirty blondes hair, tugging her gently back to her neck. Anya took the hint and began to nip gently at her sensitive skin before sucking softly. Luna felt her felt her core throbbing with each kiss to her neck and a moan escaped her lips. Her knees felt weak as she leaned back into her lover and started to grind her hips against the blonde’s front. She could feel Anya’s hand skimming under her scrubs and moving slowly up her rib cage. Luna was now leaking into her uniform. It has been too long since she had been this worked up. Her entrance was clenching like she was going to come at any moment.

“I want you, Anya.” Luna rasped as she felt a hand cup her left breast and firmly pinch at her nipple through her bra. She clutched a handful of blonde hair as she mewled. “Mmmm….baby please.”

Anya grinned against her neck and quickly slid her hand into Luna’s pants in front of her underwear. They both gasped and Luna felt like she was going to collapse.

“So wet for me…” Anya growled tugging Luna’s ear between her lips. The red head’s patience had reached its breaking point and when she started to turn, Anya tore off her panties at the seams and slipped her fingers between her drenched lips. Luna tilted her head back against the blonde’s shoulder and her eyes slammed shut.

“Oh fuck…” Luna cried gripping tightly to her lover’s wrist with one hand and pulling hair with the other. The red head’s mind went completely blank, only focusing on the woman pleasuring her.

“I have waited six years to touch you, to taste you, and to make you come all over my fingers and my tongue.” Anya sighed in Luna’s ear, teasing her entrance with the tips of her fingers. She hears the slick noise as the blonde’s long fingers rubbed against her sex. This girl was driving her crazy.

“Put your fingers in then…..Make me cum.” Luna turned her head to Anya’s and pulled her into a searing kiss. She felt the pleasurable burn of the blonde easing inside her and she bit down on her lover’s bottom lip to keep from screaming. She was already so close to exploding around her after a few strokes.

Anya pulled her lips away from Luna’s making her whine at the loss.

“I want to see your face when you come for me.” Anya murmured voice laced with heavy arousal. “Open your eyes.”

  Luna had to fight to open her heavy lids and when she met the sexiest brown bedroom eyes she had ever seen. Her legs started to tremble and her spots dotted her vision. The dirty blonde curled her fingers against her front wall and brushed her thumb against her clit. Luna’s back arched and her mouth opened in a silent scream as she exploded in Anya’s palm. She didn't even have time to come down from her high before the front door swung open.

“ I'M HO-What the fuck?”

It was Raven

 


	10. Promises and new Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa Deals with a mixture of emotions with Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Chapter you guys have been waiting on for a month. Two chapters in a two days to make up for lost time.  
> I just want to say that you guys have been wonderful with all the support and I look forward to your feed back. Thank you so much! Here is chapter Ten.

The pain that shot through Lexa’s shoulder was nauseating and before she could even muster out a scream Clarke’s arms were under keeping her from hitting the ground. All the memories that happened on that fateful night came flooding back. She remembered how Clarke wrapped around her protectively before they hit the ground and the searing of her shoulder ripping from its socket. The blonde had always there to catch her when she fell, but she was gone when Lexa lost all most all of her passion for music. She had years of sleepless nights of wondering if Clarke was safe. The blonde needed to know that she didn’t blame her for the accident but couldn’t get to her and tell her how she felt. There were fits of anger, sadness and confusion about blonde that fueled her need to write music. Sheet after sheet had been written while she was in each of those moods and would ball them up and toss them in trash where she thought they belonged. 

After all this time, she found the reason to be that Clarke only left to keep her and Aden safe. Lexa couldn’t fight the tears anymore as slipped from her cheeks. They were both from pain and a mixture of emotions that she had fought back for years. 

“I’m sorry….” Lexa also knew the other reason why she apologized; it was because she was weak, broken, and couldn’t even climb a stupid ladder without feeling like she need someone to be her safety net.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Lex. Please don’t cry….I’m here.” Clarke whispered into her hair and Lexa felt her feet being gently placed on the ground. Her head was at the height of the blonde’s shoulder as she was pulled in close and her cheek was pressed to a sweaty shirt. As Lexa inhaled, she smelled freshly mowed grass and behind that was Clarke’s scent. It was the smell that she would search for in the sheets and pillow in the blonde’s room until it faded. The brunette shouldn’t feel like her world suddenly clicked into place with blonde’s arms wrapped around her protectively. She shouldn’t feel secure, warm, or happy. She just can’t… she wasn’t ready. Lexa went to push away but the blonde held her tighter around her waist and spoke again.

“I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. I just don’t know what I would do if anyone tried to harm you or Aden.” The blonde’s voice sounded strained and broken. Lexa deflated at her best friend’s broken voice and wrapped her good arm tighter around Clarke’s neck even though her shoulder was screaming. 

“It’s not your fault Clarke…it still just hurts so much. The rehab, not knowing you were safe, the pain, all of it.” Lexa sobbed against her chest before pulling away from the safety of Clarke’s arms. “I missed you and it was so hard to without you here. I had to be strong for Aden when I was hurting too. I was so fucking angry with you!” Lexa felt her heart twinge when Clarke flinched at the statement and she spoke softer. “I couldn’t be weak and scared for you because he needed that assurance that you were coming home… ” She took another step back and reached up to massage at her sore shoulder as it started to throb more noticeably.

Lexa watched as Clarke honed in on her shoulder and she felt her insecurity reach the forefront of her mind. The blonde cautiously approach her.  
“Don’t…” the brunette mumbled. “You can’t come here and think that everything is the same.”  
The sun was approaching the middle of the sky bringing with it the heat of the day and Lexa watched a cloud of annoyance hazed in Clarke’s eyes. The blonde turned off her hearing aid. Why did she do that? 

-I don’t think that everything is okay. I’m trying to fix that, but don’t you think for a minute that I’m going to walk away and not take care of you when I see you are hurting again.- Clarke signed and took a step forward. What?

“Yo-“ Lexa started to motion with her mouth but Clarke stepped closer into her space.

“Shut up, Lexa.” Clarke spoke before gesturing with her hands again. The brunette snapped her mouth shut.

-I saw you laying there in that hospital and all I wanted to do was take care of you. I’m here now and I’m not leaving you and Aden again. There will never be enough apologies in the world to make it up to you two for leaving without a word but know this if Cage or Abby ever threaten to harm my family again, I will make them suffer. I’m not that scared eighteen-year-old kid anymore- Clarke motioned furiously her blue eyes blazing. Lexa felt the seriousness of the blonde’s statement and before she could reply she was being swept into her strong arms again feeling the care that the woman took to not hurt her arm.

“PUT ME DOWN! I can walk.” Lexa yelled helplessly as she squirmed to free herself. She knew Clarke ignored the vibrations her voice. So that’s why she turned her aid off… she must have known that the brunette will protest. Her efforts didn’t even seem to faze the strong armed blonde as she effortlessly held her and opened the now unlocked French doors.

Lexa felt Clarke shuffling to kick off her shoes at the entrance before she was placed on the marble kitchen table. The blonde went to the freezer and filled a Ziploc bag with crushed ice and some water and returned to her.

-Can you take off your shirt or do I need to help you?- Clarke looked down at Lexa’s lips

“Don’t want Ice…”

-That’s Tough. OFF- Clarke demanded and Lexa angrily rolled her eyes but tried to reach and take her arms out of her shirt. A sharp pain went through her shoulder and she hissed. Clarke stepped between her legs suddenly and then she felt gentle but cold fingers against her bare stomach where her shirt had ridden up. Chill bumps adorned her skin and she shivered but not just from the cold but how Clarke’s fingers felt against her skin. The blonde eased her shirt off and Lexa still felt uneasy now that her scars were exposed.

Clarke’s eyes seemed to linger a little bit more her blue laced clad breasts than her scars before they locked eyes a second later. The brunette shivered again as the ice was placed on her arm. Lexa hated ice but knew that the blonde was a stickler for it. When Clarke was in protect mode she could not be swayed in the slightest. With one hand on her thigh, the blonde reached behind Lexa to get a dish towel to put on top of the ice, her hard abs rubbing against her core. The brunette inhaled sharply and bit her lip at the sensation.  
Clarke must have felt her shoulders jerk with her intake of breath and moved back quickly brushing her again there accidently and this time Lexa did moan right as the blonde’s ear passed her lips. She felt the hand that was on her thigh grip a bit more firmly when blue eyes met her green. Clarke’s cheeks flared with heat when she had realized what happened. Lexa was still biting her lip as the ice slipped from her shoulder and onto the table, completely forgotten.

 

This was not good…Lexa could not be feeling this way for her best friend


	11. Can't Have Your Cake....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is struggling with some feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for all the love!! Keep it coming! Comments and all!

Clarke felt chills run down her spine when Lexa’s breathe caressed her ear. She gripped on to her friend’s thigh to keep herself from shivering. The blonde realized she brushed against an intimate area almost immediately after she leaned back. What Clarke would give to actually hear that moan…wait, what? No, she had just got Lexa back, barely and she was engaged. The blonde couldn’t help but stare at the brunette biting that plump bottom lip and the slight flush on her cheeks colored her tanned skin. Her pupils had dilated lashes were lowered. Lexa was just so damn beautiful and Clarke had always noticed her, but in the past six years the brunette had grown into herself splendidly. Don’t even get her get started on that bra holding those perky breasts. Stop it Clarke! She scolded herself. They locked eyes and she felt herself lost in the darkening jade burning into her own gaze.  


Clarke cleared her throat, breaking the moment and moved from between Lexa’s legs. That was never a good idea in the first place. She reached for the ice that was forgotten and placed it back on the brunette’s injured shoulder. She saw Lexa wince slightly against the cold and possible pain. The scars looked an angry red and Clarke could feel heart constrict with guilt. Before she could look away a warm hand cupped her cheek. The blonde turned into it and focused her eyes on Lexa’s and placed one of her hands on her neck.

“Stop blaming yourself, Clarke.” Lexa spoke. The vibrations in her voice felt strong and melancholy at the same time. 

“But-“ Clarke started and felt a finger pushed to her lips.

"I don’t blame you for that accident… I never have.” Something glimmered in Lexa’s eyes for a brief second when she said that and Clarke’s felt her breath catch. She felt a flood of relief flood through her along with another emotion that she wasn’t quite sure she understood. The brunette’s gaze shifted beyond her and she abruptly moved her hand from the blonde’s face ending the second moment of being lost in the depths of those enchanting jade orbs.

There were several hard taps that vibrated beneath Clarke’s feet and she cringed. Indra was right behind her in the doorway when she turned. The woman always had alerted her of her presence that way when they were growing up. Her remained unreadable as she entered the kitchen with a grocery bag. When did Indra leave? Clarke turned her hearing aid on and instantly the vibrations in the air filled her ear. There was the hum of the fridge and the clack of the groceries hitting the granite were the loudest of the noises in the room. Indra still hadn’t spoken and Lexa had started to shift uncomfortably next to her. 

“I had to go to the store to get some of those biscuits that you both love.” Indra finally spoke and there was a twitch to the corner of her mouth before she continued, “You were the only one to ever get Lexa to use ice. Maybe you can make sure she gets her regular massages like she is supposed to because of the pain she had been hiding for the past month.”

“Mom…” Lexa mumbled as her mother moved about the kitchen like she didn’t throw her daughter under the bus. Clarke could feel herself getting agitated. The brunette was by far the worst patient that she had ever known when they were growing up and apparently that had not changed. The girl was a walking crash test dummy and had an immune system weaker than a feather in a hurricane. The blonde had always had to be the one to take care of Lexa when she was sick or hurting. Indra could never get her to take her medicine and Anya had given up after catching a wooden brush to the back of the head when she accidently slapped Lexa’s sprained ankle after she fell down the steps at school. 

The older sibling had given Clarke that luxury after the blonde fearlessly walked into the brunette’s bedroom dodging the flying hair supplies, only aware that Lexa was yelling by her furiously moving mouth and vibrations against the floor and calming the angry teenager in a way that was only unique between the two of them. Clarke cleaned up the mess she made so Indra would not have a fit when she got home from her second job and Anya never told a soul that she had lost a fight to her little sister’s impeccable aim with a hairbrush. The dirty blonde had always been softer towards her sister and would go to the ends of earth for her. Anya and Clarke had the more physical sibling-like relationship and Indra had to lock them outside in the heat and let them duke it out in the front yard and then making them hike Kennesaw Mountain as punishment. The two of them had always just tolerated one another until she greeted Anya at her doorstep barely able to stand. That day changed the dynamic between them indefinitely when the dirty blonde didn’t ask questions as she patched Clarke up as best as she could and got her on that bus using her own debit card to pay for the bus ticket. She had respected her ever since.

 

Clarke now glared at Lexa, who was now holding on to the ice pack on her shoulder looking absolutely adorable with her guilty pout. The brunette avoided eye contact with the blonde and it seemed like there was more than embarrassment that she was trying to hide.

“Go get cleaned up you two. Breakfast will be ready in thirty minutes.” Indra spoke, failing to hide the humor in her voice. Clarke had to admit, the woman was crafty as hell because there was a can of biscuits in the freezer. She helped Lexa off the counter and they both went upstairs to shower. The blonde had to use the hall’s bathroom while the brunette used her mother’s. She took out her hearing aid and entered the stand in shower. 

The hot water was soothing against Clarke’s skin as she replayed the past week’s events. She knew that she left to keep her family safe but she had no idea of the devastating effect that it had on Lexa and Aden. The brunette had to hold herself and her little brother together while she was gone. She still had to talk to him and see where his head was at. Aden never had a violent bone in his body and to have him hit her was shocking. What did Abby say to him while she was gone? How did that vile woman warp his mind? 

Clarke turned off the water after washing the dirt from her body and exited the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her completely forgetting her hearing aid. She was pretty sure that she would still have some clothes in her old room but when she opened the door the room had been converted Aden’s. She went on into Lexa’s room and dropped her towel on the floor as she searched for her clothes. The blonde still had no luck and when she closed the closet door, Lexa was fully dressed in a white tank top and tight jean shorts standing in the doorway with her mouth agape and her eyes roaming almost shamelessly over her naked body. The blonde took notice of the neatly folded clothes in her hands and confidently turned in her direction and took a step forward. Clarke had never been ashamed of her body and besides, the way Lexa was looking at her and was making her stomach clench deliciously. She still advanced on the brunette who had not moved from the doorway and politely took the clothes out her hands. The blonde had to catch herself from dropping those clothes and pulling Lexa into her arms and taking that pink bottom lip between her teeth. Clarke finally came to the conclusion that she wanted her best friend and that was a line she was not willing to cross. Lexa Woods was off limits.


	12. Moods like Georgia Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These two are going to drive you nuts! Sorry not sorry :-)

Lexa felt jealous of the water droplets racing down between Clarke’s full breasts. If she had her way, the brunette would be the slowest bead of water just so she could savor the touch of warm pale skin as it made its way down to the subtle six-pack and neatly trimmed curls below. Clarke was still all woman, with those thick hips and rounded ass that made Lexa bite her lip until it almost bled. She still stood frozen until she felt the clothes being taken from her arms. Right, that’s why she came here. She had to get the blonde undressed… Shit DRESSED. Get it together, Lex. It was nothing she hadn’t seen before…who was she kidding? The years have been generous to the blonde. 

 

A thumb teased at her bottom lip, gently urging her to stop gnawing at it. Lexa’s brain fizzled to crisp and she had to lock her knees to keep them from buckling. When she looked up through her lowered lashes and peered into dilated blue orbs, moisture pooled into her clean panties. How could Clarke make her feel like this with just a look? Her touch was scalding against Lexa’s skin but it was a feeling far from pain. The brunette couldn’t think beyond what was happening right in front of her.

They stood there for what felt like minutes until Clarke broke the spell again by stepping back out of their bubble. The blonde’s usually expressive eyes were unreadable as she turned to get dressed and Lexa had to fight off her disappointment at the distance put between them. The only thing that was proof of their intimate encounter was the burn of Clarke’s touch on her skin and the steady throbbing of her sex.  
The warmth in the air suddenly turned cold and Lexa instantly knew that she was no longer welcome in the room. Feeling an instant rush of anger she quickly stepped out the room and closed the door harshly behind her. The brunette had no idea what in the world just happened. It was like Clarke just shut herself off. 

Lexa headed downstairs to the kitchen and her mother was pulling the flakey biscuits from the oven and the aroma of bacon and scrambled eggs filled the air. The brunette’s stomach growled in anticipation of the meal.

“I take it by you slamming my door, you two are fighting again,” Indra spoke coolly still facing the stove. Lexa sighed.

“It’s not like that mom, I’m sorry for abusing your property. Clarke is just...” Lexa paused. She really didn’t know exactly what she was at the moment. The blonde confused her and turned her on to no end. The way Clarke touched and looked at her made the brunette want to climb a fucking wall and then the way she switched gears pissed her off. Lexa looked up as the woman in question entered the room dressed in the red gym shorts and white v-neck that the brunette got her. Clarke’s blonde hair was still damp and pulled into a ponytail and her hearing aid was back in her ear.

“I’m just what now?” Clarke spoke as she sat at the table across from Lexa. The blonde’s face was still unreadable and the brunette could feel her blood starting to boil.

“Well right now Clarke…” Lexa started and she saw the blonde’s eyes darken at the way her name was spoken. “You are very irritating.”

“Alexandria…” Indra warned and Lexa scoffed.

“Please explain,” Clarke spoke cocking her eyebrow. That was the last straw and before the blonde could blink Lexa was in her face, leaning across the table. 

“Your mood swings for instance,” Lexa spat her green eyes burning into blue. “How can you be so open one second and then a cold bitch the next?” The blonde’s face fell.

“Lexa… I’m trying to prot-”

“I don’t need you to protect me, Clarke! I am a grown ass woman and I can handle myself. I don’t need you, Costia, or anyone else to hold my hand.” Lexa spoke between clenched teeth and she sat back in her seat. Indra was sitting at the head of the table, sipping quietly on her tea. How ironic?

 

Breakfast was eaten in complete silence because Lexa and Clarke both knew that her mother would not let either of them leave the table after she cooked all that food. Indra had seen the two them have arguments that were much worse than this and the wise woman had always kept her cool and let them hash it out unless it was almost to blows like Anya and Clarke tended to do. Lexa finished right before Clarke and took the plates to the sink and washed them as the blonde dried.

 

They still hadn’t said anything to one another as Lexa gathered her stuff to leave but when she made it halfway down the driveway, Clarke had jogged in front of her path. The brunette tried to walk around her but the blonde gripped her hand. She turned and glared at the taller woman and waited.

“I’m sorry for being so cold…” Clarke spoke softly. 

“I can’t deal with you flipping on me like that.” 

“It’s the only thing I know to do to keep from…” Clarke trailed off dropping her hand off to her side.

“What Clarke?” Lexa urged, the curiosity now outweighing some of her anger. She felt strong arms wrap around her waist and pulling her flush against the blonde’s body and a forehead against her own. The brunette’s breath caught in her throat.

“To keep from wanting a woman that’s not mine…” 

She felt Clarke’s lips against her forehead and then nothing but the air around her as the blonde got in the car and drove off and she just watched. Lexa knew that what she felt wasn’t one-sided but… no Buts. She was engaged to Costia for fucks sake! She could keep telling herself that but deep down she knew that it didn’t feel right coming from her lips or even her thoughts. Lexa had been holding off the wedding until she felt that she was truly ready and she feared more than ever that she would never be. That was not fair to Costia; they really needed to talk and it was going to break her fiancee's heart.


	13. Age, Fears, and Package Deals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally see through Raven's eyes as something unexpected gets thrown her way.

The entrance to the engineering building felt heavy as Raven pushed through. The campus was abuzz with students either cramming or rushing to a class for a final. In less than a month, she would be amongst those professors issuing the one thing that could make or break a student’s spirit. The halls were spotted with some of the students having mini anxiety attacks and some peers consoling them. She did not miss those days at all. 

 

Raven thought back to her time in College in Seattle. She met Luna freshman year as roommates in the dorms and had a rocky start at the beginning. Raven was dealing with her mother’s death the week before classes and Luna was dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship that getting close to becoming physical with an upperclassman named, Ontari. Situations that could have cost them both an education at various points in time, eventually built a bond between them that no one else could be a part of. That is, until Clarke came along when Raven started grad school

 

The weather had begun to take a turn for the worst tonight and Raven just finished a final, waiting for Luna to finish her internship at the hospital. The Red head walked out of the building and stood next to Raven the breeze way. The Latina stretched and stood holding her umbrella and before she could open it, Luna had her face in the crook her neck. Dropping her umbrella, Raven wrapped her arms around her best friend.

“I lost a patient…” Luna sobbed softly and Raven tightened her hold. The darker haired girl knew that if her friend wanted to talk about it she would on her own time.

“Let’s get you home.”

The pair was two blocks away from safety when Raven noticed a blonde figure curled into a ball exposed to the pouring rain. Luna paused as well before they approached the person cautiously. Raven called to the person several times getting no response. They stood before the figure and after a few seconds, they both gasped as the young girl looked up. One of her eyes was swollen shut and the one that was open had busted blood vessels around stormy blue irises. The blond was shivering; soaked to the skin and her once white shirt was covered in blood that looked like it spread from the back. Raven felt her heart sink into her stomach as she kneeled before her with both of her hands up in front of her to signify she meant no harm and the blonde did the same.

“Hey,” Luna spoke, squatting next to the Latina.

“Deaf…”The blonde mumbled and Raven could tell that the girl was squinting with her good eye trying to see their lips. The Latina fought off a flinch as a grimy hand reached out to touch her neck. She did have a brief moment of fear when she felt cold hands touch her but the blonde was in no state to attack by the way she was clutching her ribs. “no hospitals….please.”

"What's your name?" the Latina asked. the blonde seemed to hesitate for a second.

"Clarke..."

Raven and Luna shared a look before making the decision to take care of the person that they eventually invited into their hearts as well.

A sound of hushed arguing and cooing baby brought Raven from her thoughts. When she looked up, she noticed Octavia speaking to a tall, well-built; young man with a shaved head. He was holding a young boy, no older than two, with dark hair. He could be the spitting image of the shorter woman. His chubby hands were reaching out for her and she was smiling gently at him despite the fire burning in her eyes.

“Lincoln, this is my weekend to have Kam, why can’t your mother wait until next weekend? I just got him back…” 

 

What? Raven thought. She had no idea Octavia had a baby but she barely knew the girl. They only had one verbal conversation about cars and Clarke’s motorcycle she and Jake had been fixing on over the years. The only other type of communication they has was through text after exchanging numbers at Sunday dinner. Octavia did flirt a little but Raven had a hard time reading her. She felt a little guilty ear hustling but they were standing in the hallway 

“O, you know he sees his grandmother every third weekend. You had him all week.” Lincoln argued back gently rocking the boy on his hip.

“But it’s always on my weekend. Your mother is always having something coming up when I have my week with our son. She has been trying to keep me away from him since I got cleared from…Raven!” Octavia had her head turned towards Raven and her green eyes were wide as they locked on her chocolate brown. The younger girl’s face hardened before she turned back to her son, and Raven watched as she kissed the baby on his forehead. She was headed quickly in her direction. 

“You better be dropping Kamran off at 8 a.m. on next Friday. Since you let your bitter ass mother take my time, I’m taking yours.” Octavia called over her shoulder as she approached Raven and lightly gripped her forearm. Her grasp got tighter when Kamran started to cry.

“Mama!!”

Raven could hear Octavia sniffling next to her and when she chanced a glance she noticed one tear falling from the woman’s beautifully sculpted cheek. The Latina bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from asking too many questions as Octavia pulled her into an empty classroom. She observed how the brunette quickly wiped away her stray tear and wrapped her arms around herself. Her gaze was focused on the ground. Raven really wanted to see her eyes and a moment later, she got her wish, but the look she received felt less than welcome. Octavia’s eyes were cold and guarded as she spoke.

“I’m not going to give up my son and I won’t take him away from his father. So if-” She spoke firmly, and Raven felt mildly offended. 

“I would never ask you to do that,”

“Some people have,”

“I’m not other people.” Raven’s gaze never wavered and neither did Octavia’s. “I don’t know what kind of assholes you have been attracting, but I’m not one of them.” The Latina stood closer to the woman before her and crossed her arms. She knew that Octavia was protecting herself from a pain that seemed to have happened to her quite often.

“You are a teacher here.” Octavia sighed and Raven was confused by her shift. The girl was stating the obvious and the Latina had to fight off a smart remark.

“You know that already.” Raven spoke calmly.

“Yes,” Octavia stepped to the side of the older woman and reached for the door. “You need to check your roster before you feed me any promises. I will see you in class Professor Reyes.”

Raven stood frozen as the classroom’s door clicked softly behind her. She wasn’t expecting that and after she got home she definitely did not expect to see Luna cumming in the entry way of their home by the hand of a woman that she presumably just met.


	14. Parks and Recreation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke battles with her decisions and is a protective sister bear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine yall. Kinda sleepy tonight but I had to get this chapter to you all. I appreciate all the love I have received for this and comments are greatly appreciated.

Clarke gripped the steering wheel tight as she watched Lexa getting smaller in the rearview mirror. She thought she was making progress in getting her best friend back and had messed it all up with her brutal honesty. As soon as she held the brunette in her arms the blonde knew that she wanted her in a way that friend shouldn’t. Clarke had never been able to understand the pull towards Lexa when she was younger. She always had a need to protect her and the feeling of completion when the brunette was near was all she needed when the two of them were growing up. The blonde never thought of it as anything other than a strong bond that they shared. When Clarke had to leave the state, she suffered many restless nights and deep ache in her heart without Lexa near her. She felt a similar need to protect Aden but there was something different about Lexa; it always has been. Now that Clarke was older, she knew that the other feeling she harbored for the brunette was a yearning for something beyond friendship. 

The tug in her gut when Costia kissed her was jealousy that she was not allowed to feel. The darker skinned woman seemed caring and very sweet, but kinda oblivious to Lexa’s feelings. The blonde could see the way her face fell at the mention of Costia’s invasion of her privacy even though there was something amazing that stemmed from those actions. Lexa was the type of girl that needed to make an approach in her own way. It always drove Clarke crazy, but that was one thing she always respected. She carried that mentality to Seattle and it did wonders for her friendship with Raven and Luna. She did have to nudge the latter a little more to get her to open up though.  
The blonde could no longer see Lexa in the rear mirror and felt a pang in her chest. She did the best thing by leaving when she did, right? Clarke questioned herself as she drove down the street. She was lost in those green eyes; snapping back into reality once those orbs clouded into a look of confusion and then annoyance after the blonde had tried to close herself off from the brunette. Clarke couldn’t keep hurting Lexa like that and then she had to open her big mouth. It was not fair to the brunette or Aden with her shifty behavior.

Aden….Clarke knew that she needed to talk to her brother, but she felt so betrayed by his actions that she hadn’t reached out. She sighed heavily as she took a left into a neighborhood that she never thought she would come near again. The houses were significantly larger and most of them were gated and her moth- Abby’s house was among them. The blonde pressed the gas pedal a little harder as she drove past it without looking in its direction. The pain she endured while she stayed in that house came flooding back. The flashes of disgusted looks aimed at her and the way her father held her behind him as the woman who birthed her call her everything but her daughter. Clarke could feel Jake’s voice vibrating angrily while her forehead was pressed against her back. He had refused to let the blonde see what Abby was mouthing towards her.

Clarke never knew when the woman started to hate her so much. It seemed to go from love to repulsion in less than a year. Abby started to have later and later shifts at the hospital after she lost her hearing right after Aden turned three. Everything during that time was a bit hazy but one thing was obvious; Abby wanted nothing to do with her or her father at a certain point. 

The neighborhood ended as it led to park at the end of the street and Clarke decided to stop there for a while. She used to take Aden here a lot before their parents divorced. The wind picked up, the breeze feeling soothing against the blonde’s skin as she sat silently on an empty swing. It was just now hitting two in the afternoon so the children would be arriving on the bus soon. Clarke decided to stay until she felt the bus arrive. She cut off her hearing aid and just let her feel and see everything around her. It had been a while since she just enjoyed alone time with nature.

Clarke had been there for about twenty minutes before something right at the tree line caught her eye. It was a person leaning against a tree staring deep into the woods. She stood slowly and never took her eyes away from the stranger. The person was a male with straight black hair and greasy looking. He was tall with lean muscle and he was kind of creepy. The man was seemingly oblivious to Clarke’s presence as another figure approached him and the blonde wanted to take off into a full sprint towards them. What in the hell was Aden doing with this man? She couldn’t read their lips with the distance and the blonde took off into a run when the man wrapped his arms around her brother’s throat.  
Clarke had the man’s face against the bark of a pine tree with his shoulder pinned behind him, a breath away from being snapped. She could feel his grunts against the back of her hand. 

“You ever put your filthy hands on my brother again; I will fold your ass like a beach chair.” Clarke spoke coolly. If the man had anything to say wasn’t heard as she pulled the strangers head back by his hair and slammed it against the tree. The blonde let him drop to the ground like a limp dish rag and turned to Aden. He was holding his throat, eyes wide taking in the scene before him. Clarke pulled him up and took him to her car driving away from the park right as the school bus pulled around the corner.  
The siblings did not speak as the blonde pulled into the drive way of her former residence. Aden got out and put in the code to open the front gate and Clarke hesitantly pulled inside; fighting the overwhelming anxiety flowing through her. She exited the car and turned to her brother.

-Who was he?- She signed.

-No one-

-No one choked you- She glared sternly at him. –What have you gotten into?-

Aden said nothing.

-Aden please. I know you hate me. Let me help.- Clarke felt herself wanting to plead with him. There was something seriously wrong here. She knew that she had a long way to go with her brother but she had hoped that he would at least talk to her about the danger he has put himself in. Aden looked conflicted.

-Don’t hate you. Mom will arrive soon. Just go-

Clarke stood there for a moment. The last thing she needed was to deal with Abby, but she needed to talk with Aden. She felt utterly defeated as she got in her car but she knew that if she stayed her mother would try everything in her power to make her feel like the scum of the Earth. 

The blonde was battling with all the events of the day as she drove in the afternoon traffic to get home. When she pulled into the driveway of her house, Clarke noticed that Aden had left his bag in the car. She reached to grab it and its contents fell out into the floorboard. Among those contents; was a bottle of RED.


	15. Luna's Lovable Headaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna has to explain her situation, Anya's not helping and Raven is being a little shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are so amazing for all the support! I love each and every one of you. 10000 hits...I am truly floored. I am so sorry for the long wait. Been on vacation in Vegas with bae and came back home with a RING! Still tear up when I look at it. Here is a lighter chapter from all that angst. Sorry its so short

Luna couldn’t stop her convulsions if she wanted to as she rode the high that Anya brought on. Her head was foggy as the world around her came back into focus. The dirty blonde was still slowly circling Luna’s clit unfazed by Raven who just had to come in at the most inopportune time. She gripped at her lover’s wrist to stop from having another orgasm in front of her best friend.

“You and your personal pearl polisher have five minutes to get washed up and explain.” Raven groaned out. “Heaven help you if you got cum on the new carpet.”  
Luna kept her eyes closed as Raven padded away to the living room. The redhead knew that the Latina was pissed at her. She hadn’t shown interest in anyone since Ontari, so this whole ordeal had to be suspicious to her best friend. In order for Luna to even be sexually attracted to someone she had to have a strong emotional bond. Call her demisexual, but she was not a fan of labels.

“I don’t hear water running! Wash your janky hands and don’t touch anything.” Raven yelled from the other room. “Gloves are on the counter when you bring the wine.”

“Jesus, Rae! Okay keep your pants on.” Luna gently pushed a chuckling Anya off.

“Apparently that wouldn’t be you.” Raven retorted and Luna felt herself getting a little irritated at the dig. The darker haired girl must have had a shitty day as well and Anya was not helping the situation by making an exaggerated noise as she sucked her fingers clean. The dirty blonde leaned close to her ear.

“You taste so fucking good. If your friend wasn’t here I would be drinking you up right now.” Anya whispered. Luna fought and failed to hide her shiver at the statement and the clench of her stomach as a fresh flood moistened her ruined panties and scrub pants. 

“You are an asshole,” Luna whisper shouted back, pushing her lover again and walking to the sink. “Quit it. She’s pissed.”

After cleaning up, Luna and Anya went into the living room and sat on the love seat across from Raven. The silence was awkward as the Latina quietly observed them both. Luna shifted uncomfortably as Anya never broke eye contact with the woman in front of them. 

“Luna hasn’t shown interest in anyone since that PAP Swab of an ex she dated in college. I’m assuming you two have known each other before the dinner.” Raven spoke coolly. 

“Yes,” Luna spoke honestly. She needed to tell her best friend the truth, but not about anything that could compromise Anya’s cover. “We were introduced by Clarke a few months after she got to Seattle, but we never met in person until Sunday.”

“She is the one Clarke had you wiring money to?” The brunette asked and Luna gasped. How did she know that? “I’m a genius Lu, you know that. You two acted strange around the time you access your bank account, so I hacked your computer.” 

“You did what?!” Luna felt her temper starting to simmer. 

“You two didn’t have to hide that from me.” Raven crossed her legs and her eyes narrowed as she looked at Anya, whose expression remained unreadable. “What was the money for?”

“It was partially for Lexa’s education, and most of her medical bills.” Anya replied back gently taking Luna’s hand. The red head felt herself calm down almost instantly by the touch. How could this woman’s touch do that?

“Most of the money?” Luna asked and the dirty blond nodded.

“My mother and I worked two jobs while Lexa did work study. My sister doesn't know about Clarke's contribution per her request.”

“Where did the rest go?” Raven questioned and Luna turned to Anya curiously. She thought that every red cent had went to Lexa’s schooling.

“Some is invested in several stocks and the rest is building interest in a savings account for Clarke whenever she decides to get in school. Blondie and I have never seen eye to eye but she worked her ass off… ”

 

Luna cut Anya off with a passionate kiss. She felt herself falling deeper for this wonderful woman. The red head had no idea that her lover would do that for Clarke. She wanted the young blonde to get in school with that brilliant mind for years but the younger girl wouldn’t hear it. Luna had offered money after she finished her residency and was making a decent income. Clarke just continued to sell weed and work nightly as a DJ to fix an accident that she didn’t even cause. Luna climbed into Anya’s lap tangling her fingers in dirty blond locks, getting lost in those sweet lips. 

After a few seconds, Luna felt a warm body settle against her back. Raven had gotten up and sat in Anya’s lap behind her, successfully ruining the moment. The red head scooted back knocking the Latina to the ground.

“What the hell Raven?!” Luna hissed. The woman on the floor grunted before getting back on her feet. 

“I mean if you two are going to get all nasty and crap when we are not done talking, why not make this weird?” Raven teased. “I’m still upset with you and Clarke for hiding shit from me, but kudos to your clam jammer for taking care of Clarke. Side note, Luna has been through enough shit…if you hurt her, just remember I know the chemical equation for battery acid and I will melt your genitals. Got it?”

“Note Taken.” Anya smiled, not showing an ounce of fear. Luna gazed between the two of them and felt a headache coming on. Raven grinned as she turned to make her way down the hall.

“Oh and Luna is a huge fan of the pink rabbit in her nightstand drawer. Don’t get your love juice on the couch… it’s a bitch to get out!” Fucking Raven….


	16. Guiltily Oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa fights guilt and makes a choice to ignore it all for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yass! Two chapters in two days!!! I had to give you Lexa's point of view for the weekend.

Lexa sighed heavily as she entered her empty apartment. Clarke told her that she wanted her; that was bad, but she couldn’t deny that the feeling was mutual. It couldn’t be this way. How is it after six years of fighting with her complex mixture of emotion, that the blonde could swoop back into her life and make her feel things that she never thought she’d feel for her best friend? Lexa had been used to Clarke’s constant nearness, but now it was like just the woman’s touch set her nerve endings on fire. The brunette was supposed to be mad at her, but she felt a deep ache in her chest when the blonde walked away from her. It was like she was never going to see her best friend again.  
A chime from her cellphone called Lexa from her thoughts. Guilt settled in her chest when she saw the email from Costia. Her fiancée hadn’t been gone a week and Clarke seeped into her pores like a drug, making the one who was supposed to be in the front of her mind, an afterthought. Her stomach churned as she slowly read through the email:

 

Hey babe,

 

I wish you could be here with me… I miss you so much. Is that bad? It has only been four days and I feel like I have been from you for a year. The company increased my time here to two months. I am so sorry baby. I think I am failing you somehow, I know I shouldn’t have gone through your things that were not meant for me to see, but I could hear you playing on the piano sometimes on those nights you couldn’t sleep. They were beautiful pieces that would give me chills. Then how hard you would ball up the paper like it wasn’t good enough, would break my heart. I wanted you to able to show the world how talented you are and how that school made a huge mistake by not giving you that scholarship. I overstepped, but I cannot find it in me to regret the decision to give it to my father. He has you an interview set up with the musical director Monday at one with Azgeda Industries with Nia White. She handles all initial interviews before you meet the actual producer. Please just go and meet them and if you don’t feel good about it, I will understand. I wanted to be by your side when you went in but this was the only opening that she had. Maybe you and your friend, Clarke could go with you so you two can catch up and you won’t be alone. I will Skype you in a few days to see how it went.  


I love you,  
Costia

 

Lexa read through the e-mail several times before she tossed her phone on the couch. The guilt she felt now was completely unbearable. She wanted her to invite Clarke? No, that can’t happen. Costia seemed so unsure of the blonde before she left and they even had a bit of a disagreement about the whole situation before she dropped her off at the airport. Lexa had assured her that there was nothing to worry about with Clarke with their friendship as rocky as it was. She felt like that was lie with what happened today. Her green eyes drifted shut at the mere thought of how it felt when she felt the blonde’s lips pressed to her forehead, and the warmth that flowed through her when Clarke admitted that she wanted her. 

Lexa shook the thought off quickly. Despite the slight obliviousness she had with privacy, Costia was the best woman that anyone could ask for and the brunette refused to hurt her while she was overseas. She deserved to be told what the Lexa was feeling face to face. She needed to know that the muse for her music was the same woman she invited to be by her side in this interview. Dammit, this was too much! The brunette ran her fingers through her hair as she paced the apartment in her flustered state. 

Being near Clarke was a no-no, Lexa thought. She could just take Aden, she nodded to herself in agreement as she picked up her phone from the couch and then tossed it down again. He would be in school at that time. Lexa couldn’t ask Anya, because her sister was married to her job and their mother worked a nine to five during the week. The brunette had no trouble getting off because she owned the music and instrument repair store she worked it.

“I will just go by myself,” Lexa decided aloud. “Stop being a wimp and just see how the interview goes.”

Costia went through the trouble to get her there so she could at least try and meet her halfway. The brunette needed to get out of this apartment tonight and she needed a stiff drink, right now. Lexa plopped down on the couch next to her phone and picked it up again. She dialed her sister’s number and got an answer on the third ring.

“Baby Sis,” Anya spoke smoothly and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Don’t call me that. Let’s go out.” She heard her sister gasp in mild shock.

“YOU want to go out?”

“I don’t remember stuttering when I asked.”

“Okay… one, you didn’t ask, more like demanded, Smartass. Two, you never go out. Why the change of heart?”

“I just want to get out okay?” Lexa huffed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She didn’t have time to play twenty questions so she pulled out her trump card: begging. “Please Ahn? Can you come out with me? We can go to anywhere you want as long as I’m not surrounded by chest hair and ball sweat.”

The brunette pulled the phone the phone away as Anya barked out a laugh before she replied.

“Lex you wound me. You and I are way too gay for a straight bar. I know just the place, O will be working tonight and they have a new DJ that they are introducing tonight… Wanheda, or something like that. I will pick you up at 10. Be ready.”

Before Lexa could reply she heard beep of the call ending. Anya never gave any warning about hanging up, when they spoke on the phone. The brunette shook her head and went into her bedroom to find an outfit.

“What to wear?” Lexa spoke to herself. She was going to make this night about her. No Clarke, no Costia, and no obligations. Anya was going to be the designated driver, her sister just didn’t know it yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh... wonder who that could be??????


	17. Coping Mechanisms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small bit of the relationship between Clarke, Luna, and Raven is explained. Clarke's thoughts about finding REd in her brother's bag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! all of your comments give me fuel. Keep them coming! All mistakes are mine.

Clarke felt her heart racing as she eyed the bottle on her floorboard. Aden couldn’t have been using, because the blonde had seen firsthand what that mess does to people. RED was absolutely deadly as it slowly destroys the brain. Victims were thrown into fits of rage as the liquid consumed them; heavy aggression, no state of self-awareness, and no remorse in who they harm. Luna told Clarke about the internal deterioration that it caused when she had to perform surgery on the patients after long term use. The brain first suffered lesions in the frontal lobe, affecting personality greatly. Both of the kidneys shut down simultaneously, and then the heart stops. The heart almost always stops while a patient was in withdrawal and the success rate of survival was minimal. 

 

Clarke remembered holding Luna through the night after she lost a patient. It happened a few times until the red head figured out a method that improved the likelihood of recovery. Luna wound up having the highest success rate at her hospital unless the patient was at the stage where the heart actually ruptured. Luna’s research and succession of her treatment was the reason the three girls moved to Atlanta. The city had the highest concentration of RED users in the country and the hospitals wanted her on their team. Clarke was hesitant for the move back, but Raven and Luna refused to leave the blonde. At the root of it all, she really wanted to come home.

 

Was Aden selling? Why did he have this in his bag? Questions plagued Clarke's mind, but she knew that the only way she would get answers was to ask her little brother directly. She had to push all thoughts out of her mind for now, because she had to get ready for work soon. Clarke took her dirty shirt and wrapped it around the vial of RED as she got out of the car. When she opened the front door, she was greeted by the sight of Luna locking lips with Anya in the foyer. The blonde was only mildly surprised by this as she cleared her throat. The couple slowly separated with dazed looks as the faced the front door. The dirty blonde looked smug and a light blush dusted the redhead's cheeks.

“I think you left of her tonsils in her throat, Ahn, better get that.” Clarke teased and Luna punched her in the arm.

“Nah, I’ll save it for later,” Anya shot back and Luna was now beet red. “You don’t seem surprised.”

“Only by how soon you two are slobbing each other down. Did you take Luna on a date first Casanova?” The blonde asked curiously and Anya’s smug look disappeared instantly. The dirty blonde looked guilty and Clarke watched as Luna put a reassuring hand in hers. 

“She did everything I asked of her…” Luna defended. “I was having a rough day…” Clarke held up her hand.

“I’m not judging; Anya is good in my book. You both are adults.” The blonde commented and then she felt a devilish smirk graced her lips as she continued, “I had to deal with you rubbing one out-”

“OKAY!” Luna shouted as she shoved Anya out of the door. “I will talk to you later...bye.”  
The red head slammed the door and turned to Clarke with a scowl on her face. The blonde laughed as she pulled Luna in her arms playfully. The redhead struggled for a second before melting into the blonde’s embrace. She could never stay mad for long when the blonde held on to her like this.

“Why were you having a rough day?” Clarke whispered and she felt Luna stiffen and shake her head. That meant that the key to her friend’s mind was off limits. She had no choice but to drop it for now.

“Raven’s pissed.” Luna mumbled against the blonde’s chest. “She caught us, but she was deflecting by her typical roasting. I need to talk to her. I think that it might be more to it than that situation she caught Anya and me in.”

Clarke sighed. She knew that Raven could be a very protective of those she cared about, but she also knew that the Latina could be overly aggressive with her mouth when she was struggling with something in her mind. There had been a time that Luna and Raven argued to the point of tears and Clarke walked in on it. She had only been there for six months and didn’t have her hearing aid at the time when she felt the vibrations in the apartment. Luna was sitting on the couch crying while Raven was shouting at her and to this day, she had no clue to what it was about.

 

The blonde learned that she had to approach each woman differently in those situations. Clarke diffused the fight by shoving Raven into her bedroom and forcing her to stay there until she calmed Luna down while she yelled down the hall at her best friend. The redhead was the easiest to calm of the two, by using a gentle approach. Once the blonde entered the Latina’s bedroom, she watched as Raven shouted and attempting to sign, failing miserably. She could see how the older woman’s eyes darkened, misting over with tears. Behind that look, Clarke easily noticed the want in those sad brown eyes. The need to be rough with no restraints, no strings, and no questions about their respective pasts fueled them both. That was the first time they shared a bed. The best way they communicated without sign language, was sex. They both knew that it wasn’t the healthiest way to cope, but it worked for them. The two women used sex often up until a year ago when they broke it off amicably.

“Let’s go talk to her together then.” Clarke slowly released Luna and smiled softly. The blonde turned her hearing aid off, knowing that Raven would be playing her music with the volume to the max. Luna opened the bedroom door gently and it revealed the woman in question, floating around the room, unpacking some of the boxes that were still left from the move. The blonde turned down the stereo and reached out; gently gripping the darker haired girl’s arm. Clarke could feel a stab of hurt when the arm was yanked away.

 

-You both lied to me.-Raven looked up with a betrayed expression. 

-i'm sorry. - Clarke signed back sadly. She never wanted either of the women to be involved in her private life, but Luna walked in on her when she was trying to send off money to Anya and the blonde swore her to secrecy. She tried to explain that to her and so did Luna, but Raven wasn’t in the state to hear any of it.

-Not good enough. Get out- the Latina signed and turned around ending the conversation.

There was nothing that Clarke or Luna could do until Raven was actually ready to listen, so they left the room as quietly as they came. The blonde could only make it through her first work shift tonight without the rest of the remaining hours of the day turning to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next stop:the calm before the club.


	18. Damn the Liquid Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Anya find out Who Wanheda is and Lexa makes a risky move.

Lexa was downing her third Crown Apple and cranberry drink before Anya entered her apartment. She had been drinking as soon as she got off the phone. The warmth of the liquor had seeped deep into her stomach, giving the brunette a pleasant buzz. It had been a long time since Lexa took the time to throw caution into the wind, so the warning bells were tossed into the back of her mind for the night. Her sister eyed her curiously before speaking.

 

“Costia know you are wearing that?” Anya teased folding her arms across her chest. Lexa scoffed as she poured two more drinks and handed one glass to her sister. She didn’t think that she was going over the top with her outfit. After tossing ten outfits on the bed, she had decided on a green form fitting dress strapless dress with a matching blazer and black stilettoes. She had her thick locks pulled over her right shoulder as she turned to face her overprotective sister. Anya had only made that statement because she was the one that found the outfit questionable.

“Nope,” Lexa spoke, popping the ‘P’ before sipping her drink. She made her to use her left hand to hold the glass to her lips. Her engagement ring sparkled in the brightly lit kitchen. “I’m just going out to have a few drinks and dance a little. My fiancé knows that I’m not going anywhere.” The brunette had to fight off the wave of guilt at that statement. 

“Are you telling me that or yourself?” Anya shot back with a cocked brow and Lexa almost winced. “You are well past a few drinks and you been acting strange since Cl-“

 

“She has nothing to do with this.” The brunette cut her off, reaching for her clutch on the counter. She missed at the first attempt. Damn, she was tipsier than she thought. The second attempt was successful, and she headed to the front door. “Can we go now?”  
The ride to the club was filled with mild banter between the two siblings. Lexa always respected the fact when she wanted to drop the subject, Anya usually did. It didn’t mean that it was over, but put on the backburner for now. The parking deck on 12th street was almost full, forcing Anya to park near the top.

“Wow, I wonder if this is all for this new DJ?” Lexa asked aloud as they pulled in. She had sobered slightly from the short ride over.

“I think so,” Anya commented, putting the car in park. “It is usually never this busy on a Friday night. Octavia told me that the owners needed full staff tonight because of the crowd expectancy.”

“I thought she was supposed to have Kamran this weekend?” Lexa turned to face her sister and the dirty blonde shrugged.

“She was, but Lincoln sprung that third weekend bullshit on her, so she took that extra shift. I was looking forward to seeing the little nugget.”

 

Lexa sighed. Octavia had fought hard to get partial custody back of her son with her ex-boyfriend. Lincoln is a great dad but a bit overprotective when it came to Kam. In the four years that she had known the younger brunette, two and a half of them were spent hopelessly in love with the big teddy bear. Lexa and Anya could only watch as Octavia spiraled after giving birth, costing her a good relationship, and her son. The loving relationship she had with Lincoln was broken beyond repair, but the two remained focused on what was best for their child. Octavia hadn’t been with anyone since, so it shocked Lexa when she saw how warm she acted with Raven at Jake’s house. The brunette couldn’t help the sharp pull in her heart when she thought about the Latina, but she shook it off quickly. Tonight was about forgetting it all.

Lexa and Anya paid their way in and dove into the sea of people by the bar. Octavia spotted them and approached after serving a beer to a customer. She had a smile that didn’t reach her eyes, but the only people who notice were the siblings. They both knew that it was not a good idea to talk about it while she was working but they saw the younger girl’s eyes brighten slightly in acknowledgement of the situation.

“It’s crazy here tonight!” O shouted over the noise. “What will you have?”

Lexa ordered another Crown and cranberry while Anya got a beer. The brunette scanned the crowd, a breathed a sigh of relief when she didn’t see anyone she knew. There were a lot of eyes on her though, and she thought that maybe the outfit she had on wasn’t the best idea. Lexa's ears perked at the brief conversation between O and her sister.

“Your friend Clarke is good!” Octavia shouted and Lexa whipped her head around. The warning bells that she had been ignoring all night came blaring in her ears over the loud music. “She’s downstairs where the real party is at. I gotta go.”

Lexa swallowed the rest of her drink in one gulp. Of course, Clarke would be here. She looked over at Anya and she looked unfazed. 

“You knew?” Lexa growled and the dirty blond raised her hands in surrender.

“No, but I kinda put the pieces together on our way here. She never could come up with a name for herself when she did her thing years ago. You always loved watching her in her element, just like she loved yours. Let’s go downstairs and see what Clarke is about. She probably won’t even see you.”

Lexa glared at Anya for a moment and then thought why the hell not? 

 

 

The basement was livelier. Lexa could feel the thick heat and smell the sweat coming from the couples grinding on one another. The brunette could feel the alcohol pouring through her veins and the courage that came with it. She realized that she really wanted Clarke to see her tonight. This was going to be payback from the incident that happened in her bedroom. Lexa wanted to go down there in the front of the crowd. She only felt this bold because of the liquor and she knew the blonde could do nothing about it while she was working behind the booth, except that there wasn’t one. It was just Clarke, two speakers, and a laptop off to the side.

 

Lexa felt her breath catch as she took in the sight of her best friend. It really seemed like a good plan a few minutes ago, but now she was convinced that it was the worst idea she ever had. Clarke was standing in the middle of the stage in a black and white Adidas hat, an open black button down with a white tank underneath, and acid washed jeans that hung a slightly on her hips. Her long blonde locks were free under the hat and tucked behind her ears. She had on a white belt that had some kind of buttons that were slightly illuminated. All white air force ones with black clips were on the soles of her feet and she had on some special gloves with strings sewed into the fingers that lead all the way to the wrists. 

Lexa stood in awe at Clarke. She built this? Lexa thought. This brilliant minded blonde created a way to actually feel the music using the method that they would use when they were kids. Clarke would lightly touch the strings on a piano to feel the pitch while Lexa would practice. Lexa felt so proud of her and once she finished taking in the blonde’s creation, a different kind of feeling took over altogether when her green eyes locked on the darkest shade of blue irises she had ever seen, burning into hers.

“Such a bad idea,” Lexa mumbled to herself and she noticed Clarke shake hear head slightly and signed quickly to the security as the song ended. The brunette blushed once she realized the blonde had read her lips.

-Make me space- The blonde signed.

-Stay there L-E-X-

Oh no….what was she doing? Lexa thought, but she was too buzzed to move as the crowed cleared. Her heart started to thump but she couldn’t tell if it was from adrenaline or fear as Clarke hopped off the stage right beside her. Women who were bordering the circle in the crowd were glaring and some were shamelessly scanning the blonde, making Lexa upset. A hand around her waist drew her attention back as the touch seared through dress. She fought off a shiver as Clarke leaned to whisper in her ear.

“It’s driving me fucking crazy seeing people drool over you in that dress.” She growled and this time Lexa did shudder as the blonde’s raspy voice filled her ear. The brunette couldn’t think as the scent coming off her best friend’s body. Old spice had always been Clarke’s go to and had always been calming, but it wasn’t doing anything but making her feel dizzy and uncomfortably wet. “You don’t have to dance with me if you don’t want to.”

Lexa gently pushed Clarke back and the whiskey once again took effect. She took the blonde’s hand and placed it on her neck

“Do your worst Romeo.” She threatened and Clarke’s eyes held a brief shimmer of shock before they darkened once more.

 

The crowd cheered and Lexa watched as Clarke pushed a button on her belt. The club filled with the sound of Chris Brown’s To My Bed and the blonde gently urged the brunette back into a chair that wasn’t there before. Lexa’s mouth dried at the sight of Clarke starting to move to the beat. She bit her bottom lip and clenched her thighs together for some friction against her throbbing clit as the blonde approached. Clarke rolled and locked her hips in time with the music, and the crowd disappeared as she focused solely on the lithe body in front of her.

Lexa had never seen Clarke dance before and this was torture. The brunette wanted to put her hands all over her and a fresh flood of arousal pooled in her barely-there underwear once the blonde straddled her lap. Lexa couldn’t help but look up into that dangerous azure gaze that was only trained on her. She could feel the heat coming from Clarke’s core through her jeans and that only fueled her arousal more as she tangled her fingers in blonde locks. 

The blonde placed her hands on either side of Lexa’s chair and put her head in the crook of her neck and rolled her hips down into the brunette’s. The shorter woman could feel Clarke gasp into her neck and kiss her gently, making Lexa squirm and moan into her ear. She could feel her best friend tighten her grip on the chair.

“What I would give to hear how sweet you actually sound, Lex.” Clarke spoke only to her as she still moved to the near ending of the song. Lexa gasped and wound her fingers tighter in her hair. This was too much. The brunette was so wet that she was sure she stained the back of her dress. “It is going to be so hard to stay away from you when I want you so fucking bad, all of you." Lexa moaned again. Tell me you don't want me and I will stop.”

Lexa sucked in a breath at the words as the song ended and the blonde stood gracefully from her lap. The brunette stood slowly on trembling knees ignoring the stunned crowd around them. The feeling was beyond mutual, but she couldn’t tell Clarke that, not yet. She lifted her hands to sign and almost regretted it as the blonde’s eyes focused on the shimmering diamond on her left hand.

Lexa could feel her heart trying to break and tears forming as she signed.

-I can’t want you C-L-A-R-K-E-

The blonde only nodded with an unreadable look before going back on stage and avoiding eye contact with Lexa the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me...Thoughts?


	19. It's the Tree That Rots the Fruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yall...This Chapter might definitely trigger some people. If i need to add tags please comment and Tell me what triggers would work in this situation and I will apply them. I cant give a summary or it will spoil it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter !9

‘I can’t want you’ plagued Clarke’s thoughts the rest of the night while she worked. She did the exact opposite of what she had told Lexa earlier that afternoon, but it all went out the window when she spotted the brunette in the crowd. It was like Lexa wanted to be seen by her and her thoughts were confirmed after that dance. Clarke had never wanted anyone so bad in her life, not just sexually but in every way that a person could want another. The blonde had always wanted to be near Lexa, but just as a friend, or so she thought. 

There were times when they were teens that Clarke had to catch herself from staring at the brunette when her body started to develop and how hard she would work to fix things when her best friend was upset or sick. When the two argued, they both would act like their world was in shatters until they talked it out. Clarke had no idea how her best friend coped after she left besides the things the brunette said to her at Indra’s house. Every day the blonde spent away from Lexa felt like someone taking a chisel to her chest. It took over a year for that pain to become a dull ache. It was hard enough to text to Anya once a month without wanting to cave in and just come back home. Clarke had to stay where she was to keep her family safe. The blonde felt a little relief when Luna took over the transactions.

 

Things were already rocky enough since returning and now she has gone and fucked up her friendship for good this time. Lexa was engaged and Clarke knew better than to impose. Backing off completely would be the best thing for the situation, so that’s what she will do. She avoided looking at Lexa the rest of the night, trying her hardest to focus on her job. Eventually she saw Anya glaring at her as she escorted a drunken Lexa upstairs. Clarke clenched her fist tightly as she watched them leave and she knew that the dirty blonde would be exchanging words with her soon. 

 

The rest of the shift was a blur as Clarke packed her gear to go home. Before she got in her car, she noticed a note on her windshield. She checked her surroundings before getting out. She picked up the sheet of paper and read the elegantly written note using the light in the car.

 

Wanheda, 

I was curious of the buzz about your capabilities, so I had to see for myself. Consider me impressed by your performance tonight. I am interested in talking to you personally about an interview on Monday at twelve p.m. sharp. My business card is included. 

Looking forward to meeting you,  
Nia White

Clarke inspected the card. Azgeda Industries, she read to herself. What harm would it do if she went? The blonde needed to do everything possible to keep herself away from Lexa. If that meant not seeing her and staying busy, that was what she would do. The blonde couldn’t avoid her at Sunday dinners at her dad’s, but she could be cordial. There was also a more important matter to attend to, and that was dealing with Aden.

Clarke’s head was about to explode as she drove through Atlanta. It was now three in the morning and there was light traffic, most of it being citizens heading home from various nightclubs or from cleaning office buildings for the weekend. She always had to be extra attentive with her other senses while driving but the blonde had an easy ride so she could have a little bit more focus sorting her thoughts.

 

The porchlight was on when Clarke pulled in the driveway. Luna must have left it on for her before went to bed. The redhead wanted to stay at home and rest after the day she had, and Raven locked herself in her room after kicking them out. The blonde hated that she had caused a rift between them for keeping secrets, but she really didn’t want either of them involved with her issues. She was going to fix it.

As soon as Clarke opened the door, she knew something was off. There were harsh thuds beneath her feet and a soft glow coming from under her bedroom door. She remembered cutting it off before she left. Approaching slowly down the hallway, the blonde felt the thumping grow in intensity and then the bedroom door swung open. Raven looked furious as she glared at Clarke forcing her to take a step back, and behind her was an equally upset Luna.  
Clarke stood quietly with a curious furrow of her brow. Why were her friends so mad? She got her answer as Raven shoved the vial of RED in her face. Shit! She must have left it in the living room when she first got home. Luna was on her in a second signing and mouthing furiously.

-Why is this Shit in our house? - The redhead had never looked so upset and Clarke was torn between protecting her brother and telling the truth. If she lied, the girls would never trust her again. If she told them about her brother, she will never really know the reason why he had it in the first place.

Clarke chose the truth. She had seen how RED affected Luna’s life at work. Every time she lost a patient to the drug, the redhead would be depressed for days. She wouldn’t sleep, eat, or talk and then lock herself in the room. A few days later, she would come out and pretend like nothing was wrong.

\- You selling or using? - Raven asked, seemingly calm. Clarke knew better than to not notice the storm brewing in the Latina’s eyes. 

 

-Neither- Clarke signed and held up a hand to keep them from interrupting – I took it from A-D-E-N-

 

The blonde glanced between the both of her friends and they looked completely stunned. Clarke went on to explain about seeing him in the park with a strange man and how she knocked him out and took her brother to their mother’s house. Aden never revealed anything about the situation and was in a hurry to get her away from there.  
She tried to tell them about her plan to get him alone and talk to him but Raven’s attention snapped to the door. Luna made a motion to head to the front door but Clarke gently gripped her wrist, stopping her in place. She had no idea who this was knocking on their door at four in the morning, but if they were looking for trouble the blonde would protect these girls with her life. 

-I got this. Stay here. - Clarke signed as she entered her room and got her aid and her handgun from the nightstand. Luna and Raven knew that she had one and licensed to carry, but they knew that she would never use it unless it was the last resort. She always went for the hands on method first, but the blonde was also an excellent shot. She used to take her friends to the range to teach them how to use it. She slid one in the chamber, put the safety on, and then tucked it in the back of her pants. Placing her hearing aid in her ear, she headed for the door.

The knocking grew more persistent by the second and Clarke was ready to throat punch whoever was ballsy enough to be here at this hour. She got her answer, as every muscle seemed to freeze in place. Her heart lurched and bile rose in her throat.

“Abby…” Clarke choked out. Her mother’s cold brown eyes scanned her face and the blonde felt like she wanted to shrink into herself.

“You look so much like your father...how…disappointing.” Abby drawled and pushed her way inside. Clarke clenched her fists together and quickly took a step to block the woman’s further advance into the house. Her mother didn’t’ seem fazed by her action but took a step back. “Oh good, you have an aid. I don’t have to waste my time to signing to you.”

 

“Who the hell is this bitch and why is she talking to you like this?” Raven appeared beside Clarke but the blonde didn’t turn to face her. She had her eyes glued to Abby. The older woman briefly glanced to Raven before speaking.

“Regretfully, I gave birth to that one there.” Abby tsked.

“Well, I don’t regret telling you that if you want to keep your face intact, you will get your crusty bitter ass out of our house…” Raven growled. Clarke recovered enough to put a firm hold on the Latina’s waist. This was not the time for this. Abby completely ignored Raven’s statement and turned her sights the redhead standing off to the side The blonde glanced over and saw Luna’s face paling by the second. There was a hint of fear in her eyes but mostly glossed over in anger.

“You have a shift in few hours, Luna. I will not accept excuses of you being late because you decided to stay up and fuck my daughter and her charming friend all night.” The woman scowled.

 

Clarke immediately wrapped her arms tightly around Raven’s waist before she could lunge for Abby’s throat. The Latina was screaming to the top of her lungs trying to get her clutches on the blonde’s mother and it made her aid rattle painfully in her ear. 

“Abby get the fuck out of here and don’t come back. Rae… she is not worth it.”

Clarke was struggling to keep her grip on Raven but she really wanted to let her go. She was just as angry as her the flailing woman in her arms. Luna shoved Abby forcefully out the front door and the blonde barely caught her mother sign with an evil smile as the door closed.

-You have something I want.-

Clarke had to find a way to take her mother down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you all think.


	20. Coming to Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa sorts through some of her feelings. Baby Kamran is adorable and a secret revealed

Gentle taps against her cheeks made Lexa open her eyes to see another pair of green ones peering into her own. The shaggy browned haired boy giggled and squirmed causing the pressure on her bladder to intensify. She grunted softly before and despite the dull throbbing in her skull, she quickly scooped the baby up in her good arm and sat up on the couch, causing him giggle. She had no idea when Kamran got here but she was pretty sure he had escaped his playpen while someone was cooking breakfast. He was a true escape artist that used to baffle them until her sister and Octavia almost literally adult proofed everything. Yes, the baby was just that good.

The smell of coffee and bacon wafted through the air, making Lexa’s stomach growl. Right now she really had to pee and with a one-year-old tap dancing on her tummy did not make holding it easier. 

“Kamran pancakes!” Thankfully, the boy hopped off her lap without kicking her stomach after Anya called from the kitchen. The brunette could go to the bathroom and take a quick shower. She went into her sister’s room, found some clean clothes that she left from movie night last week and went to the adjoining bathroom.

 

A few minutes later, the water drizzled softly over Lexa’s naked form as she thought about the things that went down last night. Her heart cracked when the told Clarke how she felt. The blonde’s eyes flashed with hurt as her blue eyes focused on her engagement ring and then quickly turned cold and distant. When Clarke gave her that subtle nod, Lexa knew that the blonde shut herself off so she could focus on her job. The brunette still couldn’t help but feel a mixture of hurt and anger when she was completely ignored from that moment on. Clarke wouldn’t even look at her and it felt more painful than she imagined. Lexa had to keep telling herself that it was the right thing to do and it was but she felt that conversation was nowhere near over. She left the club shortly after with Anya helping and she held her tears until they pulled from the parking lot. Her sister didn’t say a word but clenched the steering wheel tighter.

 

Anya lived in a three bedroom apartment at the Battery in Atlanta sharing the space with Octavia who moved in a year ago. Her sister seemed to have a motherly bond with the younger brunette and it always warmed Lexa’s heart to see them interact. Anya took her in when her Octavia’s older brother, Bellamy, could longer manage her behavior four months after Kam was born. Her anger got her put in jail, and lost her custody of the baby. The dirty blonde worked her ass off to help O get back half custody of her son. She helped her manage her anger using tough love, and brutal physical exercise; like their mother did with them. Well, it was mostly Clarke and Anya who made Indra upset enough to make them do a six week boot camp in half the time with their constant fighting. Lexa thought about how mouth-watering Clarke’s body looked after those three weeks. There days when that she just wanted to lick the sweat…. Don’t go there. That situation would never happen, especially after last night.

Lexa knew that Clarke would always respect her wishes, but the brunette was not sure that she wanted her to. She was guilty by even taking her ass up to the front row. She could blame the whiskey for the bold actions but she couldn’t deny that every choice she made after was because of the selfish need to feel Clarke near her; hands on her. Last night, the brunette wanted her….bad, and the blonde knew it. Lexa tried to think back to a time where she didn’t feel attraction for Clarke and the only time she could think of was before puberty. The brunette figured out she was into girls at the age of fourteen when her best friend became a more permanent fixture in the in the Woods household. She would see Clarke half naked quite often. The sight would have her biting her pillow to muffle her screams in the wee hours of the morning.

One day Lexa just decided to put all those feelings into box. She knew that it would never happen between them. She and Clarke were too close for that, and at the time the blonde was hiking up more skirts than a strong wind. The brunette hated her acting like that, so she lit in to Clarke’s ass and ignored her for almost a month. All that remained of that attraction faded into a faint ache as time went on and Lexa was okay with that. Now that Clarke returned though, it felt like a fire ignited in Lexa’s heart. She was so mad at her but some of the feelings that the brunette tucked away flooded back.

After having a longer shower than intended, Lexa got dressed and went back into the kitchen. Anya was still feeding Kamran his breakfast. The child had syrup all over his mouth and one cheek puffed with food. His green eyes sparkled as he ate and the brunette noticed a rare beaming smile her sister had on her face taking care of the baby. Lexa grinned as she made a cup of coffee.

 

“’Morning, baby sis. Make sure you save some for Octavia.” Anya called from over her shoulder. “She is going to need it once she gets up.”  
The brunette hummed and popped a piece of bacon in her mouth. She figured that O would still be asleep. The girl didn’t get in until about four in the morning.

“I thought Kam was with Lincoln.” Lexa stated as she made herself a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon and two pancakes with more butter than syrup.

“Lincoln talked with his mother and told her to move it to next weekend. He dropped little man off around seven this morning. You were too busy sucking stumps up with your snoring.” The dirty blonde shrugged softly, making faces while she cleaned the baby’s sticky face. It was too early for a smart comment so Lexa ignored her sister, shaking her head. Lincoln would have a change of heart after Octavia picked up an extra shift. She just didn’t understand his logic sometimes. He was a great guy and all, but he did nice shit at the most inconvenient times. 

 

Lexa heard a door open and Anya barely had the baby out of his highchair before Kamran took off towards the noise. Octavia’s eyes widened in surprise before she bent down and gathered her son up in her arms. The younger girl looked exhausted but perfectly content kissing on her baby. Kamran squealed happily in his mother’s arms as she made her way into the kitchen.

“Good morning my handsome prince,” Octavia spoke into her son’s hair. Lexa knew that the baby would not respond other than a few giggles and coos. The only words he ever said was ‘Mama’ to his mother and would point to what he wanted. The doctor’s told O and Lincoln that he was just a late bloomer but the younger brunette wanted a second opinion. The boy had a brilliant mind and was very observant; learning how to get out of his highchair by completely unlatching it the first time Anya strapped him in.  
They all sat down to breakfast and Anya filled O in about how Lincoln dropped off Kamran. How he was so apologetic about his behavior the other day. Lexa noticed the younger brunette’s brow furrow and then a deep frown formed on her face. She gently rocked the baby in her lap as he gnawed on another dry pancake.

“Why can’t he tell me that to my face?” O huffed. Anya nodded in agreement. 

“I told him to do just that.”

 

Lexa got up without voicing her own opinion. She really had nothing to say on the situation; it wasn’t her place. She decided to pack her stuff to get ready to head back to her apartment. Entering Anya’s room to get her dirty clothes, she noticed her sister’s phone lighting up on the nightstand. She didn’t want to pry but it could be her sister's job calling. The brunette still had no real clue to what her sister did for a living. She was so secretive with certain parts of her life and Lexa knew not to ask questions. Anya was a steel trap and Lexa could never get her to budge, it was worthless to even try.

The phone lit up again and the brunette walked towards the nightstand to it. She was just intending to grab the device and give it to Anya but the name on the call screen raised millions of questions. It was from Clarke’s friend Luna. What was she calling for? 

 

Lexa watched as the phone went to voicemail and then picked up the phone. She clicked the contact name and there were tons of calls between them dating back for months. The brunette felt her blood staring to boil. She didn’t hear Anya enter the bedroom at first but when she looked up; her sister was there with an unreadable expression on her face. Her brown eyes gave away her unease and Lexa could always tell when her sister knew she was busted.

“Lex….” Anya tried but Lexa held up her hand.

“How long?” The brunette whispered, struggling to keep her composure. 

“Please…”

“Answer the question, Anya.” Lexa clenched her fists together. 

“Since the day Clarke left.”

“How could you…” The brunette slowly approached her sister and shoved the phone in her chest. She was so done. How can she ever trust the people closest to her heart if they kept lying to her?

 

Lexa didn’t say another word as she left the bedroom. Octavia gave her a confused glance and made a motion to get up. The older brunette just shook her head and exited the apartment, fury sizzling under her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I make it storm yet or keep it calm for now??? Hmmmmmmm


	21. The Winds, the Pain, and the Hurricane.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke talks to Raven and then is confronted by Lexa,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll (in my Southern twang) here is the Chapter you have been waiting on. There are possible triggers in this chapter. please give me feedback and I wont hesitate to apply them.

It was now six a.m. Sunday morning and Clarke hasn’t had any sleep since Friday. Raven hadn’t spoken to her or Luna since Abby left and the tension in the house was at an all-time high. The blonde worked her Saturday shift on auto pilot. She couldn’t focus on anything but all the drama surrounding her and she was tired and cranky. Today, she would have to face Lexa at her dad’s house. Jake had informed her that Aden would not be attending the dinner because he had a virus. Of course he did, Clarke rolled her eyes. Luna had to work and deal with Abby for twelve hours. She refused to let that woman deter her in her research.

This is why Clarke is standing in front of Raven’s locked door. The blonde knew that she had every right to be upset but she would never regret her decision to keep her out of this. Now if only she would listen to reason. Aside from Lexa, Raven had to be the scariest person that Clarke had to deal with involving tantrums. Prime example being that the Latina was sitting on the edge of her workbench testing the gauge of her blow torch… In the house... With unpacked boxes. Her dangerous gaze never leaving the blonde’s as she entered the room. There were bags under the Latina’s eyes and it had been obvious that she hadn’t left that bench since Friday.

“You haven’t been sleeping.” Clarke tapped her aid and slowly moved forward to pause a moment later by Raven’s raised hand.

“I don’t want to talk right now. Leave.” She spoke evenly before putting her tools down. 

“No, I am going to talk and you are going to listen.” Clarke stood her ground. She was sick of the bull and she was tired of dealing with it in her own home. “Then you’re going to wash your ass, eat breakfast, and sleep.”

Raven scoffed and went to shove her out the room but the blonde was faster; gripping her firmly by the waist. She knew that she would leave this room with a black eye if she had ever gripped her by the arms. Just like Clarke’s upper back was a no zone, Raven’s wrists were hers. Her waist was a neutral area that the blonde found to calm her but for the moment she was struggling in her grasp.

“I fucked up by not telling you sooner,” Clarke whispered and Raven stilled. “Luna found out on accident and it was convenient fro someone who could actually speak to Anya . I didn’t want either of you to be involved even though you would have been a huge asset.”

Raven turned in Clarke’s loosening embrace and still looked upset but did not make a move to escape. The Latina looked quickly at the blonde’s lips before moving her darkened gaze into blues. This situation always led to sex without communicating their problems but they were beyond that. The two women slowly learned how to talk issues and frustrations out over time. They found a common ground with tinkering and focused on that, making small projects their therapy. Then, completely ending their arrangement a year ago. 

Truthfully, Raven had been the only one Clarke slept with after Lexa cursed her out when they were sixteen. That day almost shattered their friendship and the blonde was devastated. She couldn’t eat, train, or sleep. All those fights she got in and all the girls she slept with, didn’t matter anymore. Seeing the hurt and disappointment in Lexa’s eyes, cut her deeper than her mother ever could.

A gentle rub on Clarke’s bicep made her release her grip around Raven’s waist. The older girl took a step back keeping her eyes focused on the young DJ.

“I’m still upset with you and Luna but after meeting Abby, I see why you did it.” Raven spoke tightly. Clarke clenched and released her fists at the mention of her mother but let her friend continue. “I want to know everything and don’t you dare hide shit from me again.”

“Do you want me to tell you now?”

“No,” Raven shook her head, “I want to talk with both of you. I need to save my energy so you both could get cursed out equally.”  
The Latina opened the door, a subtle way to end the conversation, and Clarke walked out. She could tell that Raven wasn’t as mad as before by how gently she closed the door. A moment later she felt the vibration of the shower coming from the wall and the blonde smiled as she went into her room.

A few hours later, Clarke still hadn’t gotten any rest. Raven went straight to bed after her shower and she decided to let her sleep and bring her a plate after dinner. She chugged a Redbull as she drove out to her Dad’s house. The sky was darkened with storm clouds and it started to drizzle as she pulled in the driveway. Strange, Jake’s truck was not in the lot and the side door to the standalone garage door was cracked. The blonde exited the car, ignoring the pattering rain and walked to the building. She had not been in her for years. 

“Dad?” She called into the pitch black room as she searched for a light switch. When she found it and light illuminated in the room, all the breath escaped her lungs.

 

Clarke stared hard at her motorcycle in her father’s garage. It was obvious that Jake had been working on it off and on for a while. There were new tires and the body had been removed showing the half-finished engine. She thought that her bike had been destroyed that night but her dad and Marcus picked it up sometime after she fled town. Clarke slowly reached out to touch the bike before memories of the accident flashed through her mind. The scars on her back started to burn like the gravel was tearing at her flesh again, the vibration of Lexa’s screams as her shoulder tore from its socket, and the blurry vision of Cage as he looked at her directly in the eyes before everything went back. The blonde had never driven a motorcycle since then. She quickly retracted her hands and balled them into fists at her side. 

 

It was too soon to be in here and Clarke turned to exit the garage and was frozen in place by the green gaze staring back at her. She had only seen that cold look aimed at her when their friendship was put to the test years ago. Lexa stood rigidly at the door, jaw clenched and her eyes shifted to the bike behind the blonde and her hand subconsciously reached up the rub at her injured shoulder. So she feels it too, Clarke thought to herself as the brunette shut her eyes briefly, took a deep breath, and stepped inside.

 

Lexa approached with sure steps and Clarke stood still as she approached. Her heart did the opposite as it picked up its rate the closer she got into her space. The blonde could almost feel the tension rolling off the brunette in waves but she couldn’t tell if it was about being in the same room as the last vehicle they rode on together or something else. Clarke felt uneasy as she took in the appearance of her best friend as she now stood two feet in front of her. Lexa had bags under her eyes from lack of sleep; similar to her own blues when she looked in the mirror. Her hair was thrown into a ponytail that was damp from the drizzle outside. The blue t-shirt and sweats had droplets scattered across them. She looked exhausted and like she was straining to keep her composure before openening her mouth to speak. 

“I wondered how Anya could be so nonchalant about your disappearance.” Lexa spoke flatly and Clarke felt the bitterness of the vibrations that the aid tickled in her ear canal. The blonde blinked in surprise; she thought it was going to be about the club or the dis ease about the bike. That was the last thing she expected to come out of her mouth. 

“You have been keeping in touch with my sister for six fucking years and didn’t think to let me know that you were okay?” she spat, her composer slipped and the brunette was seething. Clarke swallowed hard but stood her ground. This was going to be bad.

“Lex-“Clarke started, but the brunette cut her off.

“SHUT UP!” She shouted and the blonde winced. The vibrated violently in her ear but she didn’t take it out. “You and my sister hid this shit from me! Did you make her lie to me about where you were?”

“Yes, but-” Clarke felt a firm shove against her shoulder and she closed her eyes feeling herself starting to get irritated but also flooded with guilt

“I thought you were dead somewhere in a ditch. Aden and I mourned you; Jake would lock himself up in this garage and work on your bike just to feel connected to you. He never lost hope that you would come home once he fixed the bike. My mother searched three states for you, you asshole!” Lexa got in her face, the fury in her jade eyes blazed as thunder cracked against the evening sky. The lights in the garage flickered but it did nothing to end the glaring match between the two friends. Were they even friends at this point?

“What else have you lied to me about?”

“Nothing!” that was a lie.

“I don’t believe you!”

“It’s the truth…” another lie.

“You didn’t have to leave.” Thunder clapped again, a steady rain now beating down on the roof.

“I had to protect-” the blonde was cut off again. Now she was getting good and pissed. Lexa would not her speak.

“Fuck the protection! We needed you to come home!”

“I’m here now, Lexa!” Clarke shouted. She was sure her ear was bleeding now. Her ear was starting to throb.

“After you ran and hid from everyone who cared about you!” Lexa pushed her again making Clarke’s step falter. The middle beam in the garage dug into the aching scar on her back and something in her snapped. 

In the blink of an eye, Clarke had Lexa against the wall with both arms pinned at her sides. She was so close to the brunette’s face that she would smell the mint of the toothpaste she used. She notice the shock of the action riddled all over her best friend’s face 

“They drug me into a darkened parking deck and beat the shit out of me while they threatened my family’s well-being.” Clarke spoke bitterly as her grip tightened around Lexa’s arms. “ If I didn’t leave, those men told me they were going to take it slow with you and make Aden and my dad watch as they did what they wanted with your body before killing you.”  
Clarke watched as Lexa’s eyes filled slowly with disgust and fear and she couldn’t help tightening her grip on the brunette’s arms. 

“I will never regret my past actions, and if I had to do it all over; I would die fighting to keep them from harming a hair on your head.” She forced herself to continue through the next wave of pure rage flow through her.

“I am so fucking tired of being treated like the bad guy for trying to do the right thing. My own brother punched me in the face when he has no fucking idea what I sacrificed! My bitch of a mother comes to my door step at three in the morning to continue to make my life a living her and my best friend…” 

“You’re hurting me…”

Lexa winced and Clarke realized how tightly she holding onto her arms. She let her go and saw her hand imprinted on the brunette’s skin. The blonde was instantly riddled with regret for losing control as her friend rubbed at her arms and had to turn away. She was sure that there was going to be bruises tomorrow. Shit, she was messing everything up again. 

“I should have never made you get on this,” Clarke shouted as picked up a sledge hammer, “Stupid…” raising it over her head, “BIKE!” and with the last word she swings the hammer down with all her might onto the stationary machine sending bits flying across the room. She swung the weapon again and again, ignoring the pain in her arms and the screams from Lexa telling her to stop. Her aid eventually fell out and the whole garage was silenced to her as she destroyed the motorcycle. The sounds of the storm; gone.  
Clarke’s arms gave out and she went to sink to her knees but masculine arms wrapped around her waist and she broke. The only thing that made her aware of her own screaming was the rawness of her throat.


	22. Healing Touch.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa takes care of Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all the love, here is another chapter a bit early! There is not much dialogue happening here, but speaking between the two of them is not needed much in this chapter. Enjoy and all mistakes are mine.

As the storm raged on outside, Lexa could feel her vocal chords burning as she yelled at Clarke to stop destroying her motorcycle. It was all in vain after the blonde’s aid fell out. She could only watch, trying not to get hit with a wild swing and stray parts flying across the room. The brunette was going to wait until her friend wore herself out so she could try and calm her.

 

She had witnessed the pure fear in those stormy blues as she told her about what those assholes said while they nearly beat her to death. The fear turned into pure rage once the memory seemed to replay in Clarke’s mind. Her grip had tightened on her arms until it was almost unbearable. The bruises in Lexa’s arms ached as she rubbed at them. All this time, her best friend had been holding in all of this hurt and it finally exploded. The young pianist felt sick to her stomach and all that anger she felt earlier didn’t dissipate; it was refocused on all the people that had ever caused Clarke harm and also at herself.

When Lexa finally saw Clarke’s swings falter, she went to make her move. Jake beat her to it by wrapping his strong arms around his daughter’s waist before she could drop to her knees alongside the sledge hammer. The blonde released a broken scream, straining against him with what energy she had left.

“Clarke…honey stop,” Jake tried and failed. The blonde pulled against him again. Lexa quickly kneeled in front of Clarke, taking her blistered hands into her own and placed them around her neck. She could feel the raw palms against her skin as they gently gripped around her throat. Clarke instantly stopped struggling.

Lexa’s heart was pounding but she was not scared. When Clarke would get upset, she had been the only one able to get in her space with no worries of getting harmed. The blonde’s eyes opened slowly, but when she spotted the bruises forming on Lexa’s arms, she closed them again. Clarke tried to turn her head away and the brunette gripped her chin. She kept one hand on top of the ones around her throat.

“Look at me,” Lexa spoke. The DJ shook her head. “Clarke, open your eyes…..Please.”

“I hurt you,” A cracked voice replied and watery blue eyes met green.

“I hurt you too, and I'm so sorry,” the brunette released a small sob before placing her forehead on Clarke’s.

At some point, Jake had released his grip and stood up, but Lexa was solely focused on her best friend. Clarke still had her hands around her throat; holding on lightly.

“You are so good, Clarke.” Lexa murmured, knowing that the blonde could still feel her. “Let me protect you now.” At that, Clarke completely sagged in her arms, placing her sweat and tear stained face against her breasts. Lexa wrapped her arms around her head as they cried together, adding their own salty droplets to the freshness of the rain.

They stayed like that for a while until Jake urged them inside the house and made it clear that no traveling would be happening tonight. He told them that Anya and Octavia turned around halfway because of the storm so it was just the three of them for the evening. Lexa needed to talk to her sister and actually hear her side of the story dealing with the situation with Clarke. She couldn’t bring herself to reply to the endless texts and missed calls over the past two days. Lexa felt too angry and betrayed at the time. She also needed to have a conversation with Clarke as well, but that will have to wait until the emotions weren’t so raw.

 

It was painful to know that her best friend has been holding everything in to spare everyone else all from this pain. Clarke never talked about Abby, never said how tired she was after she took care of Aden even though it showed, and nothing about what went on when she was in the streets dealing. She knew that part of her was always under lock and key.  
None of that seemed to matter in this moment as Lexa cleaned Clarke’s hands. The wooden handle had done a number on her skin; a few splinters cut through the palms and the forming of blisters at the base of her fingers. The blonde remained silent and didn’t even flinch when the peroxide was applied. She was seated on the bed and Lexa was standing between her legs and were both still in their wet clothes. 

 

After Lexa finished wrapping Clarke’s hands, she felt her head tip into her breasts. The brunette didn’t hesitate to run her fingers through the blonde locks in soothing strokes. A soft sigh warmed the spot right at her rib cage. Lexa knew that Clarke was exhausted and rubbing her head had always calmed her, but she felt her stiffen when her hands reached the top of the blonde’s back. The welts of the old wound on her shoulders were raised against her fingertips. This must be uncomfortable for her, Lexa thought. She went to back away, but strong bandaged hands settled low on her hips to keep her close. The brunette gasped at the touch, partly from the cold and mostly how Clarke’s hands warmed her skin. 

Lexa resumed her stroking for a few moments and then took a step back. Clarke looked at her with a tired look on her face. 

-Need to get out those wet clothes- Lexa signed and the blonde stood, taking her shirt off. At full height, Clarke almost had a full head over her so Lexa had to look up to avoid getting an eyeful of her breasts. They were covered by a dark blue sports bra. She turned to face the dresser to find clothes for them to give Clarke a bit of privacy since the exit to the room was behind her.

Lexa tossed a pair of boxers and an A-shirt behind her hoping that Clarke would at least put the shirt on. The blonde had always preferred being topless when they were growing up, opting for either a tank top or a sports bra and boxers when she roamed around the house. Seriously, the woman burned like an oven and Lexa usually found herself cuddled up to her when she was cold.

 

She heard shuffling behind her and then a moment later, she felt the human furnace come closer to her. Clarke stood over her, wrapped Lexa’s hair in a warm towel and proceeded to dry her hair. It was heavenly and Lexa had to admit that it took everything for the her not to melt into the touch.

 

Clarke had given her some privacy to get dressed after drying her hair and Lexa was about to head to the guest bedroom before a flash of lightning lit up the sky and then the lights went out. The brunette stilled as she felt a hand at her neck.

“Stay…” Clarke whispered. Lexa only nodded against the hand at her throat before she was led to the bed. The blonde got in first, and Lexa followed a second later, settling at the edge of the bed. She tried not to get too close to Clarke but warm arms wrapped around her chilled abdomen and pulled her close. 

Lexa didn’t realize that she had fallen asleep until she was woken up by sun rays in her eyes and cold sheets behind her. Clarke was gone and she was sure she had felt her forehead still tingling from the blonde’s kiss.


	23. Sight Reading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa work together and they both won't tolerate the bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll I know it has been a month and I apologize. Thanks for sticking with me! comments are greatly appreciated. There is some minor bullying in this chapter. All mistakes are mine and not fully edited, but I really wanted to get this out to you all.

It has been has been a month since the interview with Azgeda and the last time Clarke had a real conversation with Lexa or her dad. She barely spoke to Luna and Raven as the tension was still high in the household. The blonde poured herself into her night job and the new gig that she now has with Azgeda Industries. Nia was thoroughly impressed with her achievements as a hearing impaired DJ and the equipment she and Raven developed so she could do her job. Clarke was glad she and the Latina put a patent on their work and would be paid for every second it was used in the production of this soundtrack.

 

This is why Clarke was in the company’s auditorium at six in the morning putting her finishing touches of her equipment on the stage before the sight read four hours for now. She had attached wires to each of the chairs that were positioned in a half moon in front of the conductor’s podium. Each one of the wires was attached to a device that was linked to her gloves. Aside from the bells, chimes, and marimba, the percussion section linked to the caps attached to her shoes. 

Clarke was nervous for two reasons: One, she would have more than two word conversation with Lexa for the first time in a month and two; she would actually feel some of her best friend’s music with her invention for the very first time. This would amp up the way Clarke could interpret her music ten-fold. Lexa told her that the music was written for her and the blonde was beyond ready to understand what the brunette had been experiencing in her absence. Hopefully, the band members that Lexa hired can capture what she is actually trying to say through her music. 

 

Clarke always thought that Lexa always had a way of communicating through her music. The way she would caress the keys when she was happy, and the sharp strike against the ivory when she was angry, stimulated the blonde better than any speaking conversation ever could. Even as a kid, Clarke admired her as she learned how to cope with the sudden loss of hearing with Lexa by her side every step of the way.

She thought back to the time that her best friend calmed her down from anxiety attack after being picked on in middle school. Lexa gripped her gently by the wrists and pulled her to the piano. She placed Clarke’s hands on the exposed strings gently and quickly started to play. The blonde was instantly calmed, and had been hooked to her music ever since. 

There was a sharp tap a couple paces away that caught her attention from her seated position on the stage floor next to her syncing device. Clarke turned her head to the left and there her green eyed goddess stood. Damn, Lexa was so beautiful, even with a less than impressed grimace on her face. The blonde knew that she deserved that look because she had been avoiding Lexa as much as possible when she found out that they would be working together on the project. Clarke was to record the brunette’s music and make a dubstep like spin to it. At first, the blonde disagreed not wanting to alter Lexa’s music in any way, but the brunette wrote on a contract that only Clarke had permission to alter her music that she had written.

The blonde was shocked and wanted to talk to her about it, but she spotted the yellow fading bruises on the brunette’s upper arms as she was coming out of her blazer and quickly walked away. She kept all interactions with Lexa to a minimum, constantly kicking herself for hurting her friend in any way. Clarke never noticed how quickly the woman pulled on her top and the flash of hurt on her face as she walked away.  
Lexa’s gaze was burning into Clarke’s skin as she stood and faced her. She saw the brunette sigh before motioning to sign.

-you have been avoiding me- Lexa’s frown deepened when Clarke didn’t respond. The blonde stood her ground as she watched her best friend slowly approach. Her heart rate picked up when Lexa took her fully healed calloused hands into her own. The Blisters from that stormy night in the shed took over a week to heal, but Luna always made sure to clean and bandage them after every shift she had at the hospital. The redhead never asked questions, so Clarke said nothing about how she got them.  
The blonde looked deeply into Lexa’s eyes for a moment before focusing her gaze on the full pink lips. She had to tilt her head down a bit to fully take in the Pianist’s features. Her usually jade irises had taken on a light shady of gray, meaning that she was upset, but willing to talk. They sometimes turned that color when she was about to get sick. Lexa’s face did look a bit flushed, and she had on jacket in late May.  
.  
Clarke instantly missed the soothing touch as she freed one of her hands to place her wrist on the shorter woman’s forehead. She ignored the way Lexa stiffened for a moment before relaxing into the touch. The blonde frowned because she was burning up. All of this work that needed to be done had apparently taken its toll on her.

 

-You’re sick- Clarke signed. Lexa rolled her eyes.

-I’m OK-

It was Clarke’s turn to do the eye rolling. Lexa was so fucking stubborn and she started to argue, but the brunette cut her off.

“I’m not here to fight with you, Clarke. I just want to do this sight read and go home.” Lexa mouthed before quickly turning her head, snatching her other hand away to use the bend of her elbow to cough into. She faced her again, “We are going to be working together, so that means we need to communicate. You can go back to ignoring me after this is over.”

Lexa shrugged past her to set up before the rest of the band showed up, leaving no more room for debate. Clarke clenched her jaw tightly, knowing that this was going to be a long day.

Clarke took in the vibrations of the music before her intently while watching her best friend conduct. Lexa had truly written a masterpiece and the blonde could feel almost every emotion that her best friend had ever felt during those six years apart. There were some movements full of rage and some that was pure sadness. One part on the piece had a sense of longing that Clarke related with all too well. She had missed the brunette with every fiber of her being while she was on the other side of the country. There were countless sleepless nights of wondering if Lexa was okay. Anya would only keep all texts brief about her sister’s and Aden’s well-being, but it did nothing to help the need she had to take them both in her arms and never let go. 

The young DJ finally realized what she that feeling truly was towards Lexa until that night when they watched the sunset that Sunday night. She wanted to be everything that the brunette needed her to be. Clarke didn’t want to only be her lover; she yearned for the whole package. There was no way that was going to happen, so she needed to be there in the only way that she could; as a friend. 

The word tasted bitter in her thoughts just like the off key chord coming from her right glove. Clarke snapped her head up just as Lexa signaled for the band to stop. She heard it too because now the brunette was now approaching the string section to her right. There was a female cellist that was looked she was huffing in annoyance for her stopping the music. Lexa had two or three coughing fits during the first two hours of practice, having to stop the music so she could catch her breath. Most of the members of the orchestra were very patient, while some looked on concerned. If Clarke even made a move to come on stage an angry glare would be thrown her way. 

The dark haired cellist was the only one who had shown her distaste and was now vocalizing it animatedly with a now very irritated Lexa. Fuck this, Clarke thought as she ascended to the stairs to the stage once she noticed that the woman was starting to clutch her instrument tighter.  
Lexa faced Clarke calmly and the she noticed the storm brewing behind those now electric green eyes.

-Leave it alone C-L-A-R-K-E- Lexa signed quickly. Clarke ignored her and turned her focus to the disturbance behind her. The woman had cold dark eyes and a scowl plastered on her face and did not hesitate to open her mouth to spew out her venom.

“I am sick of starting over. Why did you bring your sick ass here spreading your germs and shit?” The cellist spat and the blonde started to smile menacingly. Lexa shook her head before having another coughing fit. Clarke needed to end this now and get the woman in bed. She turned her aid on before speaking.

“You know, you talk a lot of crap to be the one that has been sharp this whole part of the movement.” The woman bristled at the statement as Several people shifted uncomfortably in their seats and other snorted into their instruments. The cellist didn’t like that and stood from her seat and got in her face. Clarke didn’t budge because if the girl had the balls to strike her, she was going to smash her face in.

“What did you say to me, you deaf bitch?”

Before Clarke could speak, a brunette blur was instantly between 

“ONTARI!” Lexa growled, “that is your first and your last time disrespecting her or anyone here. Clarke will always be a better musician that you ever will. You aren’t even talented enough to tell when you are sharp”

Clarke felt chills as Lexa stepped into Ontari’s face. The brunette always had a low tolerance for people like her. “Now, get the hell out of my auditorium. You’re fired.”  
Ontari glared back at her for a moment and Clarke wanted her to try and pull something. The dark haired woman packed up her instrument loudly before storming out of the building.

“Anyone else that has an issue can follow her. We are all adults here and I will not tolerate the bull. Is that clear?” Lexa spoke coolly.

Everyone nodded silently.

“Good.”


	24. Almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's body forces her to slow down and so does CLarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its almost 2 am. All mistakes are mine. If i need to go back and edit, i will in a few days. ya'll are going to be mad at me anyway sorry, not sorry ;-)

After Lexa dismissed Ontari from the band, the rest of the orchestra members were more relaxed and it made practice flow much smoother. She couldn’t believe that chick had the balls to speak to Clarke like that. The brunette wanted to knock her teeth in and she was pretty sure she would have if Ontari opened her mouth to say anything else. Clarke never left her side on that stage since then. Every now and then, the two would share a brief glance and the brunette would see concern in those entrancing azure eyes. It was quite annoying to have her hovering even though the blonde sat quietly off to the side focusing intently on her work.

 

Lexa was absolutely exhausted during the whole practice. Her head was pounding and her chest hurt from the excessive coughing. Her bed was calling her name, but she was saddened by the fact that she was going to be alone. She did miss Costia even more so since Clarke had been ignoring her. Lexa hated that she didn’t crave her fiancée’s as much she should and that was problem. She needed to fix it but how? Costia was on the other side of the world and it had they had barely spoken. 

Lexa did try to reach out to her over the past month, but it was touch and go with her. The woman had been snippier during their weekly skype chats. E-mails were very few and far in-between even though the brunette messaged her every three days with updates on her new job. None of those messages were responded to. This whole month was hard and Lexa had never felt so alone. Aden had fallen off the map for some reason. The teenager quit his job at the bookstore that she owned without a notice and he hadn’t been around to Jake’s for Sunday dinners. Lexa felt her heart breaking for the man, who is like a second father to her, sit quietly eating dinner without his actual kids sitting at the dinner table. Anya, Octavia, baby Kam, and her mother had all been there to see him trying to keep himself together every Sunday since the night Clarke destroyed her motorcycle. 

Anya and Lexa never really had a talk about her secrets, not without lack of trying on both their parts. The two of them had been too busy to talk to one another; the dirty blonde, with her top secret job, and the brunette running her business on top of writing her score for the soundtrack. She had been going non-stop the whole month of May.  
Lexa felt the body aches last night before she went to bed and after about four hours of sleep, the coughing kept her up the rest of the night. She was running on two double shot chai tea lattes and a Dayquil. Nothing seemed to be helping the cough and the fatigue but she had to get through this sight read. Just a few more run-

“I’m gonna call it a day ya’ll,” Clarke called from next to her. Lexa jerked in surprise, when did she get next to her? The brunette opened her mouth to argue but all that escaped was rough cough, burning her throat. She felt a strong hand on her lower back soothing her through it. Damn, did she miss that woman’s touch.  
“We will pick up again next week,” She spoke again and all of the orchestra nodding their heads in agreement shooting concerned glances her way. Lexa knew that her cough sounded rough but she was really- who was she kidding? She could barely keep her eyes open and they all knew it. It was surprising that Clarke let practice go on for as long as it did. 

Lexa had to wait until the entire band left to lock the building up. It took a moment to realize that Clarke had a key as well. She snuck out of the building to her car. She attempted to close her door, but a firm hand gripping the edge stopped her from doing so. Shit, she was so close to her escape.

“If you think I’m letting you drive, you have another thing coming Lex.” Clarke spoke softly, and Lexa didn’t have any right left in her to argue.

“You can go back to ignoring me now Clarke,” Lexa rasped. The blonde glared at her but waited patiently for her to move to the passenger seat. The brunette huffed and slowly buckled her seat belt and sat placed her head on the rest. She didn’t even get to tell Clarke where she lived before she was out like a light.

It was dark when Lexa woke up in an unfamiliar bed that smelled like Clarke. Thank goodness her nose wasn’t stopped up as she inhaled her scent deeply. She felt cold sheets behind her and tried not to feel disappointed by the lack of the blonde’s presence. The emotion was short lived as the bedroom door creaked open and the woman in question entered the room with a steaming bowl of soup and cup of tea.

Clarke turned on the bedside lamp and placed the tray on the night stand. Lexa slowly sat up and peered into the bowl. It was her Pho; her favorite soup in the whole world. Her heart swelled with a few emotions that she thought that were long gone. The blonde always got her pho when she was sick because that was the only thing that Lexa would eat. She even went out of her way to learn to make it herself when all of the restaurants were closed after the brunette woke up in the middle of the night.

Lexa had no idea what was in the cup but it smelled like Jake’s moonshine hot totty. That stuff will make you sweat your insides out, killing whatever bad bacteria that invaded your body. She quietly watched as Clarke blew at the spoon full of hot soup before putting it to Lexa’s lips. The brunette folded her arms across her chest in a weak rebellious attempt before the tempting smell of the broth called to her. She knew that the blonde had made it herself by the different spices she added for flavor and opened her mouth to accept the offering. Lexa’s eyes rolled back into her head as she moaned around the spoon. She missed Clarke’s cooking so much. There were many nights that Lexa had been sick and Costia didn’t have the first clue how to feed her when she was sick. The darker skinned woman called Anya and the dirty blonde refused to come unless all projectiles were out of reaching distance. The woman had actually worn a football helmet to bring the takeout pho into her bedroom before running out of it.

Lexa slowly opened her eyes to see a red faced Clarke trying to avoid eye contact. The brunette still had her lips wrapped around the spoon and her eyes widened. The vibration from the spoon… she felt her own face heating up. Down girl, damn, it’s just soup. The blonde finished feeding Lexa the soup and got her to drink most of the totty before she felt her eyes get heavy again.

“Sleep, Lex.” Clarke tucked her in before the brunette could ask her to stay and exited the room.

The next time Lexa woke, it was morning. Her skin felt clammy from sweating but this was the most rested she felt in a long time. She sat up in bed slowly to see some of Clarke’s clothes neatly folded on the opposite side of the bed. On top of the outfit, was a toothbrush and a neatly written note.

Shower is in door right in front of bed. Grabbing us some breakfast. Make yourself at home.  
-Clarke

 

Lexa smiled softly at the note before getting out of bed and stretching. She noticed that the blonde removed was her jacket, t-shirt, and leaving her in her black tank-top and a pair of Clarke’s pajama pants. She stretch and winced from feeling the ache in her ribs from coughing. Her throat was a little raw but she didn’t feel the urge to cough.

 

Clarke’s room was spacious even with the queen sized bed in the middle of the room. There was a computer desk in the corner, littered with drawings and notes. Some of the room still had unpacked boxes in the corner as Lexa made her way into the bathroom. The room was spotless, with a stand-in stone shower and wood stained rusted vanity. Lexa took in the bathroom before relieving her bladder and taking a shower, helping herself to Clarke’s Old Spice body wash.  
Thirty minutes later, a fully groomed and refreshed Lexa exited the blonde’s bedroom, making her way down the hall. The other bedrooms along the way were closed and the house was almost silent aside from some shuffling coming from the living room.

Clarke was standing in the center of the room with her work gloves on slowly moving to the vibrations that it was emitting. She had on tight black leggings and a loose fitting shirt, clearly in her element. Lexa watched silently until Clarke turned around with a soft smile on her face. The pianist missed that look so much. She just missed all of her, so fucking much. 

-How do you feel- Clarke signed as she approached the shorter woman and placed a cool wrist to her forehead. Lexa felt her breath catch at the touch, though the gesture was a sincere act; it still gave her butterflies low in her abdomen.

-Rested- Lexa smiled before eyeing the gloves on Clarke’s hands. –what are you rocking to-

-you- the blonde replied quickly, taking off her gloves. Lexa quirked her eyebrow curiously at her friend’s actions; what was she up to? 

-put these on L-E-X- Clarke grinned as the brunette hesitantly held out her hands to put the gloves on her hands. They were still warm from Clarke’s hands and Lexa found comfort in wearing them. She was finally going to see things from a different perspective; the way Clarke interpreted her music. 

Lexa felt her mind get fuzzy when she felt those warm hands around her waist. She had to fight a shiver at the touch as she was guided to a floor panel with strings leading to a stereo. Clarke guided her feet to the right position on a foot pad linked to the wires. 

Clarke shifted behind her, body almost flush against her back and Lexa was swarmed by her smell. She couldn’t think straight. Against her wishes, the butterflies fluttered again, much lower than before. This was not good. She should not be aroused right now, but damn, Clarke’s touch was driving her mad.

“Is this okay?” Clarke whispered close to her ear and Lexa shuddered when her breath tickled her ear. She only could give a shaky nod before Clarke started the music.  
Lexa was floored by all of the complex vibrations stroking her senses. There was a music stand in front of her with a copy of her written score laid out before her that she could follow along with, but she didn’t need it. Wow, this was all so surreal and the brunette could feel her hear racing as the vibrations intensified at the shift of movements in the song. Goosebumps prickled her skin as Clarke’s lips bushed her ear. Her knees buckled but the blonde held her steady. This was too much stimulation; the vibrations radiating through Lexa’s body and Clarke’s fingers so close to her skin was making her sex pulse.

“This is what I feel, Lex.” Clarke murmured and Lexa turned her face toward the lips tickling her ear. She looked up slightly and jade and azure eyes locked before the brunette focused on those lips that haunted her more and more over the past month. They were inches apart; breath’s mingling together, both with hints of Clarke’s toothpaste. Lexa feathered her lips against the blonde’s before a sharp vibration snapped her back into reality. She quickly turned her head back forward.

 

Shit, shit, shit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to yell at me in the comments.


	25. Pull and Push; Hot and Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke pushes, but Lexa pushes back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, but fear not, I have other chapters started. Idk what order to put them in though. Anywho, lets amp things up a bit shall we.

Clarke felt all of the moisture in her body flow south with just the faint touch of Lexa’s lips against her own. She cursed the music for reaching the climax prematurely but a small part of her was relieved. She had never meant to take it this far, but the way the brunette’s body responded to her peaked her curiosity. Lexa had been rubbing her legs together through most of the song and she never made a motion to push her away after their almost kiss. The blonde could feel her best friend trembling in her arms and noticed the chill bumps rise on her skin. 

 

“Is your fever coming back?” Clarke spoke gently next to Lexa’s ear. The woman shuddered again, and shook her head. The blonde knew the real reason why but still had to ask. When Lexa would get sick, her fever would be fine for hours and then spike later on in the day. The blonde was pretty sure this was mostly from exhaustion, though the coughing fits were puzzling. They were fits were terrible all through the night and Clarke would wake her up every four hours to give the barely aware woman a dose of cough syrup. Lexa would fight her for a second before falling back to sleep. The blonde barely left her side all night, holding her close from the top of the blanket.

 

They stood there, not moving from their position. She decided to use the opportunity of having Lexa’s facing away from her to her advantage. This way, the brunette could only give yes or no answers. Boy was she wrong when a gloved hand gripped her own.  
Clarke felt her hand being guided slowly to Lexa’s neck and then warmth when the woman settled fully against her front. In her light grip, she could felt the brunette swallow before the vibrations of her voice caressing her fingertips.

 

“That won’t work Clarke,” Lexa murmured. “Try that on someone who doesn’t know that you can feel them.”

 

The blonde knew that she was busted, but it surprised her that Lexa still did not try to move from her hold. It felt so right in this position; she could feel the brunette’s thudding pulse against her fingertips and the accelerated rise and fall of her breath against her front. This was a way for her to communicate anyone who didn’t know her would never let her put her hands anywhere near their throat. Clarke only used this method on Lexa, and then in the future with Luna and Raven. It was never this intimate and warm.  
Clarke could smell the Old spice on Lexa’s skin as she leaned closer to the crook of her neck and breathed in. It smelled sweeter on her somehow. The brunette stiffened, but still did not move.

 

“Do you like how I can feel you Lexa?” Clarke whispered into her skin and she felt the woman’s knees buckle. She planted her feet into the carpet to support the brunette’s swaying frame. Feeling bold; she continued to speak when Lexa didn’t reply. Clarke used her free hand to grip the shorter woman’s hip and she felt them jerk forward a bit.. “You like how I can feel your breath shudder when I touch you…the pounding of your heart against my fingertips?”

 

“Clarke….” Lexa sighed and squeezed her legs together. 

 

“Yes?” Clarke smiled, gently caressing the brunette’s throat with her thumb. The blonde could feel her own body responding just as much as Lexa’s was. The apex of her thighs felt slick with arousal and she was pretty sure it was seeping through her leggings. Crap, she should have put on underwear.

 

“Don’t you know that I can feel you too, Clarke?” Lexa poke again, pushing her throat harder into Clarke’s hand. It was the blonde’s turn to freeze this time, the power play shifting instantly. She could feel the brunette’s ass pressing more firmly into her front. “Your heart is beating just as hard as mine.”  
Clarke tried to release her hold on Lexa’s neck but a firm hand gripped her wrists.

 

“I can feel how shaky your speech is when whisper onto my skin.” Lexa let go of the blonde’s wrist and quickly turned to face her. Clarke had to take a step back but the brunette was on her in seconds, with a firm hand against the blonde’s twitching abs. This was not what Clarke was expecting. Lexa’s touch was burning her skin through her shirt and it was driving her mad with want. The pianist’s pupils were dilated; green irises were rimmed thinly around the edges. She took the blonde’s hand and placed it back on her throat. Clarke looked down at Lexa’s lips. They were swollen and red. She must have been biting them.

“Clarke your hips have been twitching since you stood up against me.” Lexa was taunting her now. 

“So have yours,” Clarke shot back. “I never denied the fact that I want you, Lex.”

 

“Neither did I,” Lexa took a step closer.

 

Clarke looked back up into her eyes. They were still dark with arousal but beneath that was confusion and fear. They stared at one another for a long moment, both trying to calm the yearning between them.

“I told you I can’t… how can I want you when I don’t even know you anymore? How…when I am engaged?” Lexa looked down then. Clarke stepped back, she understood; she really did. That didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. 

 

“I don’t want you to avoid me for a month again, either.” The brunette continued. “I want you there at Sunday dinner with Jake. I- we just got you back…” She paused again and the vibrations didn’t pick up for a long moment. Clarke was beginning to worry. She felt Lexa’s hand absentmindedly trace lightly against her abdomen. The brunette always had a tendency to fidget when she was trying to find the right words to say.

 

“Give me the chance to get to know you again.” Lexa spoke softly, looking up into Clarke’s eyes again. The blonde felt the sliver of hope slip into her grasp and she quickly nodded. “As a friend…I need you to respect that’s all I can give you right now.”

Clarke nodded again. She can do this…can’t she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need your opinion: Cheat or naw?


	26. Blurred lines and Puss Melons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven meets baby Kam and Luna thinks she's broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters this week. Yay! If you are just tuning in today, go back a chapter. Don't judge the chapter title; it will make sense in the end...sort of.

Raven sighed as she watched her junior class enter her classroom. Most of the students looked anxious as they found their seats, and the one that she had been waiting on had not yet entered. The Latina could not fight the disappointment in her absence. It has been a few weeks since classes started and she decided to give the students the first test of the semester last Monday. It was now Friday, and the tests were ready to review. 

 

Raven always took longer when grading papers so she would know how to address each student personally, even if it was one hundred of them. She refused to take more students than that and the engineering board tried to fight her on it. Raven shut that shit down quick in the most professional way possible even though she wanted to tell those stiff assholes to go tuck their dicks to the back and fuck themselves. The class was too advanced to take on more than fifty students but she was able to get if from four hundred to the hundred she had. 

 

Raven knew that at least 40 students would drop the class after the first test but she hoped that Octavia wasn’t one of them. The younger brunette was usually early on the weeks when she didn’t have her son and on the weeks she had him, she was usually about twenty minutes late. Raven noticed her routine early on and this was not Octavia’s week. There were two other students with children in her class; a single father named Monty, who had no other family but his daughter, and a married woman who had tons of support most class days. Two of the three of those young parents had the highest test scores out of the whole class and one of them was missing.

 

There was still no sign of Octavia and class started in three minutes, so Raven decided to pop her head out of the door to look for her. She spotted to woman in question in another heated discussion with Lincoln. The baby was sleeping soundly in his stroller and they were trying to keep their voices as low as possible.

 

“Why didn’t you find a sitter for him when you knew you had lab today, Lincoln?” Octavia hissed. “You always do this to me? You know I can’t go into class with him.”

 

Lincoln was silent and Raven rolled her eyes. Wow, how inconsiderate. This was the second time she had seen them argue. For the most part, her student was usually only mildly  
annoyed with him. Overall, she was an excellent student.

 

Octavia attended office hours in the first week to make Raven aware of the situation and also to quietly apologize about her behavior before class started. She would always ask questions when she didn’t understand something and would set up study sessions with Monty while Anya volunteered to babysit while they did. Luna was the one that told her about it absent mindedly one day while they were sitting in the kitchen after one of her night shifts at the hospital. They were still in an awkward stage but they were working on it after Raven went off on both of them when all of the three of them were home a three nights ago. Tears were shed, voices were lost, and it was great. Clarke was still a bit more silent than normal. Wearing herself out in the gym and then work, the blonde would usually head straight to bed after fixing them all dinner.

 

“The sitter got sick this morning,” The man started to finally defend himself.

“Soooo… you didn’t think to tell me that, you doofus?” Octavia sighed. “I’m going to miss class…”

Raven took that as her cue to interrupt. She cleared her throat gently to get their attention. The both turned and the young brunette dropped her eyes. No, Raven thought to  
herself. She wanted to see her eyes, which were usually so bright when she was in class learning. 

 

“Blake, it is okay if you him in class today,” Raven spoke gently and Octavia lifted her head to look her in her eyes. The Latina saw a flash of worry and quickly continued, “This is just a review of the test from Monday.”

 

“A-are you sure?” the student hesitated for second but made a motion towards the class room once the teacher nodded her head. Raven glared at Lincoln once Octavia passed her. The young man dropped his shoulders and sighed before heading to class, looking absolutely defeated. She should not get involved but she cared too much about her students.

In the last twenty minutes of class, Raven was going over a problem when she felt a thump against the back of her legs. She paused with her problem and looked down to see baby Kam slapping lightly against her calf. She had honestly forgotten the baby was in class. He had been so quiet during the discussion that his presence was a surprise. Once the baby realized she got her attention, he reached up for her and Raven’s heart almost melted on the spot. She squatted down to his level and scooped him into her arms. Kam giggled and patted at her cheek. 

“I am so sorry,” Octavia spoke, rising from her seat at the back of the class. Raven shook her head as she held him on her hip, rocking him gently while she used her free hand to complete the problem on the board. The toddler opened up one of the markers and began to quietly doodle at the very bottom of the board. There were chuckles from the students in the class at first and then murmurs and gasps when they saw what the two year old was writing on the board.

Raven looked down and gasped in shock. He had been copying the numbers and symbols in the problem she was working on. It was very neatly written and almost exactly how she lined it up. What in the super baby… Raven thought to herself. 

“You are a brilliant little man! Do you like Professor Raven’s class?” Raven cooed. Kam’s brow furrowed before speaking.

“Raven!” he shouted and a loud thud of books crashed to the floor. The Latina looked back to Octavia whose face was frozen on her son, mouth slack.

After class, the brunette waited until the class was empty to approach Raven and her still babbling son. Kam peeked up at his mother and turned his head back into the professor’s chest. Octavia still looked bewildered at the whole situation.

 

“I’m sorry about disrupting your class,” Octavia whispered finally getting her son in her arms. Raven only smiled at the child and shook her head.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I will never let being a parent hinder your education, Octavia.” She said seriously. “You have a beautiful son, and he is extremely bright... just like his mother.” The junior blushed and Raven thought that it was a beautiful sight on her face. 

 

“Thanks.You know, besides mama…you are his first word.”

“Raven!” Kam gurgled again and the Latina was stunned and very flattered by this. Before she could even respond there were warm lips pressed against her cheek. Raven’s brain short circuited; not even the millions of lines that action just crossed, couldn’t be processed at the moment. By the time the Latina’s mind returned to the present, Octavia was halfway out of the class room.

 

“Have a good weekend, Professor Reyes.” She called over her shoulder.

*********************  
“I don’t know Anya, Raven has been sitting here with this goofy grin carving into watermelons since I have been home.” Luna spoke through the phone. The Latina could hear her best friend talking but refused to acknowledge her at the moment. She was not done with her masterpiece yet. The wild haired girl stood over her shoulder trying to determine what exactly she was creating. Raven counted down from three in her head.

“I will call you back babe.” Luna hung up the phone. “Rae…”

“Yes Lu?” Raven replied continuing her project.

“Why are you carving vaginas into those melons?”

Raven paused and turned to her best friend with the same smile plastered on her face and Luna looked afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What shall i name our carved fruit? The most witty wins😄


	27. Smiles and the Name Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna gets her questions answered. Raven is happy. Clarke like to embarrass people. Names for the unique watermelon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is hard at the beginning but I promise that its light and funny towards the end... i did update the tags.
> 
> S/n: I still would like you all the name the melon if you wish. The ones who makes me spit out my drink, will be featured in the chapter that the watermelon makes another appearance. Enjoy and Comment if you want on my attempt at humor

Luna stared at Raven and the goofy grin plastered on her face. She had only seen her smile like that when she was with Shaw. He passed away their junior year of college while he was following Raven and the red head home in a bad thunderstorm. A transformer was struck by lightning and the post fell onto his car; it caught fire and he had no choice but to try to get as far away as he could but a live wire…Luna tried not to shake her head at the thought. Shaw fought to stay alive once Raven, but with his last breath, he kissed his girlfriend’s wrists and died in her arms. That was a special kind of kiss that the man would always do when he greeted her and said goodbye.

 

It was so hard for Luna to see Raven cave in on herself after he was gone. She had never been the same ever since. The Latina slept around a lot and would be so reclusive when she would get back in the mornings. Luna would just go into the bedroom and wait until she would get out of the shower and just hold her until she cried herself to sleep. The red head never had the heart to tell her that she saw pregnancy test in the trash.

 

When Clarke came into their lives, even with all her baggage, became the glue that they needed to hold their lives together. Luna could slowly see Raven come to herself when the blonde was around. The DJ didn’t take her shit but would switch to the biggest softy when needed. Clarke was so wise and collected and she was the youngest one in the house by seven years.

 

Luna focused back on Raven who was now turned back to her vagina carvings. They were actually quite good except for…

 

“Not to judge your artistry here, but aren’t your melons’…” Luna cleared her throat before continuing, “genitals a bit ran through?” there was a gaping hole at the entrance. Raven snorted before a full blown laugh erupted from her chest. This was so weird to hear her laugh but it was so refreshing at the same time. It has been a month since she heard that laugh and Luna thanked the skies for whoever came into the brunette’s life to make her feel like this.

“My melons’ are virgins fuck you very much,” Raven spoke wiping the tears from her eyes. “The hole is for a shot glass.”

 

Luna felt her face go completely blank and before her friend could give a snarky remark, a sweaty, half-dressed, Anya and Clarke entered from the side door that led into the kitchen. They went together to hike Kennesaw mountain trail. She lost her train of thought when she focused on her girlfriend. They hadn’t had sex since that time Raven caught them and Luna was about to go insane. Of course there had been some heavy petting, but now it wasn’t enough but Anya had insisted they slow things down until they dated for a while. The red head agreed but she didn’t think it would be month without being touched by her. Don’t get her wrong, she loved every single moment of their time together, but she was beyond ready. Anya was too, she knew because she heard moaning in the shower on several occasions when she stayed over.  


The surgeon looked at the dirty blonde’s body with her purple Nike sports bra and gym shorts. Anya’s hard wall of sweaty abs made her clench down south and flood her panties. The way the woman was looking at her was not helping either. Luna swallowed hard as she was devoured by those brown orbs and she was afraid if she moved, the seam of her high wasted jeans would not be nice to her clit right now. She could barely register someone poking her cheek

 

“You won’t come on yourself if you quit staring Lu,” Clarke teased, continuing to poke her cheek. 

 

“How are you my friend again?” Luna growled and slapped her hand away. Anya seemed to regain focus before blushing and her eyes shifted to the fruit on the table.

 

“Have you already addressed the Melonpussus on the table or….” The dirty blonde started before Raven howled and banged her fist on the table. Luna noticed that Clarke looked confused and she pointed to the table. The blonde cackled as she turned her aid on.

 

“Why are you carving watergina’s?” Clarke asked and tilted her head. “They seem to have a bit of mileage on them…why are the holes so big?”

 

Raven was grasping her ribs now curling over in her seat. Luna lived with children, but she couldn’t help but laugh with the three of them.

 

“They are for a new game I made up for the house party tomorrow, you ass.” Raven finally spoke after a few deep breaths. “I really felt like we needed a break from all the bullshit you know?” 

 

Luna lifted her eyebrow. This was news to her. She looked over to Clarke who looked equally guilty. Anya only shrugged her shoulders when she got a look, but didn’t give anything away. The surgeon wasn’t mad because she was off for the next four days off, but the house wasn’t even unpacked completely yet. She wanted to get her room finished. Meh, it was time to unwind, but she still had a hard time factoring the melons into the equation.  
Luna watched as Raven put a shot glass filled with tequila into the entrance of the melon. It fit into the hole loosely until the Latina plugged the shot glass with a perfectly measured cork shaped pineapple chunk

 

“The object of the game is: The receiver has to sit on the edge of the seat and hold the watermelon with only their legs while the giver gets the pineapple plug out to the shot behind it only using their tongue,” Raven explained, “Neither party can touch the fruit or you are disqualified. The only thing that the receiver can grab is the chair and the giver has to keep their hands behind their back. If the melon hits the floor, you lose. If there are teeth marks on the pineapple, you lose. The person that takes the shot and shows us the fruit with no bite marks, wins.”

 

Raven smiled and leaned her face closer to the prepared watermelon. “I can demonstrate if you want…”

 

“Why not,” Clarke spoke coolly, looking intrigued by the aspect of the game.

 

“No! Jesus, Rae!” Luna shouted at the same time as the blonde, palming the Latina’s face and snatching it back when she felt her slimy tongue licking her hand.

 

“Has anyone told you that you are a whole nother level of freak?” Anya spoke and the red head nodded.

 

“Yup, Clarke has…plenty of times.” Raven clapped back, and Luna watched a flash of something cross her girlfriend’s face. It was gone before she could dwell on it, and it was no secret that Clarke and Raven used to be intimate. The engineer could never be a star in a silent movie and Luna had a stuck in earplugs. 

 

“TMI Raven,” Anya spoke, “Clever, but gross.”

 

"Don't tell me you take and don't eat, Ahn," Clarke joked, and the dirty blonde looked ready to strangle her. 

 

"This isn't communion, Clarke." Luna gritted out, rubbing Anya's arms gently. God, these muscles feel nice, the red head was starting to overheat.

 

"Creative Reyes, well done." the blonde continued

 

Raven bowed at absent applause and Luna resisted rolling her eyes. She had other thoughts on her mind about using this game to her advantage make Anya slam her on the bed a ravage her. She didn’t have time to think too far ahead before Raven spoke again.

 

“By the way, the name of the fruit should be Watercunt.”

 

“OH MY GOD!”


	28. Don't Make Me Say it Again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down...so...yea...

It was now Friday and today made it two weeks since Lexa and Costia had an actual conversation. The brunette was beyond frustrated because every time they spoke it ended in an argument. Her fiancé seemed to be more irritated and snappy with each passing skype chat. The honey brown eyes that Lexa used to enjoy looking into were always red, Costia never smiled anymore, and she could never stay focused on the camera. Lexa had never seen someone who was so loving and driven, turn into this stranger who stared right through her and not in a good way.

 

Lexa decided to just work some hours in her bookstore and give the staff a day off. It was always slow on Fridays so she could manage the day by herself. She started stocking inventory while keeping an ear out for the door. Her mind began to wonder to Clarke and how the blonde had respected her wishes after that moment in the living room last week. They now texted often and met for lunch once. The flow was easy between them when they were at rehearsals, Clarke only giving feedback during practice when absolutely necessary. She and Lexa would tweak things after practice when it was just the two of them and the brunette loved to hear her thoughts on her music. She was learning how to feel the recordings like Clarke did. She made an extra pair of gloves for Lexa in her free time so she could practice. The Brunette wore them while she conducted at the past two reversals; the way Clarke would stare at her with pure admiration, made Lexa feel warm all over. The sexual tension between them had only slightly improved; the brunette blamed it on not having sex for almost two months.

 

Lexa and Costia had a very healthy sex life before she left the country and they only had phone sex once since she had been in London. The chocolate skinned woman was always so attentive to her needs and was never rough with Lexa even when she sometimes craved it. She never worked up the nerve to ask for it either so it was mostly from her lack of trying. Lexa couldn’t stop thinking about what happened in Clarke’s living room Lexa thought about how good it felt to have Clarke’s hands around her throat with that gentle pressure and her core clenched. She bit back a moan even though there was no one in the store. 

 

There were several moments when they worked together after rehearsal that were making it hard to focus. She could feel the blue eyes burning into her skin, and the brunette hadn’t been idle in her staring either. Lexa would look over and focus on those lips or idle on the blonde’s figure while she was bent over fiddling with her device. Clarke kept her distance unless she adjusted Lexa’s equipment and even that brief touch was electric.

 

A slam from the back door made Lexa yelp; only Aden and Costia had a spare key. The both knew not to slam the door because it was really heavy. Her fiancée was still in London and Aden had been silent for weeks. Lexa hoped it was the teenager, she missed him. The brunette slowly made her way to the back and when she rounded the corner, the air that she expelled came out as a gasp. She quickly schooled her features before addressing the woman in front of her.

 

“You can go right back out that door after you give me Aden’s key. You are not welcome here.” Lexa spoke through clenched teeth. Abby only looked and smiled. It only showed overly sweetened venom and it made the bite the inside of her cheek to hide her dis-ease. When they were growing up, Clarke had always made sure that Lexa and her mother’s interactions were minimal after she moved in with Jake. When Aden got old enough, Abby let him do as he pleased and he never had any issues with being mistreated. The handful of times they did meet after Clarke left, the woman had been eerily sweet on her and it was sickening. Lexa learned to avoid her as much as possible.

 

“I had no idea Aden had one, dear. He is so secretive, that boy.” Abby approached her with sure strides and the brunette held her ground. “This is your darling Costia’s key.”

 

“What are you talking about? She is in London.” Lexa spoke surely. Abby was trying to fuck with her, Aden hardly talked to his mother about them or at least that’s what he said. 

 

“I assure you she is here in town and has been for week now with me and Cage, my sweet Lexa.” The woman laughed and stepped into Lexa’s personal space. She placed a cold hand up the brunette’s face and this time, Lexa did take a step back. She slapped the woman’s hand away. 

 

“What the fuck? Don’t touch me.” Lexa spat. “I don’t believe you.”

 

Abby looked mildly annoyed but her hand down to her side to reach in her pocket for her phone. She fiddled with it for a moment before sounds filled the room. Lexa felt her heart drop into her chest when a familiar moan filled the air. No, no, no…. Abby turned the screen to face her and the brunette felt the bile rise in her throat. Her fiancée was on her knees between Cage’s legs. Lexa felt numb; she couldn’t deny the proof but she couldn’t believe it.

 

“They both love to be recorded-” Abby started, turning her phone back and cocking her head at the video. She licked her lips and Lexa snapped back to reality and clenched her jaw.

 

“Get out,” The pianist whispered. Abby ignored her.

 

“She was willing to share you...”

 

“LEAVE!” Lexa balled up her fists.

 

“The things she would do with her mouth for-” Abby didn’t get to finish before Lexa punched her square in the mouth. 

 

“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!”

 

The woman held her mouth, shock written in her eyes before they glazed over in anger.

 

“You will regret that…” She mumbled through her mouth as she turned to face her as she opened the back door. Abby quickly slammed the door before a hard back book crashed against it. Lexa threw everything in reach at the door before she collapsed to her knees, all the feelings she had for Costia engulfed in an internal rage as she sobbed on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't y'all just Love Abby?


	29. Can you Just Hold Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke stops by Lexa's bookstore. A subtle shift in their relationship...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot of dialogue in this one either but there is a lot said, if that makes sense

Clarke exhaled smoothly as she jogged down the sidewalk. It was later on in the evening so the streets were beginning to buzz with the early Friday night crowd. Some were dressed to gout out to dinner and a few were ready to get ready to go clubbing. She would usually be getting ready for work but the blonde decided to take the weekend off. Clarke had been going nonstop since she moved here and a mental break was much needed. She only found herself restless so she decided to go for another run since it was much cooler. Luna and Anya ran off to the grocery store and Raven still had that goofy ass grin plastered to her face, carving those silly Vagimelons. The name stuck after Luna made a swear jar for the use of the word cunt. The Latina didn’t even argue as she put a twenty in the jar. 

 

Clarke looked on surprised because Raven’s mantra was to make a pop off now and think about apologizing later. The blonde never seen her so happy and it was a refreshing sight to see. She had not peeled back all of Raven’s layers yet. They were extremely close, but there were a lot of situations in their pasts that were triggers if questions went beyond surface level. Clarke respected that and so did Raven. Luna, on the other hand, was an open book. She would tell you just about anything she was feeling unless it was about her ex; then she was a steel trap. The Latina wouldn’t give up any details either. The blonde knew it was something she would probably lose her temper over anyway, so she had no choice but to let it go.

 

Vibration from her Fitbit caused Clarke to slow her run to a brisk walk as she glanced down at it. It was now seven forty-five, and she realized that she had been running for over two hours. The blonde huffed before pulling her running pack off her shoulders. She grabbed her towel and her cell to text Raven to come and get her if she could. Clarke glanced around to see where she was and her eyes stopped on a familiar street sign. She smiled and shook her head. Lexa’s bookstore was on this street and the blonde had run here subconsciously. Why not go see how she is doing since she was in the area? Lexa texted her saying that she would be there and the store closed at nine. The young DJ hadn’t seen it yet but read some really good reviews online.

 

Clarke walked down a few shops until she made it into the bookstore. She felt the bells of the door clank against her fingers. The blonde waited for a moment until Lexa rounded the corner and the smile she had when she walked in the building fell right off her face. The pianist looked like she had been crying and had been trying to hide it, but Clarke knew better. Her best friend only cried when she was deeply hurt by something

 

-What happened- she signed, approaching slowly. Lexa only shook her head making her face as unreadable as possible.

 

-Go somewhere with me- The brunette motioned back and Clarke eyed the swelling forming on her hand. She cautiously took another step forward and she felt a hand pressed against her stomach. The DJ paused only for a moment before taking Lexa’s hand into her own and lifting it slowly into her vision. She could feel her blood starting to boil when she saw the redness in those same knuckles of the hand she injured in the accident. The old scars from past surgeries and stitched wounds were now inflamed and swollen. 

 

Clarke looked down into Lexa’s eyes that were fighting to hide the pain. The blonde scanned the rest of her body and nothing else on her looked injured, and she sighed in slight relief. She wanted to get to the bottom of this. Clarke used her free hand and placed it on Lexa’s face; the brunette turned into it, eyes fluttering shut as a single tear escaped. She used her thumb to wipe it away.

 

-Can we go- Lexa signaled swallowing hard against Clarke’s palm. The blonde had so many questions but only nodded as the brunette closed up her shop. 

 

Clarke looked over at Lexa while they were sitting at a red light. The brunette hadn’t tried to communicate with the blonde since she handed over the car keys. She just looked out the window as she cried to herself in the passenger seat. Clarke had no idea where Lexa wanted to go but she knew she had to get some ice on that swelling hand. The pianist had been lifting it over her head to ease the throbbing. The blonde couldn’t take her back to her place because her roommates would have questions and Anya would go Rambo about her little sister. Clarke was riding that line of anger herself and had been tempted to pull the car over to demand answers. It really would be much easier to communicate in the car had she not left her aid at home. She had no choice but to take Lexa back to her house since she didn’t know where the woman lived

 

When Clarke pulled into the driveway she saw that Luna’s car was gone and so was Anya’s, so the blonde shot a text to Raven to let her know that she was coming in and not to ask too many questions. The Latina sent back a thumbs up emoji and soon after, the living room light was reduced to a dim glow from the lamp in that sat in the corner. The meant she was retiring to her room for the night.

 

Clarke exited Lexa’s car, approached the passenger seat and gently opened the door. The brunette turned her body slowly to look at her, eyes glistening with tears in the moonlight. Without speaking, the DJ cupped Lexa’s face in her hands and swiped the trails of moisture from her cheeks. The pianist reached up and wrapped her arms around  
Clarke’s wrists but made no motion to move them away from her face for a long moment. This was what was so unique about them; these silent exchanges were all the communication they needed.

 

After a trip to the kitchen for a bag of ice, the two women went straight to Clarke’s room. The blonde sat Lexa down on her bed and put the ice on her hand. The brunette hissed but didn’t fight her and gazed up into her eyes. Clarke didn’t want to leave her side, but she needed a shower.

 

“I’m going to shower Lex, and then I will take the ice off okay?” Clarke spoke and Lexa nodded stiffly.

 

She went to the bathroom and started the shower after she got a sports bra and boxers out of the drawer. The DJ leaned her body under the hot stream and squeezed her eyes shut. She had been holding in her anger since the saw the first tear fall from Lexa’s eyes. Who would make her friend so upset that she would punch something? Was someone there and she had to defend herself? Clarke needed answers but she knew she wouldn’t get any answers from Lexa if she pushed too hard. Living with Raven and Luna taught her a valuable lesson about not trying to pry even if it pissed her off.

 

When she came out of the bathroom, Clarke noticed Lexa was now lying back on her pillow. She had not taken off the ice, surprisingly, and she was looking blankly at the ceiling. The pianist did shift to look at the blonde when she approached to remove the ice. The swelling had eased slightly and some of the redness improved. Clarke would take the ice back into the kitchen when she went to go sleep on the couch for the night. Lexa kept her eyes on her and the DJ looked her over before stepping back a little.

 

-Are you hungry-

 

Lexa shook her head and Clarke fought off another sigh before going to find her friend a change of clothes. She turned away from her to check her dresser and a few seconds later warm arms wrapped around her waist. Clarke stiffened for a moment at the touch, feeling Lexa’s hands gently stroke her abs. The blonde tried to turn in her hold, but the pianist held on tighter.

 

“Lex…” Clarke whispered. “I wish you would tell me what’s wrong.”

 

She felt Lexa shake her head against her back.

 

“Will you let me look at you?” The brunette loosened her grip and Clarke turned in her arms to look down. Her hear felt like it was breaking when she took Lexa’s face into her hands again. Her eyes were no longer wet with tears, but they looked sad and exhausted. “Wha-,”

 

“Can you just hold me?” Lexa mouthed and Clarke hesitated before nodded slowly. The need to take care of her best friend was higher on her list than wanting to pry what happened out of her.

 

Clarke got in bed while Lexa showered and got dressed in her night clothes. When the brunette exited the bathroom she looked more like herself. Her eyes were back to a calmer shade of green but she still seemed mentally drained. The blonde held open the covers and Lexa slipped between them, scooting her small frame completely into Clarke’s.  
Aside from the unknown reason as to why Lexa was in Clarke’s bed, everything felt so right to have her best friend in her arms. She pressed two soft kisses into Lexa’s shoulders before wrapping a protective arm around her waist. Clarke felt her hum softy in appreciation before the brunette took the arm that encircled her waist and place her hand to her lips. The blonde could feel the warmth of Lexa’s breath tickling her fingertips and she had to struggle to make out what the pianist was saying.

 

“I couldn't bear it if you hurt me again…”

 

Clarke only pulled Lexa in closer and held her tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you wish, please leave feedback ant let know if you felt they communicated well in the chapter. Thank you all for reading!


	30. Dancing in the Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa wakes up and explores some things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Mistakes are mine...too tired..fix later.
> 
>  
> 
> S/N: Let's turn up the heat shall we???

Lexa stirred when she felt the bed shift behind her. Her eyes felt heavy and swollen from the crying yesterday and her bruised hand throbbed slightly but nothing she couldn’t manage. She kept her eyes closed and inhaled deeply, letting Clarke’s surrounding scent envelop her; sooth her. Lexa didn’t know why she couldn’t bring herself to tell the blonde about what Abby showed her. It would probably be the last straw for Clarke, and she dreaded the thought of her best friend getting in trouble for losing her temper. Pound after pound or pressure had already been placed on the DJ’s shoulders and Lexa couldn’t handle adding to that. Telling Anya would be just as bad, if not worse, and she knew for a fact that the two of them together would be something else entirely. The two women are extremely protective and wouldn’t let Lexa out of her sight if she told them. She can handle Costia and Abby on her own that’s what she was going to do.

 

A soft snore pulled Lexa from her thoughts. She turned slowly to see Clarke lying flat on her back partially uncovered, mouth slightly ajar; her face flushed because she fell asleep with her t-shirt and shorts on. Lexa couldn’t help but smile at her. Some things never change, the blonde always ran hot no matter the season. The brunette watched as the moonlight filtered into the room from the bedroom window and onto Clarke’s pale skin and she can see it glistening with sweat. Lexa glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. It was 4 a.m. and she knew that her best friend is not sleeping well if she was hot like that. 

 

Lexa shook her head before pulling the rest of the blankets off of Clarke’s overheating body. The blonde’s brow furrowed for a moment before she sat up, pulling her shirt off exposing her bare upper body and flopping back onto the bed, still dead to the world. The brunette gasped as she glued her eyes on the sight before her. The full breasts with pink nipples that were starting to harden with the cool air hitting them, toned abs that rose and fell gently with each breath made Lexa blush and feel a bit guilty to be staring. Clarke’s golden locks were splayed all over the pillow, her face now completely relaxed now that she shed the offending garment. She was so beautiful and before Lexa could stop herself, she was reaching out with her uninjured hand to touch her. Her fingertips started from her hairline and slowly moved down her face to caress the blonde’s cheek. Clarke’s mouth slowly parted as the brunette bushed her thumb across her lips; her breath tickling its pad. 

 

Taking a shuddering breath, Lexa avoided her breasts and resumed her touch at Clarke’s diaphragm, tracing the bumps of each ab down to the line of her shorts. The blonde’s abdomen started to twitch involuntarily by the pianists touch. Lexa knew that she should stop, but she found herself addicted to caressing the bare skin before her. Goosebumps were starting to appear on Clarke’s body, the hair follicles bumpy to her touch and the Lexa bit her lip as she started her journey back up. A warm hand gripped her wrist, and before she could blink, she was on her back with darkened azure eyes peering into her own.

 

Lexa felt Clarke’s body on top of hers with one leg tangled between her own. She felt the warmth of her friend’s bare torso burning though her sleep shirt. She could smell the lingering scent of the blonde’s body wash and shampoo and it was making her feel dizzy. Clarke was looking her over held up on one arm, concern and arousal evident in her features.

 

“You are not making this easy Lex,” Clarke warned, her eyes focusing on her mouth, using the light from outside to try and read Lexa’s lips. 

 

“Says the one on top me with no shirt on.” The brunette shot back, speaking softly to add some vibration to help the blonde understand her. Clarke’s eyes narrowed, but she made no move to get off of her. She only took her free hand and wrapped it gently around Lexa’s throat making the pianist’s eyes flutter shut. Why does it feel so good when she does that to her. She knows that Clarke is only trying to communicate with her but she can’t fight how it sends shocks down her spine where they settled; pulsing steadily at her pelvic bone and Clarke’s thigh between her legs was not helping things either. Lexa licked her lips before taking the bottom one between her teeth.

 

“Stop that…” Clarke hissed.

 

“Stop what, Clarke?” 

 

“Being hot and cold with me,” the blonde spoke and Lexa froze. “I find you crying your eyes out and you won’t tell me why. Now you are making me want you when I shouldn’t by being… well, you. It’s hard to keep up with.” 

 

Lexa had it on the tip of her tongue to say that she did the same to her a while back, but that was petty, so she opted for the partial truth.

 

“I saw something that upset me…” Lexa spoke and Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

“Clearly…”

 

“Costia is cheating on me and I don’t want to talk about it,” The brunette started and she felt more anger about Abby getting in her face than her own fiancée being unfaithful. It did hurt, a lot, because Costia was the first and only person she had ever given her body to and one of the main people to help pull the pieces of her heart back together. Lexa knew she was guilty of the act herself; no, she didn’t physically have sex but mentally her thoughts constantly stayed focused on the woman on top of her. There were nights since Clarke came back, the brunette found herself crying out her name in the bed that she and her fiancée shared with two fingers inside herself and another hand squeezing around her throat. She would come so hard sometimes that she would wake up the next morning with her hand still in her panties. Some days Lexa felt regret and on days when Costia was being an ass; she couldn’t find it in her to care. Her fiancée had turned into someone so dark and hateful and the brunette didn’t like that one bit. When Abby showed her that video, Lexa’s feelings for the woman she yes to faded away like she never had any for her.

 

That was one thing that she could never completely do with Clarke. Lexa really tried to cut all feelings off but the blonde came back here and all the emotions she tried to ignore seeped easily back into her pores. It was scary how deeply Clarke was woven into her mind and heart. She was serious when she said that she couldn’t stomach the blonde disappearing like she did six years ago. It almost broke her and it honestly took her coming back for her to feel completely whole again. Lexa was beyond pissed, but through all the arguing, the tears, and comfort, it felt so good to have Clarke home. To have her scent envelop her when the DJ was near, how her touch could both make her body set alight and make her feel safe at the time. The pianist missed that; so much. 

 

Clarke’s eyes blazed as she sat back on her heels running a hand through her hair. Her breasts were swaying slightly with the motion. Lexa swallowed hard trying to keep her eyes focused on Clarke’s face. The blonde looked down briefly at her bare chest before motioning to get off of the bed. She didn’t say a word as she walked away from Lexa to her dresser and pulled on a sports bra. The brunette kept her eyes focused on her back, seeing the pink jagged scars trailing down from the top of her shoulders down to her mid back, just below her bra line. She saw the muscles flexing in her torso as Clarke closed the drawer roughly. 

 

Lexa jumped slightly at the action before she got up and slowly approached her best friend. Clarke was gripping the drawer tightly in her hands still facing away from her. The pianist gingerly reached up and touched one of the deeper scars on the blonde’s back. Clarke stiffened at the touch but did not move away as Lexa slowly moved her fingers down her marred skin. She had no idea how the blonde managed to flip them to take the brunt of the fall, most of the accident was still hazy to this day. Lexa’s focus shifted to the hairs rising once again along Clarke’s back and when she looked up those blue eyes were burning into hers in the mirror in front of her. The room had brightened tremendously, the sun about to begin its trek back to the other side of the world so now the brunette could clearly see the restraint written all over Clarke’s reflection in the glass.

 

“Lex…” Clarke pleaded, gripping the wood tighter in her palms. Lexa didn’t take her eyes off of the now laser blue hue ones in the mirror as she continued tracing the scar, now in an upward motion. The blonde shuddered at the touch before shutting her eyes tightly. Lexa felt it when Clarke’s resolve snapped and moment later she was back on the bed, arms pinned above her head with the DJ’s strong body back between her legs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :-)


	31. Lose Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke loses it for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't leave y'all hanging like that...or can I?

As the DJ put on her sports bra, she tried to process the influx of thoughts running through her mind right now. She hated that Lexa was going through the pain of being cheated on but she was happy that Costia fucked up. As selfish as that sounded, Clarke wanted her chance to be whatever the brunette needed to be. She was so lost in her thoughts, that she didn't feel Lexa coming up behind her. As soon as she felt her best friend's touch on her back, her whole body felt like it was being touched by that one finger caressing her skin. Clarke was very protective of her back but Lexa could always do things that the blonde wouldn't allow others to do. She gripped onto the wood trying to keep herself grounded, but she was failing terribly. That touch was very distracting; she felt herself slipping.

"Lex..." Clarke tried to warn Lexa but it felt like it came out as a plea. She clutched the dresser tighter and looked up to see a deep green focusing on her. Something just snapped in her self-control after seeing the way Lexa was looking at her in the mirror. Those bold as fingers of her stroking down her back, green eyes darkened with desire. The blonde quickly turned, hoisted Lexa up by the back of her thighs, and deposited her back onto the unmade bed. The DJ pinned the brunette’s arms above her head with one arm as she settled her stomach firmly on the woman’s core. Clarke felt herself sigh at the heat that was coming through Lexa’s sleep shorts. The blonde held herself up on one forearm and looked into the dark green eyes peering deeply into her own.

 

Lexa’s lashes were lowered and she was biting down on her lower lip harshly, and Clarke had enough of wondering what they tasted like. She leaned forward slowly and licked the brunette’s top lip with the tip of her tongue. The shorter woman’s hips ground up into Clarke’s abdomen and thighs clenched tightly around the blonde’s waist. When Lexa opened her mouth to moan, the DJ used that moment to suck the abused bottom lip between her own and suck it gently into her mouth; soothing the bite marks with her tongue. Clarke moaned at the taste of Lexa finally on her lips. She felt legs starting to tremble at her sides as she pressed harder into the woman beneath her. Vibrations rumbled from the brunette’s chest and what the blonde would give to hear what she sounded like. She could feel her own core throbbing and her heart pounding in her chest.

Lexa's body fit against her perfectly; the curve of her body melting into her own. Clarke couldn't help but to roll her body with the rhythm of the pianist's hips rolling up into her.  
She went to pull away to move the her neck but Lexa lifted her head to finally seal their lips in a kiss and the blonde felt her whole world shift to the woman below her. She never knew that a kiss could make her feel like this. Her mind was focused only on Lexa and how well her mouth felt against her own. Clarke felt the pianist straining to free her hands and once she loosened her grip; slender fingers tangled into her blonde locks to pull her closer. She felt her abs getting slick with Lexa’s arousal and almost instantly she sobered up. No this can’t happen, not like this. The DJ moved her mouth to the brunette’s ear.

“I want you so fucking bad right now,” Clarke whispered and she felt Lexa’s back arch and the breath of a moan caress her ear. “But the first time I want to ever make you come for me is while I make love to you. I care for you too much just to fuck you right now.”

 

The blonde sat up to take in the sight before her; the once lowered lashes were wide and her eyes alert. She only nodded slightly. Apparently, she lost control too and her flushed face turned an even deeper shade of red. Clarke cupped Lexa’s face in her hands as she tried to turn away and planted a soft kiss to her swollen mouth that was returned just as gently. God, the blonde was already addicted to those sweet lips, but she didn’t want it to go down like this. Clarke wanted Lexa to get to know and trust her again; not take advantage of the situation. It shouldn’t have gotten this far, but the pull she had for Lexa was too strong. If she hadn’t stopped it when she did, they would have done something that they were not ready for. She knew that pianist was had a lot on her mind to process and deflecting was not going to solve anything. Lexa was mouthing something that she couldn't quite interpret so Clarke placed her free hand to Lexa's throat and pressed in gently with her thumb The brunette's eyes rolled back, her hips bucking up again involuntarily, as she felt a groan vibrate against her hand. Fuck, she likes this. Clarke needed to move now or she would never let the woman leave her bed for the rest of the day.

The blonde kissed her lips quickly one last time and hopped out of the bed to get dressed; hating that she had to leave Lexa’s warmth. The air cooled the moisture on her stomach and Clarke fought with everything in her not to get on her knees take the pianist into her mouth until she begged her to stop. Patience, the blonde told herself. Everything will fall how they are supposed to.

 

It was like the Universe was on their side because right as Lexa went in the bathroom, Clarke’s bedroom door swung open and slammed against the wall. Anya stormed in; eyes blazing as she searched the room. Luna and Raven were right behind her after possibly trying and failing to calm her down. The blonde quickly put in her aid and turned it on as the dirty blonde turned to face her.

 

“Where the fuck is my sister?” She asked through gritted teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry....sort of. Feel free to yell


	32. Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya flips out and Lexa is not having it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one gets a bit bumpy

Lexa leaned against the bathroom door as soon as she closed it behind her. Every nerve ending on her body was alight while she thought about Clarke’s lips caressing hers. Strong abs was pushing firmly onto her clit; the brunette could feel her arousal seeping through the boxers she borrowed. Every semblance of control Lexa had left dissipated since Clarke placed her on the bed. She felt like she was going to come when the blonde pressed gently into her throat. A loud bang could be heard just outside of the bathroom door.

 

“Where the fuck is my sister?” She heard Anya speak and Lexa felt all the blood drain from her face.

 

“There is this thing called knocking,” Clarke shot back sharply, “You want to try that again?” Shit, shit, shit! This was not good. Her sister and the DJ never had a great relationship, but they did manage to keep contact for the past six years. She still hadn’t gotten a full explanation for that from Anya yet. Lexa could feel her once aroused state fade completely as she quickly opened the door. Her sister eyed her sharply before turning her attention back to Clarke.

 

“I’ll pass,” the dirty blonde spoke evenly. Clarke had her shoulders relaxed her hands were open at her sides but her jaw was clenched. That meant that she was annoyed but calm even though she had every right to be upset with how Anya swung her door open. “You know that she is engaged and yet you still are trying to get in her pants.”

 

“Stop it, Anya!” 

 

“Anya!” Luna and Lexa both spoke at the same time. Raven was standing off to the side; watching the scene irritation clearly written on her face. Clarke held up her hand.

 

“Let her speak, she clearly has something to say about a subject she knows jackshit about.” The blonde spoke; now standing at full height, blue eyes blazing with anger. Lexa knew that this was about to get ugly, fast, and she needed to step in.

 

“Clarke... don’t.” The pianist placed a hand on the DJ’s back rubbing in small circles and she felt her relax into the touch. She saw Raven’s and Luna’s eyes widen as she did so.  
“Ahn, that’s enough.” She looked at her sister who was not ready to hold her tongue in the slightest. 

 

“You aren’t excluded Lexa, Costia has done so much for you and you do this?” Anya growled and Lexa gripped tightly at Clarke’s shirt. She felt the venom rising in her throat before it bit sharply at her tongue. Her sister had some nerve to even open her mouth.

 

“What she did for me? How about to me? You know nothing, Anya.” Lexa spat. “For two months… I had to endure Costia turning from the woman I cared for deeply to this monster I don’t recognize. I had to watch her sucking Ca- Some man’s dick on FUCKING CAMERA adding the cherry on top of my shitty day.” She was now in Anya’s personal space. Her temper had reached its boiling point. The brunette was now shouting up into her sister’s face and it made her even more upset that the dirty blonde’s face was now unreadable. God, she hated that shit. 

 

“Don’t you dare sit here and judge me when you don’t know what it feels like to thinking you know someone only for turn out to be a person you don’t know at all. You don’t even have the courage to introduce me or Mom to the first person you have ever opened your heart to? Don’t I deserve to know that as your sister? ” Anya’s face completely fell at that. The pianist glanced over at Luna and gave her a soft smile to say no hard feelings towards her.

 

“Lexa-I…”

 

“Don’t. I can’t with you right now Ahn.” Lexa cut her off; voice much softer, “Mind your own damn business like you’ve been doing for past month and a half.” The brunette turned to face Clarke who was still eyeing Anya darkly. She put her hand on the DJ’s arm making the stormy blue focus back on her “Can you go with me to get my stuff?”  
The blonde nodded her head before nodding her head towards the other three occupants in the room; giving then the que to leave. Lexa went back into the bathroom to get ready. She would eventually forgive Anya, but not today.  


Clarke hadn’t spoken at all since they left her house; she only held her hand over the armrest, with her thumb gently stroking the top. The brunette found it very soothing and made no motion to let go until they pulled into Costia’s apartment complex in Atlantic Station. Lexa’s could no longer call it theirs after all this mess went down and she definitely didn’t want to stay another night there. She just needed to get her clothes and musical scores and would get the rest later. Lexa felt Clarke keeping stride right behind her as the climbed the stairs to the third floor. The pianist could feel her stomach starting to churn as she fit the key into the lock.

 

Now that she was physically in the presence of what she and Costia built together, it made it hurt so much more. There were pictures of them together all over the wall when the visited various places in and out of state. Everything reminded her of the woman down to the burn in the carpet in front of the fire place when stray marshmallow fell off Costia’s skewer. Lexa felt the sting of tears behind her eyelids. She felt strong arms wrap around her waist and she turned into Clarke’s embrace, buried her face into her chest but refused to let herself cry.

 

“Do we need to go?” Clarke whispered and Lexa shook her head. As much as she really wanted to walk out of the door and leave all this shit behind; she was only going to prolong the inevitable. Lexa waited a few moments just taking in the DJ’s calming scent before pulling away.

 

-Wait outside for me. I need a moment. I won’t be long- Lexa signed Clarke hesitated for a moment before exiting the apartment. As soon as she stepped into the master bedroom, the brunette knew that someone had been in here. The pianist made the bed with no lumps in it before she left for work yesterday and there was a handwritten note on the pillow.

 

Lexa walked cautiously to the bed and picked up the note and knew by the handwriting that it wasn’t Costia’s. it Read:

Darling Lexa,

 

You think that Clarke won’t hurt you too? Don’t you know that she fucks those two girls that she lives with on the regular? I do think she is particularly fond of Raven though. Anyways, You have a nice soft bed here shame I had to defile it. Costia was a bit insatiable last night.

 

This is only the beginning ;-)

 

Lexa swallowed hard before pulling the covers back. If she didn’t feel sick before; she did now. There were several used condoms scattered across the sheets some of the fluids were spilling out onto the mattress.. The brunette turned and the contents that were in her stomach splattered across the hardwood floor.


	33. Good Cop Bad Cop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya gets chewed TF out by our girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he he. if you just tuned in today go back one chapter. posted 32 this morning

Luna was furious. She never seen or heard Anya act like that and she didn’t like it one bit. The dirty blonde had always been so calm and easy to approach. Clarke told them about how she and Anya never saw eye to eye on almost anything when they were growing up. They shared many bloody noses and busted lips when arguments came to blows. The younger blonde still had some form of appreciation towards her at the same time. Back when Clarke got bullied, Anya always had her back. It was like ‘I am the only one that’s allowed to beat your ass’ mentality. When the DJ had nowhere else to go, she went to Anya, so it was puzzling Luna about her behavior. What was her problem? 

 

As soon as they left Clarke’s room, Luna was dragging Anya by the collar of her shirt into her bedroom. She knew Raven was coming too and didn’t close it behind her. Sure enough, the Latina shut the door harshly behind her. The brunette must have to chewing her own lips off to keep from saying anything and let the redhead handle the situation. The surgeon appreciated the gesture.

 

They argued before, what couple doesn’t? Some of them had gotten downright nasty dealing with the long distance. Both of their commanding schedules with her at the hospital and Anya working for the DEA prevented them from seeing each other. The increase in deaths with Red called for all hands on deck in both of their cities. Luna spent most of the last year of her residency dealing the various stages of addicts on the drug. They both decided not to Skype or do social media just in case they didn’t work out and she had a Raven who would hack her in a heartbeat (which she did, by the way) that she had to deal with. It backfired and the redhead still fell hopelessly in love with her and the no visuals relationship ground rules kind of stuck. 

 

“I didn’t like that shit you pulled, at all.” Luna spoke softly. The usually stoic Anya, had the nerve to look absolutely defeated. There were other things that struck chord when Lexa mentioned their relationship. It has been bugging her for a while but she would talk to her about that later. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

“You never got to see how my little sister’s heart broke piece by piece when she would see Clarke with all of those girls. Lexa would always try and hide it, but I could see that it hurt her.” Anya mumbled and Luna frowned. “The two of them had a bond that was way beyond that of friendship and Clarke is so fucking oblivious. Blondie was so attuned to her that she knew when everything else in the world was wrong with her but not when she was the one causing the pain.”

 

Luna’s eyes widened in realization; So that what this is about.

 

“So you are saying that Clarke’s not good enough?” Raven chimed in harshly, the redhead knew she couldn’t keep her mouth shut

 

“No, I’m saying that I’m not going to let her put her hands on my sister while she is still fucking you!” Anya bristled, trying to keep her voice down. Raven took a step forward; that Reyes attitude now starting to sizzle. Luna lifted her hands and took a step back; she was now officially Switzerland in three, two,….

 

“First the fuck off, you are kinda late to try and throw the cockblock into a cat fight. I’m not the only one who saw how wet Clarke’s stomach was before she put her shirt on. Kudos to her, by the way, for still having that magic after over a year of us ‘NOT FUCKING’ before we moved here. She hasn’t been with anyone else since.” Raven clapped back. 

 

“You…” Anya turned sharply

 

“I’m not finished. Lexa is a big girl and you would have to be the oblivious one to not notice how Clarke had been to her rescue twice since we have been in Atlanta. Where the fuck was your antennas then? Hmm? You want to burst in here trying to be big sister and, Costco, the one you rooted for was using a dick for oral care on camera. Sit the fuck down somewhere with that shit.” Raven folded her arms across her chest and left the room, gently closing the door behind her.

 

“And that is how you close a Fucking door. Acting like you don’t have home training…..” Raven shouted, mumbling expletives down the hall. Anya was absolutely speechless; the brunette did that to people. She was never really one to bite her tongue for long.

 

“You really think that low of Clarke to think that she would ever do that to your sister?” Luna spoke softly. Anya recovered quickly and turned to face the redhead.

 

“I just don’t want Lexa to get hurt.”

 

“And you think Clarke does?” Luna cocked an eyebrow.

 

“No, but...”

 

“That girl would do anything for her, just like you would for your sister. I didn’t like that side of you and I know you aren’t like that. You are going to apologize to your sister and Clarke.”

 

“I’m…”

 

“Fix it, Anya. I’m serious.” Luna spoke softly. She could not deal with people she cared about fighting. That was one thing she hated more than anything. Anya still hadn’t moved and the redhead’s brow furrowed.

 

“Wha-“ Luna started, confused.

 

“I’m sorry,” Anya whispered looking down into Luna’s eyes.

 

“It’s not me who you should…” the surgeon started.

 

“For not formally introducing you to my family as someone I want to have in my life for as long as she’ll have me.”  
Luna felt her face soften and her heart started to pound in her chest. She was fighting back tears as Anya gently took her hand into her own. 

 

“You are it for me Luna and I want to prove that to you.” The dirty blonde placed a kiss to the redhead’s hand before walking to the bedroom door.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

Luna just watched as Anya paused at the door again before walking back, pulling the redhead to her and pressing a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. The surgeon felt herself starting to melt but she held firm as the agent released her. 

 

“Fixing it, right now; starting with Clarke and my sister.” Anya caressed her cheek, “And then I want you to meet my family. Hopefully you can forgive me for taking so long.”

 

“We’ll see.” Luna whispered. Actions speak louder than words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She has some work to do. Was I too hard on her?


	34. Toy's are Not Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven fights the butterflies and gets a surprise. Luna takes full advantage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light at first but a little rocky at the end. This chapter we pull back a few layers of Raven Reyes

A few things Raven did to blow off steam lately was to go running and make fine tune adjustments on Clarke’s aide when all she really wanted to do was punch Anya. That asshole had some nerve for assuming crap. It was now noon and too damn hot in Georgia in June to be outside so she opted to stay inside her room and work. How do these Southerners do this shit? Raven thought as she tinkered on the device before her. She shed her shirt two hours ago, leaving her bra and shorts on, and put in her earbuds on high once she heard Anya leave. 

 

“Fucking Anya,” Raven scoffed to herself, putting too much torque on the screw with her tiny flathead. The aid popped from her hand and the tip of the screwdriver cut her finger. Grabbing her hand quickly in frustration, the teacher yelped and hopped from her desk. 

 

“Shi...” Raven started before realizing she had another occupant in the room. “…oot.” There, on her unmade bed was baby Kam, staring intently at her.

 

“Oookay.” She left her door open to keep some airflow, but her bed was really high. The woman looked to her left and saw the dresser by her bed was made into a makeshift staircase. Damn, that boy was clever.

 

Raven quickly wrapped and put her injured hand behind her back to stare back at him. It didn’t hurt too much; she was used to cuts and bruises with all the tinkering she did. What was baby genius doing here, anyway? Was Octavia here too? She felt something fluttering low in her abdomen. What is that? The Latina was feeling it often whenever her student was around. While she was having a mental debate with herself Kam was fumbling with something in the comforter. That mental debate turned into a mini melt down as the boy pulled the small purple object out of the sheet. Yeah, so that was another stress reliever that Raven just finished with about twenty minutes ago. It was small enough to fit comfortably in the child’s hands. She eyed her vibrator for a moment, Kamran tightened his grip, and the stare off began again. She took a slow step forward and Kam bolted; hopping off the other side of the bed with the toy in his hand. No,no,no…. 

 

Raven shot after him into the living room and skid to a halt when she saw her. Octavia was sitting on the couch with her Chemistry book in front of her and a pencil in her mouth. She had her hair tucked behind her ear as her green eyes scanned the pages slowly. Those damn tingles erupted all over body this time. Wow…Raven completely forgot about her toddler pursuit until he popped up magically by his mother’s leg with her toy still in his hand. 

 

When Octavia looked down at Kam, Raven was at a full on melt down. The younger woman frowned when she eyed the object in her son’s hand. 

 

“Kam, what is that in your….oh my God, okay..” Octavia’s eyes widened and the teacher wanted to melt into the floor. She didn’t freak out too bad, just gently took it away from him and kept his hand away from his face. She pulled out some wet ones out of her bag with her free hand and wiped his little hands off before wiping her own. Raven was in awe, she made being a mother look so easy sometimes but she knew that wasn’t the case. “That does not belong to you sir.”

 

“Raven!!” Kamran smiled and pointed with his free hand. Take me now, Raven sobbed internally. She didn’t notice Luna quickly taking a picture of her horror stricken face until the flash went off. That asshole was probably going to show Clarke later. Raven Reyes never got embarrassed but she could feel her cheeks burning. Octavia’s green eyes locked with her own as she scooped her baby off of the floor to approach her. Another flash as her student placed the vibrator into Raven’s hands. The younger girl eyed her slowly up and down before raising a perfectly sculpted brow, slight smirk on her face. She didn’t even look pissed only mildly amused. Another flash, a ding of the recorder, and a snort; Luna was officially on her shitlist. 

 

“Where is your restroom?” Octavia asked.

 

“D-down the hall, second door on right.” Raven cleared her throat eyes and head following the younger woman took her giggling son to the back.

 

“Thank you, Professor.” She called mischievously over her shoulder, closing the bathroom door behind her. Raven quickly tossed her toy in her room and put on a shirt before storming back down the hall, giving Luna her sharpest glare. The redhead had tears in her eyes while she ended her recording.

 

“What the hell, Lu?” Raven whisper hissed

 

“In my defense, Octavia got locked out and wasn’t able get in touch with Anya.” Luna started catching her breath from laughing silently in the corner. “I couldn’t leave her and the baby in the heat. I did close your door when she got here, too.” The Latina’s brow bunched in confusion. She did tend to get in her zone while she was working but her door was wide open when she spotted Kamran on the bed. Odd.  
Raven’s glare eased for a moment before Luna lost it again. 

"Your face is effing priceless. How did he get Dobby anyway?” Luna asked.

 

“You named your special friend after the house elf on Harry Potter?” Octavia questioned as she and her son emerged from the bathroom. Raven flushed again and nodded She noticed Kam had his headphones on and a tablet in his hands seemingly oblivious to the conversation. “Sweet. I’m sorry about my little prince here. We have to adult proof everything to keep him out of it. Luckily, he never took to putting things in his mouth.” She laughed and Raven chuckled nervously. Flash of a camera, fucking Luna. “Kam is much more interested in taking stuff apart. Poor Dobby wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

 

She was glad that he hadn’t destroyed it. That was one of her favorite ones to use. 

 

"Don't be embarrassed. I have SW at home." Octavia teased.

"SW?" Raven asked.

"Short for Subwoofer," The student deadpanned, "It's like sitting on a car with 12"s in the trunk. One and done before test day."

Raven laughed hard at that. Octavia smiled at her and it made the Latina's heart race but her best friend was taking the revenge thing very seriously.

 

“At least he didn’t get the Elder Wand,” Luna chimed in and Raven wanted to strangle her. “That’s the one she-“

 

“Lu, if you finish that statement, I will snapchat all of your coworkers the video of how you eat tacos.” Raven gritted out.

 

A knock on the door got their attention and the Latina sighed with relief. Luna was milking the hell out of this.

 

“That must be Lincoln. Thank you for letting him meet me here.” Octavia smiled as Luna headed to the door. Sure enough, the big man was behind the door ready to get his son. Kam ignored him and took off towards Raven. She didn’t even have to think as she stooped down to pick him up with her hand that wasn’t wrapped in the t-shirt. The curly haired boy nuzzled her neck and she cooed at him as she walked towards the front door. She saw a different look on Octavia’s face as she walked passed her. It was one of admiration and something else that made those flutters beat heavily in her abdomen again. It wasn’t just Octavia affecting her, but her son as well. It was so crazy because she hadn’t known them very long and somehow they were slowly melting her hard exterior. 

 

Raven hated how she already missed the child hugging her neck when she handed him over to Lincoln.

 

“Raven…” Kamran spoke sadly and Lincoln eyes widened.

 

“Wow…I can’t even get him to say DaDa.” Lincoln scratched his bald head. Kam leaned forward gripped the arm that Raven hid from him earlier and pulled it to his face. He inspected it for a moment and pressed his lips to her wrist; giving what a two-year-old considers a kiss. Raven shattered, a sob escaped her mouth before she could catch it. Too much… her heart couldn’t handle it. She excused herself before walking out into the backyard to be alone. 

 

She realized two things: those feelings in her stomach were butterflies, and that Octavia was getting under her skin deeper than she realized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Raven...


	35. Dodging and Deflecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa spirals,Clarke has mad reflexes, and Anya does not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drama with a bit of heat at the end. Sorry for the wait. It is almost three here so there are bound to be mistakes

Clarke did not move from her spot at the front door for about ten minutes before starting to pace anxiously. The blonde wanted to give Lexa her space to process everything but something didn’t feel right, she could feel it. After a few moments, she had enough and opened the door right as a picture frame crashed to the wall right next to her face. In her blind rage, Lexa had another round frame projectile in her hand; flinging it directly at Clarke and the blonde quickly dodged it. A thud of the object hit her back but there was nothing behind her a moment ago for it to bounce back. She looked behind her to find Anya stooped down on the floor, holding both hands to her head and mouthing every curse word Clarke could interpret by lip reading. She left her aid in her pocket not bothering to put it in. The poor woman never stood a chance against Lexa’s aim ever since they were kids. The softball coaches were almost begging the pianist to join the team but she always stayed focused on her music.

 

“You good?” Clarke asked her and when Anya gave her a thumbs up; the area under her hand forming a knot; the blonde didn’t hesitate to rub it in. “ Gotta be quicker than that. It’s better than the incident of ’03.” 

 

That situation involved a hairdryer and a mild concussion. She needed to keep Lexa distracted so she could sneak off to the back and find out what made the woman so upset, so she couldn’t diffuse it. The dirty blonde gave her the middle finger. Yup, she was on her own. Clarke entered the apartment; she needed to find what she was looking for before the police were called. Lexa didn’t look like she was going to throw anything else, but it was her face that had the blonde concerned. Her eyes were still red but no more tears were coming from them. Jaw clenched and arms across her chest, Lexa looked completely betrayed in her eyes but her head and shoulders were held high. Clarke had seen this look once before. They were sixteen and the blonde had just had sex with her friend with benefits, Niylah, in the back of the auditorium. She was skipping class for the umpteenth time and Lexa found out about it because one of Niylah’s friends put a note in her locker. To this day she doesn’t know what it said but after that moment, the brunette couldn’t look her in the eyes and could barely stand to be near her for over a month. Being ignored like that by her best friend had almost broken Clarke into a thousand pieces and she never wanted to feel that way again. She didn’t know that two years later, that she had to leave Lexa in that hospital without telling her goodbye was the hardest thing that she ever had to endure.

 

The pianist was doing this in a way to guard her emotions and Clarke felt like rubber band was squeezing her heart. She had been guilty of making Lexa hurt like this in the past and the DJ never felt so low. That’s why Anya turned into brother bear. How many times have I hurt her like this when they were growing up and had been too blind to see it? How many times had Anya had to try and sooth her? Clarke thought to herself as she slowly approached Lexa. The brunette’s green eyes shifted to her blues the moment the DJ took another step forward and they locked. They stayed that way until Clarke was about two steps completely in her space; standing over her in the most comforting way she knew how. She could read Lexa’s stiff posture and could tell that she could not handle being touched right now. There was a fury simmering in her eyes now; the blazing green orbs shifting quickly to Anya who was now standing behind Clarke. 

 

-I have what I need- Lexa signed before going to the hallway and rolling out her purple suitcase; brushing past both Clarke and Anya before turning to face them.   
“I never want to see this place again.” The pianist spoke and signed before tossing her key off to side and walked out of the door, leaving the two blondes in the living room. 

 

Clarke completely ignored Anya and headed to Lexa’s bedroom; almost instantly getting a strong scent of Lysol and rubber. She noticed there was a drying wet spot near the bed. That explained the red eyes. Whatever Lexa found was enough to make her sick to her stomach. Clarke pulled back the comforters and the sight in front of her made her want to put her fist through the wall. If she ever saw Costia again, she was going to break her fucking jaw. This was beyond sick and Clarke was going to get answers. She quickly went to the bathroom to grab some tissues and in there she found more used condoms. There was a comb on the sink with blonde hairs in it that was out of place too. The blonde found some small trash bags and wrapped one of the condoms and the comb separately, keeping her fingerprints off the object and fluids from touching her hands. Luna would be able to get into a lab for a DNA scan. 

 

Clarke left the room to find Anya doing her own search and got her attention. She shoved the items in her chest and the dirty blonde looked up at her in confusion.

 

-The bitch you rooted for fucked someone in their bed- The DJ signed angrily and Anya dropped her head in defeat. Clarke sighed before speaking. “I have hurt her before…more than once….I get it, but I would never do that to her.”

 

Anya lifted her head then, brown eyes not displaying their usual stubbornness; the blow to her forehead now forming a quarter sized bruise right between the eyes. That was going to be nasty looking in a few days, but what Clarke read from her mouth next completely floored her. “I know you wouldn’t and I’m sorry, Clarke.”

 

Okay… what kind of voodoo did Luna put on this woman? Anya and Clarke never apologized to one another. The way they forgave each other was by physical submission. This was new. She would have to text her friend about that later.

 

“If you want my forgiveness give that to Luna and get it scanned and try talking to Lexa in a few days. Give her time.” Clarke spoke and was out of the door before Anya could say or sign anything, practically running down the stairs to catch her best friend. 

 

When Clarke rounded the corner, she noticed that Lexa’s car was pulling out of the parking space. The blonde took off, cutting across the lawn and was in front of the SUV before the brunette could put it in drive. Lexa was signaling with her hands for her to move and the blonde didn’t budge. 

 

-Wait please- Clarke signed. Lexa huffed from behind the wheel and pushed the unlock button and she hopped in the passenger seat. The brunette pulled out from the complex driving the speed limit until she got to I-20; letting the contagious lead foot of Atlanta take hold. The long ride was quiet and tense but neither of them said word. Clarke even put in her aid in, hoping that Lexa would just say something. The pianst looked so blank. No emotion showing on her face while she focused on the road. They drove westbound out towards Jake’s house and Clarke could feel her heart rate pick up. She had not been out here since she destroyed her bike.

 

“Jake and Marcus are gone on a fishing trip in Alabama. They will be back in a Sunday for dinner. “Lexa finally spoke. The vibrations in her voice felt even and Clarke didn’t know if she should be even more concerned than she already is.

 

They pulled into her dad’s driveway but Lexa paused only to put the SUV into four-wheel drive and pulled off onto the trail that led to a Lake on the property. Clarke hadn’t been here in years. She always loved this part about being in the country. Beautiful places like these were always calming for the mind and they offered privacy that stretched on for miles.

 

Lexa backed in close to the bank, cut the vehicle off, and hopped out of the truck. Clarke had no choice but to follow. The brunette opened the hatch in the back by the time the blonde made it to the trunk. She quickly caught something that Lexa dug out of a compartment in the trunk and tossed over her shoulder. Her eyes widened in surprise; it was rolling papers and about four grams of Kush in her hand.

 

“Since when did you start smoking?” Clarke asked still standing in the same spot.

 

“About six months after the accident.” Lexa replied nonchalantly as she hopped into the trunk. The DJ’s face fell and she rolled her eyes. “Don’t make that face, it helped with the pain.” The blonde still didn’t move. 

 

“You just gonna stand there or…”

 

It was Clarke’s turn to roll her eyes. She took a seat next to Lexa and quickly rolled the joint and sparked it before handing it back to the pianist. They passed it for a while without speaking, actually enjoying the scenery as the high took hold. 

 

“I was going to break up with her when she got back... even though it hurts I can’t really find it in me to be more upset about it.” Lexa spoke again and Clarke turned to face her. The woman’s gaze never left the Lake in front of her and the DJ really wanted to see her eyes. She reached out and gripped Lexa’s chin and could instantly see the goosebumps rising on her skin.

 

“Why?” Clarke whispered.

“You, know why, Clarke. You are the only one who makes me feel this way…”

 

“Feel like what?” The blonde asked boldly, now moving her hand to the nape of Lexa’s neck. The pianist shuddered at the touch capturing her bottom lip between her teeth.

 

Clarke felt Lexa shift and a moment later the smaller woman was straddling her lap; foreheads touching and breaths mingling. Lexa was looking at her through her lowered lashes; jade eyes glazed over with the high and arousal. This was a dangerous game that they were playing now.

 

“Do I have to say it?” Lexa murmured against Clarke’s mouth.

 

“Yes,” the DJ placed one of her hands on the bare skin of Lexa’s exposed hip and one hand around her throat. The pianist’s breath stuttered now against her own and her two small hands gripped tighter on her shoulders. Lexa involuntarily ground her hips down into Clarke’s lap.

 

“You make me feel like I am going to come just by your touch…” The brunette whispered before claiming the blonde’s lips with her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I continue?


	36. For the Wrong Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke both give in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut but......

Lexa couldn’t focus on anything but Clarke’s lips on her own. It felt like taking a shot of whiskey as the blonde’s kiss burned all the way down; settling down in her core. The pianist could feel herself clenching around nothing when the DJ’s hands encircled her waist and her fingers twitched around her throat. She tangled her own hands into blonde locks, pulling gently to keep herself grounded. Lexa was high on the taste of Clarke and the weed was amplifying that to a level that she never thought she would feel before. She could feel herself sighing against the blonde’s mouth and the woman below her sucked her bottom lip into her mouth; teasing it with the tip of her tongue. Fuck, Lexa felt herself leaking into the shorts that she borrowed from Clarke this morning and she didn’t have on any underwear. She was pretty sure with how she was now grinding down on Clarke’s lap the evidence was going to be on the blonde’s shorts. 

 

The brunette forced herself to pull back for a moment to look into those darkened blue eyes that could see into her soul. 

 

“Are you sure you want this?” Clarke was searching her gaze hesitantly and Lexa took the woman’s face into her hands.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa spoke, mouthing her next words as clearly as she could even though the blond had her aid in. “I want you...I have for a long time.” I just can’t give you all of me…. Lexa thought to herself. Not yet. The brunette took the blonde’s aid out and the DJ’s brow furrowed in confusion. 

 

“Feel me,” Lexa mouthed never took her green eyes off of blue and the pupils dilated even further. She took the blonde’s hand that was on her waist and placed it on her covered center. Clarke’s irises were now nonexistent. She had soaked right through those shorts just like she thought. “Touch me, Clarke. Please.”

 

Lexa saw it the moment when Clarke lost it. She was lifted in the air a moment later and a loud moan slipped from her lips when the DJ’s abs rubbed firmly against her clit. She was turned to be sat down in the trunk bed of the SUV and Clarke standing between her legs. The blonde gripped Lexa’s neck and used her thumb to tilt her head up to crash their lips in a searing kiss. The pianist could see the colors bursting behind her eyelids. How could a kiss make her feel so good; so complete? Lexa didn’t have time to think about it as Clarke’s lips move to the sensitive area behind her ear, sucking into it softly. The brunette’s core clenched again as gripped the blonde’s firm ass and pulled her harder into her core for some friction. Everywhere that the blonde touched her was on fire. 

 

Lexa’s eyes rolled back in her head when she felt Clarke rolling her hips into her own. She was pressing into her just right and the brunette had to fight to keep from coming right then. The blonde sighs of pleasure against her ear and it was driving the pianist crazy. She placed her lips to her lover’s neck and bit down firmly and Clarke hissed before moving a hand between their bodies and slipping and hand into Lexa’s shorts.

 

“Shit…” The brunette whimpered, arching into the DJ’s fingers they circled her clit.

 

“You feel so good Lex,” Clarke spoke softly 

 

Lexa gasped as the tip of the blonde’s finger teased her entrance. “I want to see your face.”

 

Clarke pulled back to grant her wish and once they locked eyes she felt a finger slip inside her. Lexa tilted her head back briefly and cried out before her focus back on the woman before her. 

 

"You are so beautiful..." The blonde was watching her; looking for any signs of discomfort. The pianist was only feeling pleasure but she needed more. Lexa cupped the DJ’s face into her hands and placed a hard kiss to her bruised lips before staring into those azure eyes again. The blonde pumped into her a few more times before adding another digit. Her fingers were so damn thick and the way they filled her was perfect. The woman stayed still inside her to let her adjust to the stretch. Her core kept clenching around those fingers and she was already so close.

 

“Fuck me Clarke.” Lexa demanded and her hands gripped tightly into Clarke’s shoulders when she finally started to move. The brunette was overwhelmed with emotion as each thrust pushed her closer to the edge. She felt the blonde’s fingers curl inside her on every other thrust the pressure in her abdomen started intensify and her thighs started to tremble. She moved her hips harder into her hand; the sounds of the arousal between her thighs filling the country air.

 

Clarke was now pressing on her clit with her thumb, curling her fingers tightly on her spot while she fucked her hand. Her sex was pulsing uncontrollably now Lexa couldn’t fight the screams from escaping her mouth as Clarke made her body tingle all over. She took one of her hands and grabbed onto the one that was gently wrapped around her throat. 

 

“Feel me come for you… ” She moaned, the DJ never took her eyes off Lexa as she added pressure with her thumb. That was all it took for the warmth in her abdomen to explode outward into every nerve ending in her body to tip her over the edge.

 

“OHHH CLARKE!!!” Lexa called out, tears leaking from her eyes as her body shook uncontrollably. The blonde’s lips found her own, kissing her gently as she came down. Clarke pulled her close and held her until the tremors in her body stopped. 

 

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked and the brunette could only nod as she rested her head against her soft chest.

 

After a few moments, the blonde gently eased her fingers out of Lexa and moved to stake a seat behind her pulling the pianist into her arms. She placed a few kisses into her temple as they watched the lake in front of them ripple by the breeze. The brunette found herself letting the bad thoughts about it being too soon circulate through her mind. She didn’t respect Clarke’s desires and wondered if the she and her best friend would regret this later. There was no coming back from this if she was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts, comments, concerns?


End file.
